Angelus Tainted
by Warlordess
Summary: Her feelings for Lloyd were spiraling far out of control. And now Cruxis had turned her away as the one who would regenerate Sylvarant. Colloyd with Gesea and Sheelos moments. Complete.
1. Ni Karamaru : Entangled

**Author **- Chibi / Warlordess

**Notes **- Oh my, I've been slowly but surely working my way up to this fic for so many months now that I'm actually scared of writing it for fear that I'll be disappointed in myself. . . Still, I really liked the idea. . . I mean, Colette suffers (can you believe I'm a huge fan?) and Lloyd saves her, and it's all about the feelings, let alone a physical illness that comes into play and might or might not have something to do with Cruxis. . . Whoo. . . ! I'm so excited and pumped now!

Okay, so please read and review honestly! This is going to be my first Colloyd confession fic (if all goes well) out of. . . How many has it been now? Like, four or five? I've been wanting to do this _for-ev-er_. Lol. So. . . that's it! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer **- I wish, most sincerely, that I owned Tales of Symphonia. That OVA would have finished if I did, damnit! And Colloyd? Yeah, that would have really, totally, completely happened. And Sheena would have obviously warmed up to Zelos. . . Not to mention Presea and Genis. . . (I still want to write my one-shot idea on them anyway; hopefully it's not too farfetched, and maybe it wasn't even a one-shot. I can't remember anymore.)

OoOoO

**Tales of Symphonia **- "Angelus Tainted"

**Summary **- The Chosen of Regeneration had not been since the time Lloyd said he would save her. And yet, Colette agonizes when she begins to realize her greatest wishes aren't for the good fortune of everyone around her, but rather for a specific someone. . . And now, Cruxis has turned her away as the one with the power to regenerate Sylvarant. Colloyd.

**Part One** - "Ensnared in the Web"

OoOoO

_Colette glanced up at Sheena from across the fire. The moon glowed from above and the stars twinkled like frozen rain. Everyone else was asleep, even Lloyd, as the group camped outside, down the cliff from the temple of the Summon Spirit of Darkness. Colette remembered offhandedly how Lloyd had originally had every intention of being the nightwatch but Sheena had told him to get to sleep and that she'd take his place. There was something about returning a favor, but Colette knew no more than that._

_"So where's Corrine?" Colette asked, as if something inside her had just realized he was missing. At the sound of his name, though, Sheena's head snapped up and her breath shortened for an instant. Colette knew immediately that she would have done better to keep silent about it._

_"He's not. . . he's not with me anymore." Sheena answered with slight hesitation and shuffled through her robe until she found the small object she had been looking for; Corrine's bell. Colette saw it and began to piece the situation together but didn't want to immediately think the worst._

_"So, um, you. . . he went back to the Elemental Research Laboratoy then?" She asked hopefully, her heart already responding to the possible actuality._

_Sheena was quite surprisingly very patient with the blond Chosen even though on the inside she just wanted to stop - stop talking about it and get up and kick something and scream and take out her rage somehow. But no; she'd grown up better than that, she was a better person, plus a shinobi of the Mizuho village, a student in the art of the Igaguri style. Her training had taught her that she needed to keep a cold head when faced with adversity or pain or other emotional delusions. And how else was Colette supposed to know anyway? While they'd been gaining Volt's electrical power to use on the Rheairds, she had been off and kidnapped by Rodyle having who-knows-what being done to her. Sheena couldn't blame her for wanting to know what had happened while she was gone._

_"No Colette; that's not how it happened. . . Hm. . . He's gone." She gripped the bell tighter and it tinkled a bit, drawing their attention. "He. . . died, sacrificed himself to save me while we were fighting Volt. I - I couldn't move at all, especially not fast enough to dodge his attacks."_

_Something about it seemed peculiar to Colette so, despite knowing that it would be better to drop the topic of conversation, she pursued it anyway._

_"Was something wrong, Sheena? Oh no, you weren't sick were you?"_

_"Huh? No, why would I be. . . ?"_

_"Oh, but it's just that you've dealt with the Summon Spirits before and even when you fought Gnome, you were just fine in battle. . . Was something wrong with Volt in particular?" Sheena looked away and Colette finally decided not to push the subject out of naivety. By this time, however, Sheena knew that keeping it a secret from one member of their group in particular would be meaningless._

_"He, uh, I mean I. . . Before I met you guys, years ago, my grandpa asked me to test my skills under his training by. . ." The one perfectly good thing about telling the same tragic story to Colette that everyone else knew was that there was always a sympathetic ear. It was comforting to know at least a few people who didn't blame her because, despite all of her training, she wasn't strong enough to admit she didn't value other people's opinions of her. In fact, they meant almost everything._

_"Oh - oh, Sheena, I'm sorry. . ." Colette said, clasping her hands together in her lap once the summoner had finished her story. It was so sad losing somebody you loved. She remembered all of the battles Lloyd and her other friends had been in, a great deal of them fought for her sake. They had almost lost their lives countless times and she could only be grateful that they had lived through all of the misfortune they'd faced. Still, she could sympathize very easily with Sheena, partially because that was just the kind of person she was and partially because she'd been there before. For the longest time she'd been told - had grown to accept - that the day she left the village of Iselia to regenerate the world would also be the last day she'd ever see her friends. . . see _Lloyd_. . ._

_Perhaps knowing this as well was what made Sheena immediately know that Colette's reaction was one hundred percent genuine, and understanding._

_"Thanks Colette, but. . ." The summoner took a deep breath, somehow shaky, and her abdomen fluttered in anxiety, ". . . I think I'll be okay. I mean, it still hurts obviously but I know Corrine made the choice he wanted, and he did it to help me. . . He was the only one I could ever talk to about what happened with Volt when I was younger. He wanted to show me that I could be strong, I could face this challenge. . ." And then she laughed, fingering the small bell she'd been holding the entire time. It tinkled almost merrily. "It's weird though. I mean, I never thought this would be so easy to talk about. . . Now though, I've talked with you, and Lloyd too."_

_"Lloyd?" Colette's heart fluttered just slightly like it always did when she heard his name or thought about him. She heard something familiar in the words Sheena spoke, the tone she used, but it seemed impossible to place when she was this distracted._

_"Yeah, um, before we actually took Volt on, we were at Mizuho and, well, no one except that stupid Chosen knew about the first time I'd tried to make a pact with him so. . . I was really upset when everyone found out, and terrified about facing that challenge again - let alone failing. I didn't know what they'd think, if they'd be disgusted or lose their faith in me. . ._

_". . . But Lloyd found me and talked me through it. He did it again in the Thunder Temple, after Corrine. . . yeah. I didn't know what to do because he'd died for me, to save me. . . ! I felt like such a coward. . . and guilty that I didn't believe he could help me at all, like I had failed because Corrine was my only best friend, you know?" Sheena took a shuddering breath while Colette nodded her head feircely in reply, her eyes tightly shut. The want to protect the one dearest to you was sometimes so powerful that if you couldn't come through for them, it seemed so easy to believe that you were no good. She could count on one hand the number of times she'd succeeded in supporting Lloyd the way he needed it. . ._

_. . . But, somehow, he surpassed everything she'd ever done in all of her life just by giving her hope that she could live longer than the sixteen years Cruxis had given to her. Let alone everything else he'd done for her._

_"But Lloyd changed my perceptions. It's because of what he told me that I decided to fight back. I wanted to, I had to. . . otherwise I'd never be able to move on, to be confident in my summoning abilities. It would haunt me."_

_Those eyes snapped open again and Colette drew breath, attempting to distract herself with the crackle of the fire. She knew the sound of Sheena's voice, recognized it so easily now. Admiration. It was how she'd started out too._

OoO

Colette knew that, from that moment on, she would never be able to stand a chance against it. It hurt so much, it ached, it festered - she was amazed that it hadn't somehow begun to physically effect her. Sometimes breathing seemed so laborous that she simply wanted to hold it in until it wasn't necessary anymore. . . but she didn't want the others to notice her obvious turmoil. She could handle it until it disappeared. It always disappeared. It would come and she would wonder what she'd ever done so wrong to deserve all of those pitiful emotions coursing within her and then it would go and she would feel rejuvenated for the time being.

Lloyd would never have the heart to hate her, she knew, no matter what she told him about herself. His image of her was of a perfection she simply didn't emanate anymore. Or perhaps she never had that to begin with. Perhaps Lloyd had seen a frosty and misleading reflection of himself, because Lloyd _was_ perfection - he featured the label and all - and she watched his decor and furnishings grow more elaborate everytime she looked at him.

She didn't want anyone to know her secret, but least of all him. She couldn't even say why. Maybe she didn't want to be hated or rejected or misunderstood. . . Or maybe she couldn't bear the disappointment he'd most certainly feel for her.

Colette was in love with Lloyd. She had wondered if it would happen for the past few years; she'd heard stories about love after all - how it happened, when and who was likely to be a candidate. Colette was perfect for it.

More than that, she had assumed that falling in love was a carefree and flawless transition and that it wouldn't effect who she was very much at all. . . That was wrong to think, however, because it was something as simple as her thoughts that were turned topsy-turvy.

No longer were her intentions what she thought was best for the world. Now, if she didn't think Lloyd would be happy about it, it simply wouldn't be good enough for her. She thought he was the world, and he was already _her _world; he knew how to do everything that was good and great. He paved her sidewalks and wrote the words she would die to say for him.

She remembered now that she had laid on the ground that night, covered in blankets that the group had given her. Sheena was still up and though she was no longer looking at the blond Chosen since their conversation was over, Colette couldn't help but wonder if the older woman knew she was awake and alert as well. Sleep was hard to come by after listening to the summoner's story and her idolizing tone (though Sheena herself seemed not to notice); Colette was just too restless for it to find her. To take her attention away, she had aimlessly scratched an itch at her back, though it persisted for a few minutes before leaving her alone, and then she turned on her side.

She was worried. She felt the difference _now_, late at night, when she couldn't find anything else to distract her from it. She didn't feel as strong, as conscious to the goings-on around her, and she felt heavier somehow. She'd heard of this happening to others under the guise of stress or depression. The emotional or mental illness would manifest itself with physical symptoms. She should've considered herself lucky that those few were all she felt.

But, still, she worried. She clenched her eyes shut, trying to will herself to sleep again so she wouldn't have to think, but it didn't work, so she allowed her thoughts to travel back over her conversation with Sheena for the thousandth time that hour.

Of course it was a terrifying thing, losing the one you loved - _wanted - _at your side more than anyone else. And to her own selfishness and posessiveness? She was pathetic, a horrible person. . .

_Lloyd, I wish it were simpler than this. I wish I could come out with it, tell you, and know for certain that you wouldn't reject me_. . . The mantra made her hope, she tried to think of the best possibility everytime she felt the negativity begin to eat away at her. She had done it at that time too, bewildered by the slight stinging pain that had come from the itch on her back, but considered it a leftover from scratching a little too hard and ignored it, left it at that.

Rolling over on her side, she hoped that it would linger on a little less that way (somehow the memory had led to a shadow of that itch), and stared at Sheena's back. It was the dark of night again, and still sleep was refusing to wash over her. For whatever reason she couldn't stop her mind reeling back to that other night when she and the summoner had talked about her hardships and Lloyd's comfort. Her brow furrowed and her fists clenched. . . and then she loosened up again, a foreboding sense of horror coming to her. _No_. . . ! Just who was she becoming? Her senseless jealous urges were turning her into some moral-lacking excuse for a human being! What kind of person was she? What kind of Chosen of Regeneration?

What kind of best friend to Lloyd Irving-Aurion, the young man who did anything for the benefit of those who inhabited the two worlds?

. . . Suddenly the worlds mattered a little less to her, though.

But what was she supposed to do? Grin and bear it? Hope nobody noticed while she continued to think less and less of everything but him? She knew that her distracted sense of longing would become more conspicuous to everyone the longer it went on. But maybe. . . maybe it wouldn't! Maybe she would get better without anyone wondering what might have been wrong with her in the first place! After all, how lucky would it be? Because then she would have no problem taking her secret to bed with her; not that she would be telling anyone anyway, of course.

No, no. . . She'd much rather live with the blissful ideals that Lloyd went on about and the belief of his that she was a good person. She wouldn't, couldn't, tell anyone! Not even if that simple task would make everything better.

Nobody would ever know.

OoOoO

**Notes **- Okay, for those who are curious, the first few chapters or so are going to be split into two separate parts. The first will be a flashback of Colette's to a time during or after a bit of the gameplay where she will partake in or overhear (or something!) conversations between other character about Lloyd in some way. These flashbacks will end up being the main things that tear her apart somewhere along the line, and will be in _italics_. The other half is current gameplay, and based on the ending of the game, basically right before the final battles with Mithos. There may come a time when I rely on a side-quest or two to make the plot stick. . . but, right now, only one in particular comes to mind. You'll see it in a few chapters.

But, whew! The next chapter's gonna be a doozie compared to this one! I mean, the flashback itself is going to be at least twice as long - about Presea and Lloyd, taking place after the scene where we learn the Pope is poisoning the king of Tethe`alla, and the death of Vharley. I hope I'm not overdoing it, but when I started drafting it in my notebook it just flew off on its own and I stopped paying it any real attention. I'm going to try and cut a bit of it out though, just to be safe, because I know for a fact that I ended up repeating some of the scene with the Pope, and I think it could have been avoidable. Anyway, also look forward to Genis's attempt to woo Presea! YAY! Hahahah. . .

And I'd appreciate any reviews I can get, seeing as my other latest ToS story kind of bombed in that way.


	2. Itami : Suffer

**Author **- Chibi / Warlordess

**Notes **- Oh my, I've been slowly but surely working my way up to this fic for so many months now that I'm actually scared of writing it for fear that I'll be disappointed in myself. . . Still, I really liked the idea. . . I mean, Colette suffers (can you believe I'm a huge fan?) and Lloyd saves her, and it's all about the feelings, let alone a physical illness that comes into play and might or might not have something to do with Cruxis. . . Whoo. . . ! I'm so excited and pumped now!

Okay, so please read and review honestly! This is going to be my first Colloyd confession fic (if all goes well) out of. . . How many has it been now? Like, four or five? I've been wanting to do this _for-ev-er_. Lol. So. . . that's it! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer **- I wish, most sincerely, that I owned Tales of Symphonia. That OVA would have finished if I did, damnit! And Colloyd? Yeah, that would have really, totally, completely happened. And Sheena would have obviously warmed up to Zelos. . . Not to mention Presea and Genis. . . (I still want to write my one-shot idea on them anyway; hopefully it's not too farfetched, and maybe it wasn't even a one-shot. I can't remember anymore.)

OoOoO

**Tales of Symphonia **- "Angelus Tainted"

**Summary **- The Chosen of Regeneration had not been since the time Lloyd said he would save her. And yet, Colette agonizes when she begins to realize her greatest wishes aren't for the good fortune of everyone around her, but rather for a specific someone. . . And now, Cruxis has turned her away as the one with the power to regenerate Sylvarant. Colloyd.

**Part Two** - "A Puncture to the Flesh"

OoOoO

_The mass group of eight stood outside the Pope's office in Meltokio's Church of Martel, ready to bust it in. With Vharley dead and his final words etched into their minds, they knew they could confront this man with the accusations of poisoning the King of Tethe`alla._

_Even Lloyd, the most dimwitted of them all, knew how important this was. They didn't want or need to start a war but clearing their own names was a good place to begin. And the easiest way to do that was to take down the Pope, find an antidote, and force the King to believe their good intentions._

_That being said, they all needed to know what was beyond this door. They needed to know if they would have to face a hostage situation or an onslaught of Papal Knights._

_"Colette, what do you hear?" Lloyd asked her, and her heart fluttered a bit. It was ridiculous but the fact that he needed her for something made her feel important, special._

_"Um. . ." She took a moment after coming to her senses to listen with her angel-enhanced hearing, ". . . nothing. No one's there."_

_"Heh, it's perfect!" Zelos said with a contemptuous laugh, "We get in, look for the antidote, and - whether or not we find it - we can hide inside until the Pope comes back. That way we can still interrogate him for his crimes, and for besmirching the name of the great Chosen, Zelos!"_

_"A surprise attack, huh. . . ?" Lloyd let the thought seep into his head a little more, and found that he liked it. "Yeah, that sounds okay! We can avoid some trouble that way when we corner him and he doesn't know what to say in his defense!"_

_So the group braced themselves (something you learned to do naturally when you were always having to fight for a cause) and Raine reached for the handle on the door, turned, and pushed._

_. . . And all of them were shocked to find themselves face to face with the Pope himself, most of all Colette, who couldn't understand what had gone wrong. She could usually hear a whisper from half a mile away, or footsteps from even farther. She was used to the voices of strangers who couldn't even _see _her when she could hear what they said and did so clearly; the shuffling of papers, the drop of a kitchen utensil, the rumor about the traitor Chosen Zelos, the soft snoring of her friends from the room next-door or downstairs._

_But now. . . how could she have not heard? This man was going over some paperwork, flipping through a book or two, simple little things that she could always pick up on before. . ._

_There was no time to ask questions however (and she was grateful) as their group took advantage of the situation, turning it around and confronting the Pope anyway._

_They talked him down and ordered him to turn over the antidote, but he refused, claiming once the King was dead he would take his rightful place as the new ruler of Tethe`alla. They distracted him by asking questions - why would he hurt his only daughter, Kate? How could he create laws forebading half-elves from living happily when his daughter was one? How could he fear their kind just for having a different mana flow and lifespan than humans? But he soon caught on to their game and sent a signal out, summoning forth his Papal Knights, making his escape through the bookshelf behind him._

_A secret passage._

_"I will stay and fight them. Go, Lloyd! You cannot let him get away." Presea said in her monotone, "You follow after him." She jerked her head in the direction of the bookshelf passage._

_Lloyd took the lead, followed by Colette, ever so loyal towards him, and then the others in a steady fashion. The only ones who didn't seem even the slightest bit shocked when they all arrived in the Meltokio palace were Zelos and Sheena. What was worse, they were facing a guard. . . one who seemed suddenly scared of them?_

_After dealing with that situation, Presea rejoined them and they were finally able to convince the King of their innocence, though he hadn't seemed grateful enough that they cured him. He accepted their story about the Pope's treachery and their antidote and lifted _their _titles as traitors of Tethe`alla._

_They had researched Colette's illness that had befallen her thanks to her Cruxis Crystal, left the palace, pleased for being able to use the front door and for walking freely throughout the city without the scrutinizing gazes of the townsfolk following them. They marched through the garden across from the church they had just left barely an hour ago and entered the nobleman's quarry, the upscale neighborhood where rich people or those with good family names and ties were able to live, and also where the banquet hall resided. Why would they have to stay in the inn after all, when Zelos's house was right there too? And they were definitely ready for a good night's sleep. The Pope may have escaped after all but now everyone knew what he'd been up to and they were looking for him. Colette knew she couldn't be the only one looking forward to their first overnight stay in-city when they wouldn't have to worry about being chased out or arrested._

_And yet, as content as that knowledge made her feel, she still couldn't fall asleep. Part of the reason was worry. Her angelic senses had suddenly stopped working and she hadn't even noticed until it was too late._

_Luckily everything afterwards had moved so fast that nobody had had the time to ask her what was wrong. It was a good thing; she could use the chance to come up with an excuse for where she'd gone wrong, like she always did. At least that was the plan._

_There was a knock on her door and before she could ask who it was or invite them in, Lloyd quickly slipped inside and shut the door again behind him with the faintest snap._

_It was a little too soon for her. She knew why he was here - he always came to her after something had gone wrong with her powers - so she supposed she would. . . just have to wing it._

_"Hey Colette," he started small, a smile and a coaxing tone of voice, "What's up? I just wanted to see if you were okay. Everyone else is downstairs and you're up here alone. In fact," and now he tried to focus onto the task at hand, "as soon as we got back you came straight up here."_

_"Um, yeah. I'm sorry, I guess I was just kind of tired." She rose from her place in bed, starting to laugh off his worries politely before cutting herself off. After all, Lloyd had told her already that he knew what her fake giggle sounded like, and that he knew it meant she was hiding something or that something was wrong. So, instead, she faked a yawn to sell her story._

_"Oh, tired huh? I wonder what it feels like to be that way after losing your ability to sleep for so long?" He asked rhetorically, not actually needing an answer. It was like he was trying to distract them both before edging into the conversation. Of course, Colette gave one anyway._

_"It's like when I first realized my angel powers had kicked in. Suddenly I could see and hear from far away and I could cast spells with the light attribute and it was weird to know I could do things I shouldn't be able to. But it wasn't bad, I felt okay, and not thinking about eating or sleeping, I actually felt _great_." She took another deep breath. "I guess that's how it feels now, more or less. I mean, I'm doing things I shouldn't be able to but it feels really good to know I can." She smiled up at him._

_"I'm happy for you. I was really worried when you couldn't do those things. But, that being said," and for a moment he had a truly thoughtful expression on his face, as though trying to figure out how best to get down to the matter he wanted to approach, "it seemed like something happened today. Um, I mean, let's see. . . did something happen to your angel hearing? Usually you can hear so clearly, all sorts of things you wouldn't ordinarily be able to, right? Like that time in Gaorocchia Forest, when the Papal Knights were trying to surround us. . . You hearing their footsteps was the only way we would know we were walking into a trap."_

_Yes, Colette remembered that scene. It had been the first time she's met the Pope's personal soldiers since getting her heart back, so she hadn't known exactly what or who she was hearing, just that it was clearly and highly out of place._

_"And we had already assumed that the Key Crest I made for you had returned your humanity even though it also left your angel powers in tact. . . But maybe we were wrong? And when we make the Rune Crest, it could do something even _more_. . . But anyway, do you think you could be losing them now?" He stated it cautiously not wanting to accuse her but needing an answer._

_"Hm. . . losing my powers?" They had become such a great part of her entity, of who she was, that she'd almost forgotten about not always having them. She was sure that it had at least a little to do with how accepting Lloyd and her other friends had been about her transformation. There had been a time during the very early course of her first Journey of Regeneration when the people she was traveling with turning her away had scared her far more than having to say goodbye and sacrifice herself at the end._

_It sounded ridiculous, of course, but humans often held onto feeble and farfetched notions; they were usually selfish like that._

_Her train of thought came to a halt when she realized that her best friend was still staring at her inquiringly._

_"Oh, um," she fumbled nervously, embarrassed to have remained dazed for so long, "I'm fine. I'm sure I'm fine. I. . . It was really quiet, wasn't it? And we were talking right outside his door. Maybe the Pope just happened to hear us and, knowing we were there, he kept silent to trick us into walking in and being caught off-guard?" She smiled reassuringly at him, "I'm sorry though. I should have been able to do at least something as simple as what you asked of me. . ." And she honestly felt bad about failing him so miserably._

_"No, don't worry about it, Colette! It couldn't have been your fault." He seemed to drop the topic there, sidetracked by her incessant apologies, though he stared at her a split second longer than necessary to convince himself of her story, and then he turned around and faced the door. "Well, sleep it off if you really feel that tired. I'll come back up here when dinner's ready to see if you want any."_

_The door snapped closed and Lloyd's feet shuffled against the wooden floor outside. It was no use. . . After the third or so creaking step she couldn't hear a thing. Nevertheless she felt the comfort of the mattress as she sat back down on it, and as she fell back and let her head make contact with the plush pillow._

_A mantra flowed through her head until the time she fell asleep, denial easing her mind almost soundlessly._

_"I'll be okay. I'm going to be fine. I _will _get better."_

_A few hours later she woke up again and knew immediately by the darkness outside her window that she'd missed dinner. She was sure Lloyd had come to offer it but had probably been torn about waking her to ask her if she was hungry. She bore no grudge for that, least of all against him._

_Nevertheless, she had woken up for a reason and now, as she considered it, she knew what it was. Her throat was dry and the evening silence was punctured by her stomach grumbling in hunger. So she rose from underneath the covers - (which was strange because she surely couldn't remember pulling them over her, but it was a good thing they had been, she decided, after feeling the slightly uncomfortable chill in the air wash over her) - and readjusted her skirt, trying to stretch it free of the wrinkles, heading for the door. As expected when she stepped out onto the landing upstairs in Zelos's house, all of the light-fixtures were dimmed down. Everyone must have been sleeping by now._

_She carefully strode down the staircase, her hand gripping the elegant banister. She was just about to turn the corner around the living room and head for the dining room and kitchen when she heard voices._

_"Oh, Presea! I didn't know you were up." It was Lloyd. What a shame, Colette managed to think to herself. She had hoped that even he would get a full night's sleep tonight and not just end up dozing off for fifteen minute intervals every couple hours when he happened to be too exhausted to keep his guard up. "You couldn't sleep?"_

_There was the sound of a faucet running for a few seconds before someone turned it off. Colette's heart seemed to be on its way to stopping. Every emergency bell in her head was ringing, and she knew why. Despite the fact that this wasn't a conversation her friends had intended to be private, they thought they were alone, not to mention she knew with everything inside of her that it was wrong to eavesdrop!_

_But. . ._

_"No," Presea said at last with her almost-monotone, "my eyes have been closed for at least an hour, but it didn't help."_

_"Oh," Colette could tell by the drop in Lloyd's enthusiasm that he'd discovered this conversation to be more difficult than originally thought. The thing about Presea was that she always kept her distance. Even if someone was concerned for her she rarely ever let them in, although it wasn't for lack of trying. "Well, uh, why do you think you had trouble sleeping then? I mean, if you don't mind my asking."_

_"I presume it is because I killed a man today, a human being. Monsters are one thing but. . ." In a rare moment of sensitivity, she faltered, unable to explain what she was feeling. Lloyd and the others had grown accustomed to explaining to her current human habits and emotions by now, but even so, her own understanding as to why she behaved the way she did was almost something to be marveled excluding the information they fed her from time to time._

_"Oh," Lloyd said again, lacking the level of insight she possessed, "You mean Vharley. Hm. . ." Colette could imagine him now, crossing his arms and creasing his brow in frustration. He wanted to help Presea solve her problem, but it was hard to know what to say. "Presea, you. . . shouldn't feel too guilty. Vharley was a criminal. He made people suffer, didn't he?"_

_"Yes," Presea said bluntly, "but my personal vendetta against him caused me to overlook the law."_

_"But. . . unfortunately the one with the most control of the laws in Tethe`alla was the Pope, and Regal had said he never intended to arrest Vharley for his crimes. You brought justice to everyone he ever made a victim of, including your sister. . . and yourself." Lloyd sighed and ruffled a hand through his hair. He was wondering why he would condone her actions against that man, and so was she._

_"You are saying that it may have been the only way to stop him," Presea wasn't asking, and yet she still seemed to need that validation, "and because I should consider that as a factor, I shouldn't hold myself accountable for what I did."_

_"No, no. You need to always hold yourself accountable for your actions."_

_"Oh. . . Of course," and her tone sounded like she'd known it all along, that she would have been surprised to learn that was the way _he _thought of it._

_"I mean that what you did you ended up doing for good reason. I've. . . killed someone before, too. . . And it's a difficult thing but you need to know that you had a reason for it. It may have been a very good reason, or maybe it was a poorly made decision but. . . you're different than him." Lloyd wanted to note that she should consider herself lucky that she had only killed a man who constantly hurt others and not an innocent victim like. . ._

_. . . But he didn't want to think of that now._

_"I understand. However I still don't think I could sleep soundly."_

_"Believe it or not, that's a good thing. If you lose sleep after ending a life then it means you sympathize with that loss. It means you might hurt and feel guilty but. . . it also makes you a good person."_

_Colette stood rooted to the banister, her eyes feeling dry and painful. This was wrong. She should know better._

_Presea said nothing at first and, if asked, both of the people waiting for her answer would admit to wondering if she still didn't get what Lloyd was trying to tell her, and then. . ._

_"I understand," she repeated, "Thank you." She didn't justify her thanks but seemed to end the conversation. Colette felt panic begin to new at the back of her mind. She didn't want to be found standing there! Until, "Lloyd." Again it was impossible to tell if Presea was attempting to ask a question, but he answered her anyway._

_"What is it?"_

_"Is there. . . a specific reason for you being up?" She sounded concerned._

_"Oh. . . hm. . . Not really. I was just sort of thirsty but then I saw you sitting down here alone." At least it explained why the faucet had been running though Colette couldn't help but wonder. . ._

_"So you will be following me back upstairs; you'll be going back to bed as well?"_

_"Yeah, just a minute. I wanted to finish my water. I'll be done in a second."_

_But Colette knew better, and knowing better caused her face to pale. A feeling washed over her, slightly reminiscent of the days when she was keeping her secrets about her Angel Toxicosis and her Chronic Angelus Chrystallus Inofficium from her friends. Dread at them finding out, she didn't want them to know that she was anything less than she may have seemed at first glance. . . But beyond that, a horrible gripping possessive thought came to mind -- Lloyd's special words that always, _always _made her feel better should belong to her and her only! No one else should be able to accept themselves better based on _his _thoughts about their situation. Let them depend on someone else!_

_It was like a flash and the thought was gone, leaving Colette horrified. Looking down as though trying to find something - _anything _- that would distract her, her eyes fell upon her hand sitting on the banister. She had started gripping it so hard at some point that her knuckles were bleached white and red blotches appeared here and there._

_A faint pain, more the echo of an old wound than anything fresh, curled up her spine before reaching her shoulder blades. She flinched just because but then it was gone and she heard feet pitter-pattering on the wooden floor right below her._

_The panic was back, her fear of possible discovery, but her own feet acted quickly in response, her toes automatically skimming the floor so she didn't make any noise. She avoided a creaking step instinctively, remembering it from when she could hear those things so clearly. It was easy to place them, even now._

_But even as she clambered upstairs as quietly as possible, her thoughts mulled over what had happened downstairs and her reaction. It was because Lloyd had lied so that Presea wouldn't be any the wiser, but Colette _knew_. By now she'd become accustomed to his erratic sleeping pattern and while she wished there was something she could do to make it better - just short of knocking him out, herself - she knew there wasn't a thing._

_But knowing either way meant she was privy to information Presea might not have been. Because Lloyd didn't get much sleep, he usually was aware of late night details that the rest of them weren't, or that they didn't want him to know. . . Like one of them being troubled and unable to sleep, for instance._

_He had probably been awake and had intended to talk to Presea from the beginning, even not knowing what was wrong with her._

_Colette hadn't realized she was back in her room until now, as she subconsciously eased the door closed behind her. And as she fell back onto her bed, she finally remembered why she'd gone downstairs in the first place._

_Her stomach still grumbled pitifully and, as she swallowed, she felt a bitter taste in her mouth. Still, she closed her eyes and ignored it, feigning sleep just in case anyone came to check on her. She didn't think she could keep anything down now anyway._

OoO

Colette pretended that nothing had happened after that night, which was fairly easy to do considering no one besides her had known about her eavesdropping on Lloyd's conversation with Presea. It meant that she didn't have to worry about dealing with the awkward stares or, even more likely, the avoidance. And she'd grown to be very good at acting like nothing was wrong.

Other than Lloyd, nobody else from their group had wandered up to her to address their concern about that time when her angel senses had gone haywire. She was sure that after their talk, he'd referred her excuse to everyone. . . Hopefully, however, they hadn't caught on to the fact that it _was _an excuse.

Since then, the group had moved on close to the final battle against Mithos. They had actually already infiltrated his castle but had ended up retreating after winning their battle against the Dragon Gatekeeper. Lloyd had been worried about the fight being too simple, too _easy_. Colette had to admit, she thought it had ended rather soon. And that was the point her best friend had been trying to make, apparently. He didn't want to be accused of being too easily manipulated into a false sense of security, or getting the rest of them hurt. Even though he knew they could take Mithos on and win he still wanted to take his time with it.

Just to be sure.

So the mixed group from two worlds traveled throughout the land surrounding Tethe`alla's Tower of Salvation, sometimes using their connections with the Mizuho village to get a free night's sleep inside. The shinobi people were always happy to accommodate them after all.

In fact, that's where they were now, sitting around a small indoor fire stove while Regal and Genis worked together to cook them something that would be scintillating to their palates. Of course, Genis often got distracted by making sure Presea was paying him any and all of her attention, so it was miraculous (or Regal's quick fixes afterwards) that the spaghetti with fresh vegetables didn't taste too bitter, or maybe even something else strange.

"Hey, Colette, is something wrong?" Sheena asked, drawing Lloyd and Raine's attention to the situation too, "You keep, uh," for some reason she seemed a little embarrassed to say that she'd noticed it, "scratching your back."

"Hm?" She stopped with her fingers etching into her back through her shirt. Then she blinked and her brow creased a bit, almost in wonder, "Wow, you're right, Sheena! Hey, that's weird isn't it?" Nevertheless she went back to scratching that itch that didn't want to leave her alone. She laughed though.

"That _is _weird. . ." Lloyd stated, incredulous.

"Hm, would you like me to take a look, Colette? Maybe there's something I can do." Raine reminded her.

"No, I think it's okay. I probably just need to take a bath," she said, and to prove her point, she did force herself to stop scratching that place right under the back of her neck, around her spine, "I think I will after dinner. . ." She lost herself in the slightest train of thought and Zelos, hearing any girl talking about a situation in which they would be without clothes, barged forward, pushing Lloyd aside before he could think of any advice to give his best friend.

"_Ooh_," he drew it out and then grinned excitedly, "good idea, Colette! I didn't know we Chosen think alike too! I was just wondering when I should sneak off for a soak. Hey, I have an idea. . ." He put on a vaguely thoughtful expression, tapping his chin elegantly with a finger, "Hm. . . How about we get in together, right? And then we can wash each other's backs--" He was cut off by Sheena punching him in the gut.

"--You pervert! Would you please not hastle at least the girls we know you care about on more than a physical level?" She shrieked, her arms crossed so that her voluptuous bust suddenly looked even more-so. She didn't notice Zelos's gaze drop at first, so she kept talking, "I mean, I realize that it's very hard for you to hold even the slightest intellectual conversation with any young woman over the age of twelve, but still. . . ! Hey, wait," she looked up at him now, her arms dropping and ruining the view (if only a little bit), and clenched her fists indignantly, "where do you think you were looking, huh?"

"Ma-_haan_, Sheena! You don't have to hit me so hard! I wasn't implying anything! My offer was completely innocent, I swear!" He said, slightly winded by her second impact, "And I care about all of my hunnies equally! I can't give one special treatment; the others might get jealous!"

"Oh, honestly, do I have to be the only adult one here and pick apart your little squabbles?" Raine asked, looking irritated. Sheena knew she was safe - the Professor would be on her side even if she didn't say so - but dropped her gaze to the floor anyway with humility. Zelos opened his mouth to say something else but the shinobi woman threatened him with her elbow and he clammed up, taking her barely existent advice.

"Good, I'm glad that's over," Genis started, his hands full with plates, "because dinner is finally served!"

"Great, 'cause I'm starving!" Lloyd started, getting his first word in in almost ten minutes, and he held his hands up from his place on the ground so that the half-elf could pass him some grub. . . but was completely overlooked, "Hey, Genis. . . !"

"Here you go, Presea!" Genis smiled as warmly as possible at the small girl before him and she stared back, her expression one of almost nothing, "I made yours special! You don't like mushrooms, right?"

Presea took her dinner from him and stared at it. True, there were no mushrooms (and he was right; she didn't like them), and there had been fresh tomatoes tossed into her sauce instead of any canned paste, and cheese littered the plate here and there.

"Genis," she started and he looked excitedly back at her. She had to be impressed; his work was flawless! "Thank you. Your cooking is. . . nice." She took her first bite, a glimmer of something flashing through her eyes, ". . . And it reminds me of home, of my sister." Even as she said it, her voice dropped an octave as she grew reminiscent, and a little sad.

"Of. . . Alicia?" Genis was not only disappointed, but curious and upset as well. That wasn't what he'd been going for at all. Even so, what she had said made sense he supposed, when thinking of her past. She had taken up her father's occupation while he was sick - though Alicia was supposedly younger, he figured she would probably learn to cook and clean house while Presea worked, and of course she would know what foods her older sister didn't like.

In fact, reflecting on it more, her homely skills were probably why she'd chosen to apply for a position in Regal's home as a maid anyway. She'd figured she could get paid for doing everything she'd already taught herself to do over the years. But. . . that the food he'd prepared had somehow reminded her of a home he didn't know more than minor details about. . .

He turned a sharp and stiff gaze on Regal, who either didn't notice as he dutifully handed plates out to everyone else, or who acknowledged it but was too much of a coward to face him like a man (all in Genis's head of course). So, all of those "mistakes" he was "fixing" were to give Presea the home-cooked meal she couldn't ever have anywhere else! Obviously it was a dirty trick, a ploy, a lousy con. . .

. . . Because he would never be distracted by something like a girl! Not even Presea held that kind of power! Even if she were to cry (though it was impossible because she was much too strong for it) or smile (as cute as it was) or. . .

"Genis?" He shook himself from his reverie and looked into her eyes. . . and then around at the others, who were all sitting cross-legged and eating in silence or else staring up at him confusedly. Even Regal had started on his food by now.

He coughed, feeling remarkably stupid, cursed Lloyd for no reason at all, and took his own seat next to his sister. And then everyone enjoyed the sound of laughter and a nice meal with their friends.

Colette bathed later on in the public wash basin outside of the group's hut. She cleaned as thoroughly as she could too, scrubbing her back an extra time. But it didn't seem to do any good. For whatever reason the itch stayed, irking her. And beyond that she felt that ache again, arching upward from the bottom of her spine. It only lasted a few minutes before vanishing, but her itch lingered on still.

Honestly, she was beginning to think it was all in her head. In retrospect, that would be a good thing, of course. If she could rid herself of whatever ailment in her head was causing her itching and weird thrills of pain then nobody would ever have to learn of her experiences with them to begin with.

And suddenly, without any warning, the itch was gone. Colette blinked, confused, and gave it an extra second, not moving and barely breathing. It. . . It wasn't coming back! Maybe guessing it could be in her head was all she'd needed to do! Maybe now it wouldn't be a problem anymore.

Colette laughed, a little more gleeful than necessary. But she had done it! She'd saved _herself _for once (even from something so mediocre) and nobody else had been burdened! Really, it felt like she'd accomplished something.

Decidedly clean, she stopped the water, pulled a towel around her, and opened the curtain to face the warm summer evening, ringing her hair out in the drain. She found the panel Sheena had shown her earlier, tapping it and opening the sliding door that led straight to the room she shared with the other female members of their group.

Things were looking up.

OoOoO

**Notes **- Whee, that was so much fun! I had to do a bit of editing when I realized a couple things might be out of place in comparison to the game synopsis. If you happen to catch something please let me know. The same thing happened in the first chapter (sort of) so, just in case it matters to you, I wanted to let everyone know that I've reposted it with some changes.

I'm so sad though. . . I've gotten almost completely through the fifth chapter in my notebook but have turned Zelos into a comedy-character, something that I know he's good for but. . . I wanted to make him a little bit better than that, just a _little _bit deeper! But I got in a scene for Genis and Presea, and that makes me happy. Lol; the thing is the more I think about them and their possibilities, especially after writing this bit above -**looks up**- the more I think that they'd actually work out well together. And I think that Regal would give them their blessing if he could. I mean, despite everything those two "kids" have been through, Genis's honest crush on Presea gives them a flair of innocence, which they definitely need. And despite a lot of excuses from anti-shippers to the contrary, they do stand on some pretty even ground when you think about it. . . But I'll stop there. I'd hate to keep ranting to people who might not even support it.

And, holy poo, since I've started this fic I've come up with at least two more ToS fics, too, including a one-shot where I hopefully make it up to Zelos for his poor character presentation in this fic. . . Yay!

Anyway, please review and let me know what you thought, and tell me if you caught something you were confused or curious about. By the way, the next chapter doesn't have a flashback in it, I don't think. . . but then chapter four will. I hope it's not too confusing. It's just how the plot works out.


	3. Kieru : Disappear

**Author **- Chibi / Warlordess

**Notes **- Oh my, I've been slowly but surely working my way up to this fic for so many months now that I'm actually scared of writing it for fear that I'll be disappointed in myself. . . Still, I really liked the idea. . . I mean, Colette suffers (can you believe I'm a huge fan?) and Lloyd saves her, and it's all about the feelings, let alone a physical illness that comes into play and might or might not have something to do with Cruxis. . . Whoo. . . ! I'm so excited and pumped now!

Okay, so please read and review honestly! This is going to be my first Colloyd confession fic (if all goes well) out of. . . How many has it been now? Like, four or five? I've been wanting to do this _for-ev-er_. Lol. So. . . that's it! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer **- I wish, most sincerely, that I owned Tales of Symphonia. That OVA would have finished if I did, damnit! And Colloyd? Yeah, that would have really, totally, completely happened. And Sheena would have obviously warmed up to Zelos. . . Not to mention Presea and Genis. . . (I still want to write my one-shot idea on them anyway; hopefully it's not too farfetched, and maybe it wasn't even a one-shot. I can't remember anymore.)

**Side Note **- This chapter starts talking about battle "strategies," and yes, I do mean those that you can put into effect in the actual game. I try to make it sound like the characters are simply training and not being controlled by the player. It'll get a bit more difficult if I start having Sheena summon ('cause she can only do it in Over-Limit, and I feel weird making Over-Limit exist in a fan fic for some reason). I'm trying to stick to the facts, though, so that's the way it's going to be. I might mix in things from the game and the OVA but I'm trying to take my own creative license out and splash it here and there, mostly in the flashbacks. They're supposed to be conversations that I think would have happened in the game if there'd been the time. I'm trying to refrain from being too lazy so it's more game knowledge other than that (as in, seriously, I've done all the research I can think of). Therefore if you're confused about something, please let me know. I will respond to all reviews asking questions that need to be answered to understand this fic better unless I've planned for them to be explained later on a certain chapter. Even if it takes me a week to do so.

OoOoO

**Tales of Symphonia **- "Angelus Tainted"

**Summary **- The Chosen of Regeneration had not been since the time Lloyd said he would save her. And yet, Colette agonizes when she begins to realize her greatest wishes aren't for the good fortune of everyone around her, but rather for a specific someone. . . And now, Cruxis has turned her away as the one with the power to regenerate Sylvarant. Colloyd.

**Part Three** - "And I'm Slowly Fading"

OoOoO

The next day Colette woke up feeling oddly refreshed. True, she had taken a nice, hot shower followed by a full evening of fluent and deep sleep, and she supposed that had contributed a bit to it (well, probably more than a bit) but she had grown accustomed to just being tired all of the time that it felt good - great, really - to wake up feeling normal. She felt like she knew she was supposed to.

She ate a normal breakfast that Sheena had prepared (a foreign dish) and joined Lloyd when he had to stop by the store for some Gels; emergency supplies. After that she followed Professor Sage to the Vice-Chief Tiga's hut. The Professor was curious about Mizuho's village culture and history. She didn't know what information she would receive, if any, but as a scholar she felt the need to ask.

And Colette felt the need to join her. She, herself, wasn't particularly all that interested but. . . she needed to make everyone believe she was okay, make them _know _she was okay. And the only way to get that message across seemed to be to show them. Words meant next to nothing when compared to action.

So the group stocked up, discussed their plans for that day, and left the village after lunch with all of the blessings they could carry with them. Today they would travel in the general direction of Altamira, training between the island and the outskirts of Ymir Forest.

The boars were a tough enemy, after all, and the killer bees. Between the two, brute force and poison were boasted and they only flinched and went on the defensive about fifty percent of the time. This left magic-users at a great disadvantage if nobody was around to protect them, and that became Colette's job. Lloyd took the frontal assault with Regal in tow, and if a crow happened to get through them to try and break Raine out of her concentration, she would have to step in to defend her. It was hard containing her urges to dash forward and assist her other friends on the frontlines but she did see the benefits of sticking to her own position. It was a lot easier for Raine to heal them, or summon the power of Photon, when she didn't have to worry about their enemies slashing out at her.

Throughout the day - (days, really, considering they were practicing all the time) - they tried different strategies with different team members. They asked Raine to take a break and had Zelos step in since he could alter between a front-liner and a healer when necessary. Lloyd stepped down for Sheena when it came to certain elemental fights because she could equip other team members with a counter-element for critical damage blows.

At some point, Colette became a front-liner as well, working with Presea. They both lacked a good basic combo but Colette was great at throwing in her special techniques, linking them all together while Presea backed her up with her raw power. Between the two of them, they kept the monsters sidetracked long enough for Genis to end them with his Meteor Shower.

They took a break after that, and Colette tested her own cooking for the first time in awhile by making beef stew. The group of eight enjoyed the serenity of their moment without any evil force trying to tear them apart. . . It was a rare time for them to be able to sit down together and have a conversation about everything and nothing without worry.

In fact, she was enjoying it so much herself that Colette hadn't noticed what she was doing until Presea pointed it out to her.

"Colette. . . Are you alright? Your back. . . It seems to be itching again."

"Oh. . . uh. . . yeah. But I've been training all day and constantly in battle. It was really hot for awhile there and I'm sure. . ." Here she broke off, a little embarrassed, ". . . that I sweated at least a little," still, though she knew it might concern them all, she didn't remove her hand from the back of her dress. In fact, the itch seemed to get worse, more constant, so she scratched harder.

"Hey, Colette. . ." Lloyd furrowed his brow suspiciously and pointed at her as she continued, ". . . I hate to say it but. . . you look like you might have a rash!"

It was so blunt, too much so, and Colette felt her face heat up. Yet at the same time she felt absolutely elated! A rash! If that was all it was - how come she had never thought of it herself? But it was embarrassing to have that information out there and, sensing her discomfort, Raine slapped Lloyd in the back of the head.

"Ow! What'd I do?" He asked incredulously, rubbing at his scalp. As he glanced around, even Sheena and Genis were giving him dirty looks. However Presea seemed to agree with his tactic.

"Colette, if you are suffering - even only slightly - and there is something that can be done for it, please do not hesitate," she said, looking the blond Chosen straight in the eye and trying her best to sound comforting. "You may always ask Lloyd for assistance. He taught me that he is the one we can depend on in our times of absolute need." And everyone turned their eyes on him again.

Now it was _his _turn to feel the burn as his cheeks grew uncomfortably warm.

"What? Why me?" He asked, again incredulous.

"Lloyd, you are the one who bound all of our fates together," Regal added by way of his ten Gald.

"Somehow, but I'll never understand," Genis shrugged and ignored Lloyd's glare from halfway across the campsite.

"Yeah, you know, you gave us all a common enemy, a common purpose, and something to fight for so that we can achieve something even better." Sheena had a certain look on her face as she said it, one that Colette couldn't help but notice. Unconsciously, her own smile stretched itself across her face, like plaster that needed to be chipped away.

"Remember what I said before Lloyd, that what you've done is given me an ideal that I hope with every fiber of my being comes to exist. A world without meaningless sacrifice, without prejudice, where everyone has a right to live from the time they're born. I believe that with you leading everyone forward we will always be able to succeed in creating that ideal." The Professor caught his eye and finished her statement, "No matter how long it takes, because you're the only one of any of us who has never been sidetracked by personal motives or missions. You see what needs to be done for the sake of everyone everywhere so clearly, more than what needs to be done for your own gratification."

Lloyd grew silent. Maybe he really hadn't noticed all this time how he'd been rallying everyone together, or maybe he had suddenly become so humble that he didn't know what to say. Or maybe he was just too distracted to come up with a reply, thanks still to Colette who was scratching her back even now.

"Yeah, man; I mean I'd never admit it to anyone outside of us here but your pathetic excuses for value in all life have even given me hope!" Zelos laughed, leaning over and slapping Lloyd on the shoulder with a wide grin on his face. But they could tell he was serious. Otherwise why join in on the appreciating speech?

Of course he could've just liked humiliating others, but they chose to believe he agreed with them.

Colette giggled but didn't add to the conversation. She knew that if she opened her mouth now while everyone was complimenting him so much then she wouldn't be able to stop every utterance, all of her feelings and thoughts for him. They would have fallen from her lips and hit the ground, scattering around for everyone to hear. . . and, if ever she did have the chance to tell him how she felt about him, she wouldn't want it to come out like _that_. . .

She simply had to hope that the expression on her face could be read clearly enough.

"Colette, you really should do something about your. . . itch, or whatever. Something could be wrong you know, and. . . I don't want you to risk getting sick." Lloyd interjected, and everyone wondered if it was out of embarrassment.

Regal looked thoughtful enough for them to notice, and then he explained what was going through his head.

"If it's only a skin irritation then I may be able to help. The Lezareno Company hosts a spa at the resort in Altamira. We use special salts, lotions, and other applications known for healing the skin. They massage it in thoroughly after allowing usage of the special hot baths."

"Oh, that's right. Not only is Altamira famous for the beach, amusement park, and casino," Zelos said with one of his wry smirks. Sheena scoffed and rolled her eyes. It figured he would only mention the sight-seeing thrill spots. He had always been known for all play and no work, "but their therapeutic skin care center too. You wouldn't have to worry about a thing, little Colette! They always put their all into the treatment."

"Why do you sound as if you actually know more about this than you're letting on?" Genis asked with an incredulous gaze. Zelos looked wounded in reply.

"What do you mean? The great Zelos has to look his best all day everyday for his hunnies and other spectators! If that means he has to get his deep-tissue massage and pedicure at least once a month then so be it, right?" He whined all in one long and overly-defensive breath.

There was a moment of collective laughter and contentment. Zelos didn't have the grace to look embarrassed though he did manage to shut up for awhile.

"So what do you think Colette?" Sheena asked, "I mean, even though he's a stupid pervert, Zelos is right. They do good work in Altamira, at least according to reputation."

"Yeah, how about giving it a try?" Lloyd continued, "I mean, we don't have much of anything to lose, and you look really, _really _uncomfortable. . ."

"Um. . ." Colette crossed her eyes in thought. They all had a point, really; she didn't think it could get any worse. She was almost constantly scratching now. It seemed the relief she'd felt a few days ago during her shower had been short-lived if not entirely misleading. Still, she'd never been pampered before - even as the Chosen of her own world - and she wasn't sure she'd like it. She'd always lived a humble life for the most part; the most expensive looking thing she owned after her Cruxis Crystal would be the necklace Lloyd had _made _for her.

What's more, some part of her was stating in a very loud and clear tone of voice that it would do her no good. But seeing as that opinion would be no reason to object to the notion. . .

"Okay, I'll try it out."

The group began cleaning and packing up soon after, wanting to reach the island city before it got too late. They would spend the night in the Lezareno Hotel then book Colette's appointment the next day. As Regal was the President (even if George was still standing in) he could ensure she got a good timeslot and that they wouldn't be charged. It was what they called the "dark side" of business, Regal said, and he didn't like to wield his power and influence around like that but. . . More than anything he wanted to do his part on this journey. And if helping one of his friends relax after so much had seemed to go wrong for them was all he was capable of then so be it.

The beds that night were soft, warm, and comfortable - luxurious. Everyone slept soundly, even Lloyd, who had crashed and burned after going almost three weeks with an average of four hours a night followed by long terms of rigorous training every day that his body didn't appreciate.

Colette found herself waking with the sun, which confused her. She usually didn't get up so early without a very good reason. And then she felt it - a sharp, crippling pain that echoed through her spine. Had she been standing when she first felt it, it would have concluded in her falling down anyway. As it was, she settled for curling her knees into her chest, biting her lip so she wouldn't whimper out loud. The resort suite was so large it easily fit all eight of them, and still had room for a few extra. This meant that she was right across from Genis and above Raine.

She squinted her eyes closed when they started to water. . . It was the same pain as before. The only difference was that the few other times she had felt it, it had come and gone like a wave, washing itself away almost immediately. Now it seemed to prefer hanging around. And acknowledging that caused another thought to hit her.

It was. . . _progressing_. It was an infection or disease or something that had attacked her suddenly and clung on and, what she thought was an affliction passing her over, was now a bona fide virus wearing and tearing her down. And it seemed to be focusing on certain traits. . . It was a worst case scenario but it seemed like she'd finally matched it with the worst case consequence.

Still, it didn't mean that some of it wasn't related to stress. After Colette thought it over, she decided it was all the more reason to keep her appointment at the spa center, especially considering what the others would say if she suddenly changed her mind. But if they could somehow relax her and make even a little bit of her ailment go away, then it was worth the discomfort of strangers attending to her every whim for a certain amount of time.

She blinked, suddenly realizing that the pain had stopped. She didn't feel itchy either. Unclenching her body, she eased herself slowly loose, worried it might come back. After a few minutes of blissful nothingness, however, she couldn't help feeling a wave of calm wash over her in place of that former pain and ended up falling asleep again.

"Colette. . . ?" A voice said with an airy-fairy undertone, as though from far away, and with an echo. She struggled to open her eyes but really all she just wanted to do was go back to bed. When she dreamt she felt so detached from what was happening in those dreams, perhaps because - somehow - she knew they weren't real.

If she knew they weren't real, she wouldn't be as scared. Sure the possibility was still there, but as long as she had a way of preventing it. . . It was easier too, because all of them weren't bad. She could deal with fairy tales, or something overly-ordinary.

"Colette, c'mon, you have to get up. Regal went to put in for your treatment early this morning. If we don't leave now they're going to cancel and give it to someone else." The voice was becoming clearer now, more familiar, but she couldn't help feeling that it was different than the one from before. And what were they talking about? She _was _awake! She just. . . needed to open her eyes. . .

They were laughing at her now in an endearing sort of way, and she felt herself smile too. She knew she needed to get up but. . . but the bed was so comfy!

"Just think though," the voice said, "if the beds are this nice, the baths and massages and stuff should be great shouldn't they?" It was funny how they were so alike, wasn't it?

"Mm. . . Lloyd. . ." She murmured, already knowing she was right. She finally turned over and opened her eyes, staring into his. Nobody else seemed to be around anymore and, as she rose from under the covers, stretching and looking him in the face, he answered the question that came to mind before she could ask it.

"Yeah, Genis tried waking you up almost fifteen minutes ago but you must have slept through it or something," he shrugged here, "so, anyway, everyone went out to get something to eat and I told them I'd get you downstairs to your appointment. They're going to meet us there in about ten more minutes. Then after all that I figured _you'd _be hungry so, if you want, we can go out together - just the two of us."

She was suddenly wide awake. . . or maybe she was still dreaming. She felt her heard tumble into her stomach. Lloyd was. . . offering to take her out to eat? Just the two of them? She blinked, her face warming, before forcefully throwing the blankets off, jumping to her feet, and running to the bathroom to clean her face.

"I'm sorry Lloyd! I'll be out in just a minute!" She claimed, and Lloyd surely hoped so because he'd heard rumors of girls taking ages in there. They were running late enough as it was.

But she was relatively true to her word. The two of them locked their suite door and clambered together on the elevator heading down two floors. They walked around the sparkling crystal fountain in the center of the lobby, approaching the young woman behind the counter.

"Hi!" Lloyd said enthusiastically, and she smiled back at him in return, "we have an appointment set for eleven under the name Colette Brunel. George should have helped set it up this morning, right?" Lloyd asked, turning a reassuring gaze on his best friend before retracing back to the woman behind the counter again and waiting for an answer.

"Hm. . ." The woman turned her eyes to the roster in front of her, highlighting Colette's name to show she had arrived, "okay, I'll contact Amelia. She'll be the one assisting you today. It'll take five minutes or so to begin after telling her of your arrival. In the meantime we would like you to change out of your clothes, pick up at least one towel and robe from the hall over there," she pointed to their right, where an adjacent room stood, also leading off into another series of rooms, "Oh, and here you go!" She chirped, handing Colette a card key with the identification "S-12" printed on it in fancy lettering. Then she quickly pulled up a pen and wrote the I.D. next to the blonde Chosen's highlighted name on the docket before her.

"Um. . ." Colette began curiously but the woman explained.

"You locate the suite with number twelve on it back there," she pointed to the same place as before, where Colette's change in clothes awaited her, "and enter the room using that key. Change into our garments and Amelia will meet you there in just a few minutes to begin your treatment. And _relax_," she finished with a knowing tone at what looked to be Colette's discomfort, "and enjoy yourself."

"So. . . do you want me to come back there with you?" Lloyd asked a few seconds later as they were walking through the archway leading into the adjacent room. A man handed Colette her things with another friendly smile. Colette accepted them gracefully, inside her heart clenching up. . . but she really had nothing to be scared of. As much as she had seen during her journeys this should be nothing at all to her!

But, at the same time, Lloyd was leaving her behind, and she would be wearing strange clothes in a strange place, and though whatever they were going to do wouldn't hurt at all, she couldn't help feeling wary. But even so. . . despite feeling everything she was, and so much too. . .

She had to be strong, right?

"It's okay, Lloyd. I'm not scared so I can do it on my own." She smiled reassuringly at him and, for one instant, he looked perplexed by her reply but shook it off a moment later.

". . . Uh, alright then. I'll wait for you in the lobby. Here's hoping that when you're done, everything will be okay again!" And he threw up a fist in confidence before leaving her be.

From that point on, Colette was alone.

In retrospect, she thought that it had felt pretty good. What she had expected to be one of the most uncomfortable experiences of her life (though only the other women of their group would have known that it was because she thought her body resembled a _flat wooden plank_) had actually been quite soothing to her - apparently - stressed out body (according to Amelia).

There had been some fuss about a bruise on her thigh which was explained by a battle technique gone slightly awry. A lot of time was spent on the knots both in her hair and shoulders. It was a little embarrassing knowing that they spent about an hour brushing out her tresses alone. They'd cleaned and trimmed all of her nails - even the ones on her toes! - lotioning her hands and pressing on the balls of her feet until all of the calluses were loosened up, and scrubbed the chapped bottoms. She almost felt ready to fall asleep but knew she couldnt, assumed it would actually be rude.

And then Amelia had looked further down her back, massaging any possible stretch marks out with a special remedy. There weren't any of course but it was part of the treatment. Colette shuddered involuntarily when those hands reached the slender form of her hips. She just couldn't help it though! Until that day nobody had touched her anywhere below her stomach. . . !

But the scratches, the rug burn look-alikes, were the real problem. Unfortunately for Colette, and she really hadn't been paying all that much attention to it, the itch had been around for so long and each time had stuck around longer still, they she had begun scratching too hard. Even now it didn't seem to hurt that much bit. . . _it was back_. She'd been so exasperated about her appointment she assumed that she hadn't even noticed until now but she knew it had been lurking around all the same, though she couldn't remember when it had started. And not only this time around but in general.

The thought hit her hard. This strange and unimaginable itch - at first she had thought it was a random occurrence or series of occurrences but now. . . now it seemed like it was maybe. . . a symptom of something bigger. She couldn't be sure of course but it was usually how it went with being sick right? And she still couldn't hear or see like she used to when they had been attributes enhanced by her Chosen status.

She didn't know what it meant. And she didn't want to worry anymore. The way she'd been feeling was already something she wanted to keep to herself. It was horrible and terrible and vindictive. She could do without it all if she could just figure out _how_. . . but it seemed impossible for her. Because those thoughts weren't bad habits that she could run away with time and self-control - oh, if only. They were connected to her feelings. . . and feelings were something you could rarely, if ever, control.

So she would keep quiet for now, at least until she knew for sure what the problem was. After all, the first step to solving the problem was to define it.

OoOoO

**Notes ** Wow, Im sorry for that wait. Well, Im sort of not because as much as I love this fic, nobody really seems to think its worth reviewing and that makes me sad. Still, I apologize. I meant to update this last week and didnt get around to doing my research for it in time, but its okay now. Tee hee. Hopefully my updates will be on time from now on, especially since I have most of the fic finished in my notebooks anyway. Its looking to be around seven or eight chapters if anyones wondering.

Anyway, please review and tell me what you think. By the way, I like details, elaboration! Make me question whether certain parts were suited for the story, okay?


	4. Suteru : Reject

**Author **- Chibi / Warlordess

**Notes **- Oh my, I've been slowly but surely working my way up to this fic for so many months now that I'm actually scared of writing it for fear that I'll be disappointed in myself. . . Still, I really liked the idea. . . I mean, Colette suffers (can you believe I'm a huge fan?) and Lloyd saves her, and it's all about the feelings, let alone a physical illness that comes into play and might or might not have something to do with Cruxis. . . Whoo. . . ! I'm so excited and pumped now!

Okay, so please read and review honestly! This is going to be my first Colloyd confession fic (if all goes well) out of. . . How many has it been now? Like, four or five? I've been wanting to do this _for-ev-er_. Lol. So. . . that's it! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer **- I wish, most sincerely, that I owned Tales of Symphonia. That OVA would have finished if I did, damnit! And Colloyd? Yeah, that would have really, totally, completely happened. And Sheena would have obviously warmed up to Zelos. . . Not to mention Presea and Genis. . . (I still want to write my one-shot idea on them anyway; hopefully it's not too farfetched, and maybe it wasn't even a one-shot. I can't remember anymore.)

**Side Note **- This chapter talks about battle "strategies," and yes, I do mean those that you can put into effect in the actual game. I try to make it sound like the characters are simply training and not being controlled by the player. It'll get a bit more difficult if I start having Sheena summon ('cause she can only do it in Over-Limit, and I feel weird making Over-Limit exist in a fan fic for some reason). I'm trying to stick to the facts, though, so that's the way it's going to be. I might mix in things from the game and the OVA but I'm trying to take my own creative license out and splash it here and there, mostly in the flashbacks. They're supposed to be conversations that I think would have happened in the game if there'd been the time. I'm trying to refrain from being too lazy so more game knowledge other than that. Therefore if you're confused about something, please let me know. I will respond to all reviews asking questions that need to be answered to understand this fic better unless I've planned for them to be explained later on a certain chapter. Even if it takes me a week to do so.

OoOoO

**Tales of Symphonia **- "Angelus Tainted"

**Summary **- The Chosen of Regeneration had not been since the time Lloyd said he would save her. And yet, Colette agonizes when she begins to realize her greatest wishes aren't for the good fortune of everyone around her, but rather for a specific someone. . . And now, Cruxis has turned her away as the one with the power to regenerate Sylvarant. Colloyd.

**Part Four** - "My Back Faces the Dark Land"

OoOoO

_The Papal Knights were on the ground unconscious and Zelos had taken hold of the Pope - (heroically, he would recall for the rest of them later) - by the collar of his robe. It had worn down now from his days on the run but. . . Zelos ignored the smaller balding man trying to escape and began to flirt shamelessly with the rescued Princess Hilda while Sheena threatened to exorcise him._

_Even Lloyd, who was helping the Professor and Regal tie up the leftover knights, seemed a bit star struck by the situation. After all, saving the people of two adjacent worlds while subsequently rejoining them and defeating the foe that had originally torn them apart was one thing; _that _was just doing what was right, what anyone with the power and knowledge should do. But saving princesses from corrupt politicians and high-powered villains was another thing entirely._

_It was usually left up to heroes and valiant princes, at least according to the books and myths. Lloyd knew it despite never really one for reading them, and it made him think dangerously. . . dangerously like _Zelos.

_Colette let her gaze drop to the Gaoracchia forest floor, her insides swelling up due to an unfamiliar feeling. Wasn't that. . . anger? Instantly she felt ashamed as well. After all, Lloyd hadn't done anything wrong. So what if his ego was a little bloated now? He had just saved the life of one of the Tethe`alla royal family! Why couldn't he be proud? In fact, she was proud too! As much as she always was after he had done something impressive, but. . ._

_". . . You know, Colette, you're cuter than she is."_

_It had blown her away. All of her hope and pent-up anxiety that he could never see her as _that _kind of girl, as _his _kind of girl - and now. . ._

_"Zelos is always saying, beautiful girls just seem to gather around me!" Lloyd couldn't help the slight laugh that bit at his throat as he let it escape him. He sounded a little too pleased, too cocky, even though he was only repeating what he'd been told by someone else with a smile and his eyes closed in laughter. But Colette knew better than to think he was shrugging it off, especially as he continued to talk, "When I was going to school back in the village, I was too embarrassed to say anything about it but. . . I actually wanted to join the Professor Raine fan club." She barely had a chance to respond before he was listing everyone else to her, too. "Sheena has her quirks but there's still her feminine side, and Presea's cute when she smiles, you know?"_

_"So it. . . doesn't matter to you. . ." Her tone was laced with disappointment. She couldn't help it. She was usually so good at masking her emotions when it came to things she wanted to keep to herself but Lloyd was talking about her, about all of his female companions, as though they weren't fellow companions - warriors or friends - at all; they were just a bunch of girls that flocked to a shallow man! She would have never suspected him to be the way he was, and she could only remember the good old days when she was the most important one in his life compared to any of the rest of them. But of course thinking like that made her guilty because she knew she counted herself lucky to know him like she did, and she was sure the others did as well. Lloyd was such a good person - and so ignorant of it sometimes - that he caused that thought process in almost everyone he met. And if the other girls in his life knew to feel that way for meeting him, then they deserved to have met him, to have befriended him over the course of their days together._

_Maybe it was _she _who didn't deserve him after all._

_"That's all I need to hear! I've learned quite well that you're just like Zelos!" But her petty jealousy and possessiveness had gotten to her, wrung her dry of any fluent positivity so that she could only feel bitter about everything he'd told her, even as he stared back at her now, hopelessly confused at her suddenly angry tone of voice. In fact, it took all of her strength not to apologize like she wanted and, looking back, Lloyd hadn't seemed all that upset by it, had he? Really, he just looked bewildered, right? As though he didn't understand what she'd meant._

_Zelos interrupted the discussion then, asking how Colette could so cruelly turn on him and she realized she didn't quite know how to respond. She wasn't too worried by the hurt expression on the other Chosen's face - he always bounced back so quickly. But she couldn't help the wave of mortification that washed over her. She'd as good as told Lloyd how she felt about him! And if one person had been close enough to hear her before (let alone one who was always distracted by one woman or another) then what was stopping the rest of her friends from doing the same?_

_Of course she knew she would have deserved it if they had, along with the rejection from Lloyd that she was basically counting down the days till._

_She knew the negative spiral would continue unless she put a stop to it now so she decided on not thinking. . . and, as per usual Colette fashion, proceeded to trip over her own feet in the middle of her non-thought, falling face-forward in front of everyone._

_"Colette!" Lloyd and Genis shouted, first to react. Sheena, Regal, and Zelos followed soon after finishing up the line-up with Raine, Presea, Princess Hilda, and the bandwagon of villains (who were, of course, being dragged along)._

_There was a hand grasping her shoulder and helping to steady her as she reached her feet again. If she had been just the slightest bit upset before, now she had turned to ridiculously humiliated._

_She smoothed down her hair and brushed off her skirt, not catching anyone's eye at first, then. . ._

_"Are you okay?" Lloyd asked, always worried over her bumbling and fumbling._

_"I - I'm fine, really." She laughed to brush off her own discomfort, "I, um, just didn't see that rock is all." She pointed behind her, allowing the rest of them to catch sight of her dirty palms. After all, the one thing you would try to do the most while falling is try to break it and lessen the hurt from the impact._

_"Oh, dear." Princess Hilda couldn't help the tiniest giggle from escaping her throat before quickly stifling it with a cough, "She sure is clumsy, isn't she? The hands of one of my rescuers, the Chosen of the declining world, and a supposedly great female warrior stained with mud. . . ? Tut, tut, tut. . ." She clucked admonishingly._

_Sheena, Genis, and Lloyd stepped up to defend her but she beat them to the punch on the responsive end._

_"Heh heh. . . You're right. I've always been clumsy and was always told that I'm not much of a Chosen. I'm sorry."_

_"There's no reason for you to apologize!" Her three friends shouted at her exasperatedly._

_"They're right, of course, though I will accept it with gratitude. I did not mean to offend you in all fairness. The way I was brought up has entitled me to speak of any and all of my opinions but that is no reason to treat one of the Chosen Zelos's followers so poorly. I apologize as well," and she did more than just that, finishing up her statement with a curtsey._

_"F - followers. . . ?" Sheena sputtered indignantly._

_"Why is it that every time we fight with Zelos's intentions that we always end up looking like a - a fan club or something. . . ?" Lloyd asked, arms crossed and a brow raised in frustration._

_"It can't be helped, can it? I mean, next to my endearing charm and charismatic personality, you guys don't stand a chance." They noticed that the Chosen of Tethe`alla was staring mostly at the other males of their group. "But I'm a friend to women everywhere and if the dear Princess Hilda and my cute Colette aren't getting along, well, we can't have that, can we?" He gave a fake sigh and shrug of his shoulders._

_"But I'm okay! We get along fine!" Colette said, and it seemed like she'd shaken off her former mindset. Really she wasn't one for confrontation anyway, and only liked to put up a fight when the situation necessarily called for it. And though she didn't really know the princess, she did know that the young woman was trustworthy and a good person - at least over all. She had helped them out on their journey a couple of times too!_

_And it made sense that a princess would be able to state her opinions and wants and such without a care towards the reactions of those with a lower status than her own._

_"No, no; it's alright. All you need to do is," and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder affectionately, ". . . kiss and make up!"_

_"Um. . . but. . ."_

_"So that's what you were trying to do, you pervert!" Sheena shouted with a clear tone of accusation._

_"C'mon Zelos, let Colette go," Lloyd sighed now too, apparently exasperated with being in one place for so long._

_"Besides we've got to move on. We'll be pulled into too many needless battles if we stick around here much longer." Raine reprimanded, "We're easy to spot in the middle of nowhere and fresh bait for the monsters in the area."_

_"Yeah, but we've been though here before, awhile ago. I'm sure we can handle whatever comes at us." Lloyd continued after they had finally started walking again._

_"I think what she means is that with our large number - including a princess we must keep safe and the Pope and his followers - it would be more wise to keep moving to our destination rather than remaining here like a series of motionless, defenseless targets. . ." Regal finished._

_"Oh," and Lloyd looked slightly sheepish, embarrassed, at the fact that he hadn't considered it, "Yeah, you may be right. . ."_

_"Uh. . . too bad it's too late. . . !" Sheena exclaimed from a small distance from the rest of them. A large Egg Bear and some Black Bats approached at a dash and the summoner posed, ready for a fight with her tarot cards already drawn. Zelos, Lloyd, and Colette followed suit, taking positions in front of the others on the battlefield._

OoO

Colette remembered being distracted in that battle, and for all the wrong reasons. If anything, she should have been worrying about any stray attacks coming into contact with their friends who weren't fighting. . . but of course that wasn't the case for her. Instead Lloyd had filled her head, filled her up, and she had ended up trying too hard. . . or maybe not hard enough.

Whatever the case, she couldn't help thinking that he had taken more damage because of it. He had been constantly defending her and her mistakes. Whether or not they were faced with an enemy or someone who was trying to disrespect her or something else, some other time. She wondered why, and if she was really worth it, but wasn't sure about asking the question or hearing the answer so she kept it to herself, like almost every burden she'd had to beat down before.

It was the same today, though for different reasons. Now she had been trying to get over the strangest sensation - the tingling in her wings. It was strange because she rarely ever used them outside of battle so of course she wouldn't have noticed before, at least not if she wasn't paying attention to those little details.

After her trip to Altamira's day spa (during which she'd kept Amelia's discovery on her back to herself), she was proud to say that she went almost a week without any hitches; so what if she felt the slightest reminiscent itch during the finale of a battle or two? They moved fast when they were fighting and it was usually windy and dusty on the field. Of course she would get a little dirty, and her body would long for a soak and scrub.

Her lunch date with Lloyd had been sabotaged as well.

When she had exited from the last room and treatment to greet everyone up front, they had been awed by her - somehow apparent - glow. She was a little flustered by all of the attention and naturally sought Lloyd out with her eyes. He was smiling and laughing at everyone's reactions, and didn't seem to notice if shed been feeling uncomfortable at all. So she laughed the feeling off as well and let them all finish their fawning.

As they were all leaving and heading back towards the elevator, upstairs to their room, Colette opened up her mouth, hoping to remind him of what he'd promised her, then closed it again wordlessly. She simply didn't know how to say it, not without sounding a certain way. So instead she fell back from most of the others to where Lloyd and Genis were talking. It seemed they'd been having a conversation while they'd been waiting for her back in the spa lobby and it had been temporarily interrupted by her walking out to them.

"Um," she started awkwardly.

"Oh, hey Colette!" Lloyd greeted her with a friendly wave. It must have not been too personal a discussion then. . .

"Yeah, how are you doing? Sorry about this morning; I tried waking you up so you could get a quick breakfast but. . ." Genis let the statement falter.

"Oh, no; I'm sorry. For some reason I just felt really tired. I heard you but my body didn't want to move. Still, I should have at least said something." And she giggled sheepishly before repeating, "I'm sorry," with a bow.

The two boys turned to glance at each other before sighing exasperatedly. They knew they could tell her not to apologize. After all, if she was tired then she deserved her rest. And they'd told her many times before that there was no point in apologizing for things she couldn't help, but she continued to do it anyway, so they refrained from wasting their breath this time around.

"Anyway Colette," Lloyd started again, his gaze sweeping from one of his friends to the other, "Genis and I were just talking about how close we were; you know, all three of us, back in Iselia. We used to hang out together all the time, even outside of class. But then. . ." He didn't go on but obviously all three of them knew what he was trying to say. After the Oracle, Colette had left the village with Raine and Kratos, and Forcystus had attacked to target Lloyd, leading to his exile and Genis following him loyally beyond Iselia's borders.

It had taken them a week to locate the others around the Triet Desert but they never really had time alone together after that. They were constantly fighting, whether it was against the Renegades or Desians, or releasing the seals. . . And then they were fighting Cruxis, and still the Renegades, making pacts with Summon Spirits. . . They were still friends, still best friends, but now as Colette thought about it, there had been no time to act it - like friends. Like _kids_.

"Oh. . . Um, well, Lloyd and I were going to go somewhere for lunch. Maybe you could come with us. Then it will be. . ." But the joyful and reminiscent expression on her face began to fade as the realization hit her, ". . . just like old times."

"Hey, yeah!" Lloyd said, punching one fist into his other hand. "Hahah, and I was thinking about it all morning so I know just where we should go; the amusement park!"

"Are you sure, Lloyd?" Genis asked him inquisitively.

"Well. . . yeah. I mean, we've been training real hard lately, right? We all deserve a break sometimes. I'm sure everyone will be okay with it. . ."

"Um. . . that's not what I meant," and the half-elf looked to Colette for an extra second. Maybe he had seen the sadness in her features before when offering them all the chance to go out together.

"But Genis. . ." Lloyd started, looking confused. Colette followed suit.

"No! No, no. . . We should all go together! The amusement park in Altamira should be fun - it's always looked it - but it wouldn't feel right leaving one of us behind. I mean, we wouldn't do that to Lloyd, and you two would never do that to me, right?"

"Of course not!" They both exclaimed, mortified at the very thought.

"See? So there's no way we would do that to you either, Genis!" Colette said assuredly, fiercely, as though she were trying to make absolute sure that the both of them believed it about her.

"Thanks. . . Colette," Genis said, feeling a little embarrassed about how emotional the conversation had turned.

"Heheh, yeah, thanks!" So what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Lloyd exclaimed, holding up a hand and beckoning them away from the others and back towards the outdoor elevator leading outside, in the direction of the water railway.

"But don't we need to tell. . . ?"

"Oh, don't worry about that Colette. We told 'em while you were in the back getting your massage!" The two boys laughed in unison and pulled her along, but everything began to fade out of focus as she finished reminiscing.

Though the rides had been fun - dizzyingly fun in case of the tea cup ride - and though she had taken the opportunity to grab Lloyd's hand while on the roller coaster (because he'd always known to protect her through anything he knew she was even the tiniest bit scared of) she couldn't help wondering about the _what if's_. She loved Genis so much, he'd been the second one to approach her out of friendship next to Lloyd, but. . . that love paled in comparison very obviously somehow to what she felt for Lloyd. So it all came down to. . . _What if _Genis hadn't joined them at Altamira's amusement park? _What if _it had been just the two of them on that wonderful adventure? _What if _Colette hadn't always felt that incessant need to please others, that compassion. . . ?

But it was over and done with now. At the very least she could comfort herself with the knowledge that if anyone had sabotaged her time with Lloyd, it had been her and nobody else. . . Not even Lloyd himself.

Now it was over and they were back to their normal training regimen. This time they were duking it out in the Temple of Darkness, something they had agreed worked perfectly for Raine and Colette especially. They were known for their light magic and with two frontliners to keep the monsters busy, the battles ended rather soon thanks to Judgment and Holy Lance.

Soon after they were both removed to make room for Presea and Regal (no matter how much Genis complained about it). Lloyd said it was to test what level of damage they could unleash and how fast they could escape enemy clutches without their elemental handicap, let alone an avid healer. After all, in the fight against their greatest enemy, nobody knew exactly what to expect, what could be effective or defective. So they had to try to prepare themselves for anything, because what would the point be in defeating Mithos if they couldn't move enough themselves to reclaim and plant the Great Seed after?

When they were finished at the Temple of Darkness they returned to Tethe`alla's Tower of Salvation, taking the long route through Derris-Kharlan's winding pathways and along the strange halls and technology that inhabited the city of Welgaia.

This way they fought higher level undead enemies, not to mention Cruxis's own angelic warriors, the angels of that now-empty city. And so Colette was brought back into battle, along with Zelos who lived up to his name, "The Magic Swordsman."

Colette had been doing well the past few days, ever since that time at the spa. Sure, she'd still itched every now and again but she seemed to be able to control her urges when it came down to scratching in front of the others. Sometimes, to help bear the _agony_, she would dig her fingernails (what little ones she had) into her hips or shoulders. It was a subtle move of course; she didn't want anyone to notice.

But it didn't seem to get any worse than that. It wasn't like she'd expected anything in particular. All she really knew - and to be honest, saying she knew anything about it was already a stretch - was that it seemed like an illness. A strange illness if it was causing such a painful itch without a rash to compliment it but an illness just the same. . . She could only hope that it didn't plan on getting worse.

So hoping was what she did, along with her ever-faithful prayer. It was a bit distracting when she had to worry about concentrating on her battles and comrades, but she did her best.

And then it happened. During one of their fights that day, she happened to get her chance from her secondary (or middle field) position to protect Lloyd. After training in Derris-Kharlan for what felt like far too long (all of their eyes needed to readjust to the light outside before getting on the Rheairds again), they took off for Flanoir.

The worm was huge, a rare find in between all of the Penguinists and Ice Spiders. The feeling overtook her and she realized it defined her. This was her chance to save him, to impress him! She needed it, she needed to know that when it came down to it she was considered a threat, she was a force to be reckoned with.

But of course Lloyd wasn't the only one needing protecting.

"Oh Holy One. . ." She began to chant, her fingers tracing over her chest. A dark hue enveloped her and she saw the Sliver dig itself into the ground as she closed her eyes. She would have to be quick about it then, in case he made an impact on her upon rising up. She had to defend Lloyd.

But Sheena was up there too, wasn't she. . . ?

". . . Pass thy purifying light. . ." Faint shadows circled her silhouette, her wings, an illusion of her feathers molting, fluttering away from her back.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she felt a familiar itch just as the ground around her and the others began to quake.

". . . Upon these co - confused? . . . Um. . . c - collected. . . Hm. . ." Colette's eyes opened slowly as it dawned on her, "I. . . I forgot the incantation!" Her eyes took an extra second to lose that unfocused, glazed over look but she did get there eventually.

It was just in time to catch the others staring at her in shock before the earth crackled and tore wide open, gaping chasms enveloping the battlefield. Lloyd, Sheena, and Genis were all caught off guard, finding no time to block as the huge frigid worm came at them. Everyone hit the ground hard, including Colette. In fact, she did so and remained unmoving, her face in the snow and a chill overtaking her.

"Th - this isn't right. . . ! This isn't working!" Lloyd shouted as he rose to his knees and allowed one of his swords to balance the rest of his weight. He was seeing stars and could tell Colette had yet to get up from her spot on the ground, thanks to his peripheral vision. He felt a blast of cold from behind and some sort of sucking sensation. Turning allowed his gaze to fall on the giant Sliver about five meters from him, its mouth wide open and three rows of narrow yet shapely fangs dripping with some sort of acidic saliva as it tried to pull him in. Lloyd gritted his teeth and tightened the grip on his sword which was still impaled in the frozen yet moist ground.

"W - we have to retreat!" Sheena yelled over the blasting gust of wind that suddenly came upon them. Her teeth were chattering and her dark hair dusted a white-gray thanks to the hard snow falling around them all.

"Yeah!" Lloyd shouted back, yanking the blade up from the ground and using his momentum to jump forward, away from the Sliver, and towards his comrades in arms. "Colette!" He continued, approaching her and watching Genis, who'd gotten there first, turn her over. She was conscious and sat up on her own after that, though she maintained the dazed expression on her face.

"Colette, are you okay? Can you stand?" Genis was asking her.

She smiled up at all of them, Sheena having followed them over, and nodded before getting to her feet.

"I'm s - sorry. . . I tried to cast Judgment, I tried to help out but. . ." She let the sentence die in her throat. What could she really say anyway?

"Forget it for now." Sheena gulped while bracing herself against the weather.

"Yeah, Colette. We can figure it out later, right? Let's just get out of here!" Lloyd grabbed a hold of her hand and forced her up to her feet, "C'mon guys, we'll be more careful next time. . . !" And the group of four ran as fast as they could as far as they could, joining up with the other members of their group who seemed just as flabbergasted by the abrupt end to the fight.

Colette found herself growing tired rather fast, her legs turning into something similar of a gelatin mold and her chest feeling constricted and dry as she heaved in the cold air. It was an unfamiliar feeling, a weight she was sure she hadn't felt in a long while if ever at all. She hit the ground, collapsing to her knees, just as they'd all gotten far enough so that the worm was no longer in their range of sight. Her stockings dampened fast and she felt some slush settle uncomfortably inside her boots.

"Are you alright, Colette? You're out of breath." Presea noted. She let a hand clasp at the blond Chosen's back to steady her.

"Um. . . I don't know. I just feel really tired all of a sudden, and kind of heavy." She knew it sounded strange even as she said it. She didn't dare to raise her head because she wasn't sure she could accurately predetermine their reactions. "I'm sure I was just winded from when that monster crashed into us earlier," she giggled sheepishly with a hand to her scalp.

"Hm, I don't know. I mean, we all were hit pretty hard, weren't we?" Lloyd asked.

"Yes, but you have to remember," Raine started as she closed in on the meaning of the conversation as well, "that you were already on the ground. You would have been knocked down where as Colette, who flies and battles in midair, would have been knocked _back_. She has a point. . . and it may be worse than just losing her breath and sense of balance. She may have gotten a concussion if the impact was that strong. . ." She bit her lip while diving deeper into her train of thought.

At this point all of them were huddled close together, Genis and Sheena being their lookouts for anymore monsters that might be in the mood for a fight.

"If that's the case then the best idea would be not to stress her body. I suggest we travel to Flanoir. The weather may be uncomfortable but we're closest to it than any other city by a long shot. I don't recommend air travel in these high winds - the altitudes might have a negative effect - but I also don't think it's a good idea for Colette to be walking," Regal looked thoughtful too as he tried to think of a solution to the problem.

"Hey, I know!" Lloyd said, unable to contain a proud grin. Then he drew breath and let out a loud whistle that pierced through the howling of the wind. Noishe galloped over immediately, the groups supply and hygiene bags strapped to his back. Not wasting any more time, he got to his feet, unbuckled Noishe's parcels, and threw one at Zelos, who barely managed to catch it in time.

"Yo, Lloyd! You better have a good reason for almost smashing my beautiful face with. . ." He quickly rifled through the bag before pulling out a random item, ". . . black stockings. . .? _Oh_. . ." A look of dawning comprehension came to his face and everyone turned to stare at Sheena, knowing immediately who the item belonged to.

"You. . . You disgusting pervert, Zelos!" She shrieked, stomping up to him, smacking him upside the head, and grabbing the tights from his hands. She shoved them back in the bag and tossed it at his face again, "You should consider yourself lucky that I'm too tired to do anymore damage right now! Just carry the bag and _never _touch my stuff again!"

"Ow, but hey Sheena. . . !" He whined, pointing towards Lloyd, who had since stopped listening to them fight, "Why don't you blame him? He's the one who gave it to me! That means he enabled me, right?"

She '_hmphed'_ and turned her head up at him, her face still a violent shade of red.

"Okay. . . ! And now, Colette," Lloyd had slung the supply bag on his shoulder and braced himself for the extra weight, "you can ride to Flanoir on Noishe! He's taken more before and I don't want you to get hurt anymore - or, uh. . . anymore hurt."

"Really? Okay Lloyd, if you say so. . ." She rose to her feet, a little shaky, then began to clamber onto the animal's back. Somehow she managed to slip from her elevated position and Lloyd placed a hand to her back, another to the sole of her boot, and pushed her higher until she could flip a leg onto the other side and situate herself. Noishe howled once but otherwise made no possible objections.

Once it was over, the group of eight continued their journey to Flanoir despite the tundra landscape. The sun, so distant from the continent anyway, was just beginning to set as the fair city came into their range of sight and they picked up the pace expectantly, all the while avoiding battles since it would make the journey longer and put Colette's health at risk.

By the time they'd reached the outskirts of the snowy city Colette had, Lloyd noticed from his place beside her, fallen into a sound slumber. He took comfort in the fact that she seemed to be okay and was therefore taken aback by the curse Raine let fall from her lips a moment later.

"We shouldn't have allowed her the chance to sleep." She told him exasperatedly as she began an examination of her former pupil, "If her condition has worsened since then we won't be able to tell. . . Colette? Colette, we need you to wake up." She started to the blond Chosen with a firm tone and tender shake of the shoulders so as not to jar her from her nap. It took a few seconds for the girl to open her eyes but she did, and then immediately snapped to attention after noticing everyone looking at her.

"What's wrong everyone? Oh, no. . . Was I snoring or drooling or something?" She asked as her face lit up just a little.

"Uh, no. . . We were just worried because we weren't sure you should sleep just yet while not knowing your condition." Lloyd told her, and he still seemed worried despite the fact that, had the group not been huddling so closely to her, she would have removed herself from Noishe and jumped around to prove she was okay, "So are you feeling better? You were really tired after being hit but that Sliver."

"Oh," she was feeling a little better actually, if only physically, "yeah. That's right, isn't it?" But it wasn't true. Only now when she thought about how he'd said it did she realize it was wrong. She hadn't just felt that sudden creeping exhaustion after the frost worm had hit her. No, she had felt it before that, from the time that her Judgment had backfired. "But I actually feel okay."

"That's great, really," Zelos said, unable to stop himself from clenching his teeth against another sheer blast of cold, "But I think we should move this discussion and all subsequent physicals into the city, don't you?" He asked with a quirked eyebrow and half an ounce of sarcasm. Ignoring that last part however, the entire group couldn't help but agree with him. It wasn't getting any warmer after all.

So that's what they did. Following his rather obvious advice, they all marched into the inn and requested four rooms. Colette would share with Presea, Sheena with the Professor, Lloyd with Zelos (there had been a secret poll to decide this because nobody wanted to have to deal with his ego overnight), and Genis with Regal (again, refer to the poll). Every once in awhile Raine would come check on Colette but she didn't hang around. And after the time span of three check-up's in two hours, she pronounced the blond Chosen healthy enough to do whatever she pleased.

Unfortunately the only thing she felt like doing was talking. With Presea as her roommate, it didn't seem like a possibility. Perhaps her quiet demeanor was why the two of them had been set up from the beginning. Everyone else probably thought Colette would value the silence after what she'd gone through. This presumption left her with one productive option; she would have to think to herself.

It wasn't an awful idea really. She didn't know what she'd say to anyone else anyway, especially since she wasn't too sure what was wrong to begin with. She'd actually been meaning to keep better tabs on this - this illness or whatever it really was - from the beginning. Somehow in the excitement of them fighting against Cruxis and her health actually physically deteriorating, she'd forgotten.

But now was a good time, the best opportunity that would be presented to her. She had no other choice but to take advantage of it.

Now she could spend her spare time retracing the recesses of her memory back to that first day when the itch had bothered her, the day when Sheena had asked about it. She might not have ever noticed if not for that time. . . But no, she was sure that there had been an instance or two before even that, only her attention hadn't been drawn to it just yet. The itch hadn't been so bad in the beginning after all. It had been so far back, in fact, that. . . really, couldn't she accuse almost every time her back had been ailing her of having something to do with that illness. . . ?

Like the time when she had talked with Sheena about Volt and Corrine. . . and Lloyd . She remembered now that when she'd been thinking back on it then, she had scratched at her back while the negativity of Sheena's situation over losing someone had washed over her. She had actually mulled over the horrifying possibility of losing someone important to _her_, too; losing Lloyd for instance.

And then there had been the time with the Pope's office, when Lloyd had asked her to use her near-supersonic hearing to tell if the Pope was even inside. She had been looking forward to impressing Lloyd so much that she hadn't even considered that something might've been wrong. Now that she contemplated it, she would have noticed that she couldn't even hear voices of people from outside the church, and those were ordinarily so very clear even from that distance.

To put it bluntly, she could now say for sure that it _was _progressing, it _was_ getting worse. Whatever it was, it was targeting her angel powers, the spells and abilities that Cruxis had given her. It started with her hearing and sight and strength, and now it was even effecting her spell-casting.

Because, though it was easier to whisper those words to herself now while laying on her bed than remaining outside in the heat of battle, she still couldn't seem to string the incantations together to make any sort of sense, and she couldn't feel that strange holy power building within her either. It was like she'd bumped her head and the memories of learning those techniques had been taken from her. No. . . it was worse. It was like someone had simply ripped all of those things she'd learned from her head.

And there was still that unexplainable itch. Since it hadn't led to anything in itself, she felt that it was bearable, but it was also a constant hindrance now. What was worse was that she had to try and think up a new excuse for if anyone tried to question her over what had happened with her Judgment spell earlier that day.

The more time Colette lay in her bed that night, trying to remain ignorant of what she knew were Presea's expressions of silent worry and the fact that everyone had gathered together already to discuss what might be wrong with her, the more that thrill of horror continued to catch her breath and still her blood.

She was almost - almost _entirely _- sure of what was going on.

The Chosen was supposed to be the selfless begin who would save the world. They were born into the role and taught from a very early age to live a life free from all temptations. She had been told that included anything that would lead to the human definition of sin and also anything that allowed her heart to stray from the mission she'd been given since birth. But never in any or all of her wildest dreams - (and there were plenty thanks to her modest lifestyle) - had she considered emotions a part of that. Then again, she had witnessed a change in herself since the time she realized she wanted Lloyd to be only hers. She never thought she could be so nasty, such a monster. . . She was sure she'd never have had that kind of negativity within her before.

But love makes people do crazy things, makes them dream insanely and wish with all of their soul that they could be exactly what their loved one wants, hopes that they could change the world and people all around to suit their personal taste. . .

Colette knew this because she had done all of those things during the time she'd fallen for Lloyd, whether she'd known at the time or not.

And she supposed that _that _was why whatever higher power in Cruxis that had first granted her angelic abilities had decided she no longer deserved them.

OoOoO

**Notes **- Hahah, the truth is out! Well, a little bit anyway. . . Well, actually more than just a little bit. So now the readers know more specifically what's happening, and Colette does too. But does that mean she'll tell someone about it and accept help to cure it? Hah, probably not; otherwise the story is over too fast and will be no fun for me to write. Plus, I want to include more romance and angst. I wanted to write a battle scene in there somewhere but I can't figure out where, even now, though I've drafted this story up through half or so of chapter seven. Yay!

Also, I wanted to note that there is a bit of an important scene this chapter, though not necessarily "important" in the way you might think. It's about Lloyd, and the halo effect Colette has given him, and how - according to the narration - he's basically proven that he's not perfect. Tee hee. If you can find it I'll give you a cookie! Of course, since I really won't, maybe I'll dedicate a fic to you or something. I have too many ideas right now that I've had to write them all down in notebooks (as in more than one, you know?) so that I won't forget. Plus I've gotten an idea for Kranna and Sheelos too! Ah, I'm so excited! But I think I want to focus on some one-shots I've put together first. I have one that's already more than half written, so maybe I'll try and post that sometime during the production of this fic, or right after. Wow, that should be fun.

I feel like I had something I wanted to say, but I can't remember what it was. Although I guess I will take this opportunity to thank the second person who reviewed my fic! And I do, of course, owe a lot of gratitude to the first one as well, since they've come back every time I update just to read and tell me what they think. Considering you're all I've had since the beginning, I bow down to your dedication. Lol.

Oh, and please review this chapter, too (or for those who haven't reviewed yet, please review this chapter - not too, since you haven't reviewed the others)!


	5. Ishiki : Consciousness

**Author **- Chibi / Warlordess

**Notes **- Oh my, I've been slowly but surely working my way up to this fic for so many months now that I'm actually scared of writing it for fear that I'll be disappointed in myself. . . Still, I really liked the idea. . . I mean, Colette suffers (can you believe I'm a huge fan?) and Lloyd saves her, and it's all about the feelings, let alone a physical illness that comes into play and might or might not have something to do with Cruxis. . . Whoo. . . ! I'm so excited and pumped now!

Okay, so please read and review honestly! This is going to be my first Colloyd confession fic (if all goes well) out of. . . How many has it been now? Like, four or five? I've been wanting to do this _for-ev-er_. Lol. So. . . that's it! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer **- I wish, most sincerely, that I owned Tales of Symphonia. That OVA would have finished if I did, damnit! And Colloyd? Yeah, that would have really, totally, completely happened. And Sheena would have obviously warmed up to Zelos. . . Not to mention Presea and Genis. . . (I still want to write my one-shot idea on them anyway; hopefully it's not too farfetched, and maybe it wasn't even a one-shot. I can't remember anymore.)

**Side Note **- This chapter talks about battle "strategies," and yes, I do mean those that you can put into effect in the actual game. I try to make it sound like the characters are simply training and not being controlled by the player. It'll get a bit more difficult if I start having Sheena summon ('cause she can only do it in Over-Limit, and I feel weird making Over-Limit exist in a fan fic for some reason). I'm trying to stick to the facts, though, so that's the way it's going to be. I might mix in things from the game and the OVA but I'm trying to take my own creative license out and splash it here and there, mostly in the flashbacks. They're supposed to be conversations that I think would have happened in the game if there'd been the time. I'm trying to refrain from being too lazy so more game knowledge other than that. Therefore if you're confused about something, please let me know. I will respond to all reviews asking questions that need to be answered to understand this fic better unless I've planned for them to be explained later on a certain chapter. Even if it takes me a week to do so.

OoOoO

**Tales of Symphonia **- "Angelus Tainted"

**Summary **- The Chosen of Regeneration had not been since the time Lloyd said he would save her. And yet, Colette agonizes when she begins to realize her greatest wishes aren't for the good fortune of everyone around her, but rather for a specific someone. . . And now, Cruxis has turned her away as the one with the power to regenerate Sylvarant. Colloyd.

**Part Five** - "Where I Hear Them Calling"

OoOoO

"Do you think she's hiding something?"

Everyone looked over at Lloyd who had just come downstairs after helping Colette get settled in her room. They hadn't ever noticed he'd joined them all as they sat in the public diner area of the Flanoir inn, deciding on a simple dinner. They were the only ones up now but their experience outside earlier had left them wide awake.

"What do you mean? Why are you asking all of a sudden?" Genis was the first to respond and everyone gathered a little closer together as Lloyd pulled up an empty chair.

"Because. . . This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened to her. She's gotten sick like this before and kept it secret from us that whole time up until the point when she didn't have any other choice. Not to mention awhile ago - remember when we were in Meltokio? She told me later that the Pope had probably just heard us from outside and stopped moving but. . ." Lloyd stopped talking now, breathing a sigh and holding back the incredible urge to bite through his lip or pull the hair straight from his head. He couldn't help it though; he couldn't help but be worried.

"And now she's mysteriously forgotten the words used on her Judgment spell." Sheena butted in, beginning to comprehend what Lloyd was getting at.

It was here that Genis and Raine chanced a glance at each other before joining in the conversation.

"And that shouldn't even be possible. You know, in theory." The younger sibling stated with what seemed to be the utmost assurance.

". . . Why is that?" Lloyd asked with curiosity.

"You don't really know because you aren't a magic user, but--"

"--When we learn a new spell it becomes a part of us." Raine interjected. "When we concentrate and cast an incantation, our mana flows openly. It's why only those types of beings with a special signature can use magic and sense the mana in others. Genis and I can do it because of our half-elf lineage, and Zelos can cast spells because of the injections of special elven blood he's been treated with here in Tethe`alla.

"Oh, I think I get it a little." Sheena said thoughtfully, "I mean, even I pull the power of the Summon Spirits from somewhere within me. I never thought about it before but when I concentrate on them in battle, it's not on the words I have to speak. It's more like I'm urging that power into a physical manifestation. And that's why it takes so long to make, say, Origin or Celcius appear."

"Exactly. The same goes for my Holy Lance, or Genis's Spiral Flare."

"Oh, so. . . Colette would be the same?" Lloyd asked now.

"But it's not different at all for her? I mean, didn't Cruxis give her those powers? They weren't born from her mana; they were a gift, thanks for being the Chosen, and a means of self-defense in case all else. . . failed, right?" Zelos questioned, and he seemed to be interested, maybe because he'd never had those kinds of powers himself.

"It. . . should be the same concept." Regal assumed, "Though the knowledge did come from Cruxis, the ability and experience had to come from her body. And it was Mithos who said that she would be the vessel for Martel because her mana signature was closer than anybody else's. It may be safe to say that there was something special about it from the beginning then, something that made her able to cast spells. Martel was a half-elf after all, wasn't she?"

Raine looked suddenly excited, her thirst for more knowledge stimulated by Regal's words.

"Oh my. . ." She started, her eyes alight with a sense of mania, "What wonderful questions! We should attempt to investigate this theory more thoroughly! Perhaps we could return to Sybak and test some of Colette's blood to see if it contains some special properties, or continue to research the texts in the library and in Meltokio--"

"--Professor Sage," Lloyd interrupted warningly. She turned wild eyes on him because of it but felt a wave of sympathy wash over her when she saw the look on his face. Somehow, he seemed frustrated, and a little angry. Then again, she had just tried to make it sound like she wanted to experiment on Colette, and he probably took at least a little offense to it. He would if he was a sane man anyway.

"Maybe someone should talk to her. We cannot help at all if we don't know what the problem is." Presea spoke for the first time since the group had began their conversation.

Lloyd had thought long and hard about that. He'd always known when and when not to talk Colette into confessing her problems. He regretted not paying better attention to her, wondered if she would have opened up to him sooner had he offered her his ear to confide in. . . But, then, he had, hadn't he? Maybe not as forcefully as he had at other times, but he had asked that she tell him if anything was wrong with her back in Zelos's house a few months ago, no matter what he'd said or how, she'd either denied the possibility of there being a problem or avoided his inquiry completely unless he asked it point-blank.

The thing was, what would be stopping her from being the same way now? He hated to have to force her hand, too, though he'd done it before, and he didn't want to push her farther away.

"If you are not sure, Lloyd, I can do it for you." Presea continued, and he snapped to awareness, finally realizing that - yes - he was holding the attention of an audience.

And suddenly he felt worse. Here they were, talking about Colette like she'd purposely led them so wrong, and she couldn't even defend herself. He knew that it was something they all had to face, he didn't want to keep secrets from the rest of them either. . . But, for whatever reason, this situation struck him hard like a fist smashing into his face. He simply felt like whatever may have been happening to Colette concerned him and nobody else. Maybe because that was how it always turned out.

So why had he asked their opinions on the situation? Perhaps, though it was a stretch, he couldn't be sure of what to _do _this time around.

"No. . . No, it's okay." He said to ensure nobody would ask what was taking so long for him to reply.

Colette would tell him before long _if_ something did happen to be wrong. And, he made note of the fact that she'd been training hard lately, and could've just been exhausted. They didn't know for sure that her magic was the same as the others. And he knew she liked to work hard, to prove she was useful in a fight.

It was simply too soon to make assumptions like that. He owed himself and her the benefit of the doubt.

And still Lloyd wondered why he seemed to be making excuses.

Upstairs, Colette stood by the window in the bedroom she'd been given, staring outside at the snow falling to the ground. It blanketed everything with a powdery, sparkling white that she couldn't help but envy. The snow remained untainted by the footsteps of people now; it was simply too late for children to be playing and the businesses had since closed. As she looked on she found her sight drifting towards the canopy that she and Lloyd had stood on. She had to crane her neck to see it properly but the view - and the memory - were well worth it.

Lloyd had let her in while they conversed up there awhile ago about, well, everything that had accumulated leading up to that time. He'd told her all of his feelings about Kratos and the seal on Origin, and she'd opened up too, some of it in her own way. She knew Lloyd would regret it if he chose to release that seal with no regard towards Kratos's life - no, his _father's _life - or any other possibilities. She just didn't know if he knew that.

But he accepted her advice and it made her feel that much closer to him because of it. So she'd asked if she _could _come closer, physically this time. Lloyd had sounded a little confused, and even more embarrassed, nevertheless he accepted her offer so that she would place her cheek to his shoulder with any or all permission he could afford to give her.

It was the most content moment of her life, even if the snow had begun to chill her to the bone and she happened to be falling asleep where she stood.

She thought back on that time and couldn't help but wish that they could be that way now. But it was impossible because Lloyd was the one thing she couldn't be selfless about. She couldn't share him, not when she knew of the dangers. What if he was stolen away from her somehow, or taken long enough to forget her? She didn't think she could bear it as desperately as she needed him.

Her thoughts stopped suddenly and she choked on her own breath as her back straightened out of the slouch she'd unconsciously slumped into. It was such a mind-numbingly sharp pain, it made her bones feel brittle, as though they were about to turn to dust. She couldn't bend forward to stretch it out or sit down for fear that it would get worse. . . and then it did! The sharp biting pain turned into a throbbing hammer that hit her pelvis and ricocheted upwards. She felt goose bumps pickle at her skin and her complexion paled.

She found that she really couldn't keep standing, her knees giving way, and her head slamming against the windowsill she'd been standing at the whole time. Her eyes rolled backwards and she hit the wooden flooring with a resounding thud.

Meanwhile everyone else had finished their discussion downstairs and Lloyd had made beef stew to warm them all up and fill their stomachs. Most of them were still in the downstairs dining area eating but he and Presea had decided to bring a bowl upstairs to Colette. She was tired they knew, but she hadn't eaten anything more than the rest of them had. She had to be at least a little hungry, right?

They knocked a few times (despite Presea sleeping in the room as well) but received no answer. Finally Lloyd sighed and took the initiative to turn the knob, finding the door unlocked. She was probably sleeping but he had a feeling she needed to eat something anyway. She hadn't been taking the best care of herself lately. . .

The steaming bowl dropped from his hands and splattered everywhere but it was as though he couldn't see or feel it. The boiling broth was seeping through his boot soles and trousers, and he was sure Presea had felt it too but none of it seemed to register in their minds as their eyes locked in on their friend draped on the floor, hair and dress and limbs strewn about. She wasn't moving.

". . . Colette!" Lloyd shouted as Presea beat him to the punch and dashed forward, landing roughly on her knees as she turned Colette's face around in her direction and inspected her. Slowly Lloyd's body caught up with the jolt of electricity that had coursed through his mentality and he dived towards his friend as well, not knowing what had happened or what he could do to help but, absolutely and certainly, he needed to be as close to her as possible, to be there for her, to find out so that they could make it better.

Presea tended to Colette for the moment, simply looking her over for anything that could help them figure it out. What was wrong with her? Why was she unconscious? There was no fever, her overall body temperature was fine, no chills, no bruising. The only obvious mark on her was a small scratch, a bump, on her forehead just above her right eyebrow. There was a little blood there but. . .

Presea reached her feet again and looked around the window that they'd found Colette underneath.

Yes, there it was. On the ledge was also the faintest red hue. But that was troubling. . .

"Lloyd, you should go and get Professor Sage," she told him, kneeling down again.

"Why? Didn't she just bump her head?" Lloyd asked, apparently hopeful.

"It wouldn't make sense." Presea concluded. Lloyd stared at her as if to ask what she meant by that. "She bumped her forehead against the windowsill. The position of the wound indicates she was facing forward and - or - falling straight down, rather than if she'd hit herself on top of the head accidentally while bending over to pick something up."

"S - so? What's that mean?"

"The bump is meaningless." He seemed upset by the way she put that, as though she were blowing off the fact that the blond Chosen was hurt. "I mean that if we're trying to find out how she was injured then we'll most likely have to keep looking. She had already blacked out when she hit her head; she was already falling to the floor."

"So we don't actually know what's wrong, just that it's worse because she hurt her forehead on the way down." Presea nodded silently and Lloyd swallowed his worry, his anxiety, down and replaced it with the strength of his resolve. "Then I'll go get the professor."

It took almost every ounce of strength he had not to jump clear over the banister of the staircase in the two-story inn. Yet he ran so fast he nearly repeatedly tripped over himself and when he finally ended up in front of everyone, he was heaving and sweating from his brow. They were all staring at him, including the young woman at the front counter behind them, so it seemed that he'd made a fair impression nonetheless.

"P - Professor! Something's wrong with Colette! We found her in her room on the floor! She's collapsed!" Everyone was on their feet at once, all rushing upstairs in the most order they could afford to be in, so basically it meant a lot of stepping on each other's heels and smashed faces against the wall.

Nevertheless they all got there eventually to find that Presea had eased Colette upright against the wall, not wanting to move her too much in case something worse was wrong this time, but she had placed her head against a pillow just to make her comfortable. She sat loyally next to the blond Chosen with a secure grip on the girl's shoulder to keep her sitting up.

"Do you two have any idea what may have happened?" Raine asked as she calmly approached the two children on the ground and knelt before them. "Whatever you say could be helpful in figuring out what's wrong with her." And yet she was already inspecting the knot on Colette's head and peeking open her eyes to check them, pressing two fingers and her thumb to the girl's wrist to ensure there was a healthy pulse.

Lloyd explained what Presea had told him a little while ago, how they'd learned the bump on his friend's head had happened afterwards, but that it left them confused and curious and stumped about any happenings before.

"You found her next to the window, though?" Genis asked, "I thought she was tired, that she wanted to sleep."

"Do you think something caught up with her after what happened earlier?" Sheena continued the line of questioning, referring to their battle hours before against the Sliver, "You said she might have a concussion from that. . . Maybe it just took longer than expected to do her any damage."

"Perhaps," Raine sighed before pulling away at last. "I can't seem to find anything else wrong with her. We should put her in bed. Lloyd, can you help me? Presea, please go downstairs and ask the innkeeper for a small bowl. Fill it with warm water and bring it here along with a clean rag. Genis, will you go as well? Ask for a pitcher of ice water and a few glasses. I'll be spending the night with her to make sure I didn't miss anything." She didn't say it aloud but she had a very prominent feeling that she wouldn't be the only one doing so.

And she was right. Lloyd lifted Colette into his arms alone, a strange expression featured on his face that looked indecipherable and the Professor took care to keep the young girl's head elevated until she was laying straight on the mattress and the quilt covered her up to her chest.

It was completely silent the rest of the evening. Nobody intruded on the room where Colette lay except for Raine and Lloyd, nobody asked questions, and at some point, everyone fell victim to an uneasy sleep. Raine remained wide awake and periodically tried to ease Colette into consciousness too but found she wouldn't budge. Lloyd sat up just as restlessly, and he seemed almost. . . irritated, and definitely impatient. Then, just as the sun was beginning to creep light in through the windows, he leapt up from the chair he'd been sitting in and walked from the room, shutting the door softly, obviously with some restraint, behind him.

Colette slept on and on, or at least it was what Raine deduced. After all, nothing seemed to actually be wrong with her, other than the scratch on her face. She displayed no other signs of obvious trauma, illness, or injury. Her breathing was calm and even, her heartbeat strong, her temperature normal. So it made sense that she was sleeping, at least it made sense for her current condition. It was still highly unclear as to how she got there to begin with. But sleep she did, through breakfast and lunch, until finally the sun faded during early evening and she began to stir.

Raine and Sheena (who had come with some food and fresh water awhile ago and stuck around) were immediately at Colette's side as she rolled over to face them unintentionally, moaning and raising a hand to her bandaged forehead. Then her eyes snapped open and she quickly sat up, trying to put two and two together and figure out the few indiscrepencies she happened to notice. Her head hurt - a lot - and she couldn't place the memory of how she'd gotten into bed. . . and now she was waking up in it?

And then she noticed the Professor and Sheena staring down at her and she decided that it would do no good to remain silent.

"Hi; um, I'm sorry. . . Did something happen?" She asked blankly.

"You don't remember anything?" Sheena asked, quirking her brow, "Lloyd and Presea came to bring you some stew last night and found you on the ground. You were unconscious."

"You've been asleep for almost the whole day." Raine continued, leaning in closer to remove the old bandage from her head. Colette let her go on as the three of them talked, "Do you feel alright? Any nausea or unfamiliar sensations like tingling in your hands or legs?" Colette shook her head and Raine held up her hand, "How many fingers do you see?"

"Four." The reply was without any sense of doubt.

"Good, that's good. Now, I want you to follow me with your eyes." And she moved her hand to and fro at a steady pace. Colette looked on up until the time Raine told her it was okay to stop. "Okay, that went well. Now do you think you can stand? I want you to walk in as straight a line as possible to the door."

"Um, okay. . ." So she stood, a little wobbly at first, but then straightened her back as she began to step forward. Sheena stalked her, seemingly worried that Raine might have been asking for too much too soon from the blond Chosen. But Colette was successful in her endeavor, which was a good thing. It had taken her a moment but she could remember now what had happened before she fell last night. That pain. . .

. . . Nevertheless, it was gone now, and she felt, well, _good._ She hoped that nobody would think to ask any questions, though she did suddenly have one of her own.

". . . So where is everybody?" She asked. It was strange how quiet it was when none of them were around. She'd been asleep for almost twenty-four hours of course so she didn't know what she expected of them. . . But then, what if something had happened? What if they were hurt?

"We were all very worried when Lloyd told us what had happened but it's never been known that crowding around the ill will help their health to improve. Genis is studying now, and Regal is washing laundry. I assume Presea is making dinner, but Zelos--"

"--That pervert is doing something inappropriate, obviously." Sheena '_hmphed_' with indignation. "But now that I think about it, I haven't seen Lloyd all day. He wasn't around for lunch, was he. . . ?" She tapped a finger to her chin as she thought back on it.

"He stayed the night here, but around dawn he left," Raine recollected, "I hadn't really thought about asking where he was going." It sounded strange to everyone to hear her say that because Raine was pretty well-known for thinking about everything. Then again, maybe it _wasn't _about not thinking about it.

"Oh." Colette sounded as though she'd been let down. And she hadn't even been wondering about Lloyd over everyone else. . . until now. She shouldn't really expect him to spend all of that time waiting for her to wake up. He'd been there all night with the Professor, right? But. . . what did it mean that he hadn't waited when he'd always given that extra effort before?

Maybe he was angry; maybe he'd put two and two together and figured out that something _was _wrong with her, even if he didn't know just what it was yet. But maybe now he knew she was keeping secrets again.

Colette bit her lip in anxiety. No, no. . . What should she do? What could she do? Not only was she worried about being found out but of course she was worried about _him_. Nobody had seen him since morning! What if he was hurt, or if he'd gone outside of the city alone?

"Do you want me to go look for him?" Sheena asked, a masked expression on her face now.

"W - what?" Colette hadn't noticed that her feelings had been so apparent.

"I mean, I don't know where to start but if you want to see him I can drag him back here."

"Oh. . . Oh, no. . . I know that if Lloyd isn't here then it's for good reason. He's probably doing something really important isn't he?" The blond Chosen would not let her faith in him waver.

"Colette, I'm going to find you something to eat. You must be very hungry by now," Raine said, getting up and swiftly walking from the room.

"So. . . important like what?" Sheena asked a moment after the older woman had gone.

"Like. . . Hm, like bathing."

"For this long?"

"And then maybe he went out to get something to eat, or to customize a stronger weapon."

"But that still wouldn't take all this time."

"And he probably thought ahead and went to stock up on Gels and Lenses and stuff after that."

Sheena couldn't help but smile. It was funny that Colette believed so much in Lloyd that she would come up with everything possible he could've done after he'd left the Flanoir inn.

"But still, is all of that really more important than making sure you're alright?"

Colette opened her mouth to respond, but faltered for a moment, closed it, then opened it again a second later.

"Of course it is! The Gels will help heal everyone whether or not we're fighting monsters when we need them! And if he gets better swords then he can protect everyone, right? And Lloyd should always think at least a little bit of his own health." She finished in one breath, so very mad at herself for not speaking up right away. But she had always known him to be that way and was sure she would never be able to think as much of him if he had ever changed.

She just wished that, if only for a moment or two, she could be more important to him than all of that.

She took a second to scratch a faint itch on her back while Sheena wasn't paying attention and then proceeded to get up.

"Oh, whoa, wait a minute, Colette! The Professor said she was going to get you something to eat. Where are you going?" The summoner asked, her hands moving from her own hips to the blonde Chosen's shoulders, urging the younger girl to stay seated.

"I'm sorry, Sheena. I won't be gone long. But I'm just a little hot, and I wanted to walk around for a few minutes outside. . . I promise I'm fine. I mean," she stopped for an extra moment, and the silence reached beyond their words, her curiosity somehow higher than Sheena expected it to be, "the Professor didn't find anything wrong with me, right?"

"W - well no, that's true, other than your bump. . . B - but you were unconscious for almost a whole day. Even if she couldn't find anything, something could still be wrong with you. Maybe she just, I dunno. . . Maybe she just didn't know where to look!"

"You could be right. . . But I feel really okay right now. I just want a little fresh air. I promise that I'll come right back inside if I start to get dizzy or something."

Sheena knew she really had no control over what actions Colette wished to take, so despite her better judgment she waved her off and sat down on the abandoned mattress to think up an excuse in case the others chose to ask questions. Only one thing was clear to her now; because of Flanoir's year-round climate, it wasn't nearly as hot inside as Colette had made it seem. . .

Colette, meanwhile, made it outside without so much as a hitch or hiccup. It wasn't like she'd been sneaking or anything but she'd already had to force one person to let her go and she felt guilty about it. She didn't want to do it again.

The thing was that she _did_ feel good – nay, great. After succumbing to that horrible bout of pain the night before and getting a good night's sleep, she experienced that revitalization in a way that made it seem as though she hadn't fainted or even been bothered with it to begin with. She hadn't felt it in a long time, and while it lasted (because she knew it wouldn't be long), she needed to do everything she could, everything she felt was necessary for her to do.

She needed to talk to Lloyd. Well, no, not really. She wanted to at least see him though, and she wasn't sure if that was because a small part of her really was curious about what he'd been doing that deemed her so unimportant automatically. Or maybe she sought the reassurance of his facial feathers, of the sound of his breathing, of his laugh, and his broad shoulders and long arms that he would sometimes wrap around her when he thought the emotional intensity of the situation called for it.

But really, _really_, she just wanted him around, didn't she?

So she walked from the inn to the east stone worn staircase, then North around the doctor's office and straight under the canopy the two of them had shared together _that night_, past the kart where the young child would sell her fresh produce and things. Finally, she came to the customization shop, also the Katz location in this particular city, walking still along until she came upon the series of ice sculptures.

Colette sighed despondently, not finding him. Maybe it was because he didn't want to be found. But then she saw a glint of silver in the weak sunlight followed by a few murmured words.

". . . No, not quick enough yet. Not strong enough either." That was definitely Lloyd's voice. "This doesn't make sense. Shouldn't I be stronger by now? _I'll_ be the one who causes trouble if I don't. . ." But was he talking to himself? And what did he mean? Then another voice responded with a careless laugh.

"Man, I don't know what your problem is. What are you trying to prove? Don't they depend on you enough?" She recognized that one, too.

"Is that why you followed me out here, Zelos?" Lloyd said in between grunts as he swung one blade before the other, crossing them to form a defensive stance, then breaking it and drawing one sword to the left, the other to the right. "To tell me stuff like that? But if they depend on me so much it's even more reason to get stronger."

"You sound like you think you're inferior to everyone else. I mean, I get it, having to stand next to my masculine beauty all the time – there is no comparison. But don't beat yourself up about it, bud; it's the same for everyone."

"That's great, Zelos, really. Thanks for cheering me up," his obvious sarcasm was punctured by the sound of his swords clashing together accidentally, one flying upwards from his hand and landing in the snow about a meter in front of him, ". . . Damn. . . I thought I had it that time."

"Okay, okay. I won't say anything else. But answer my question first." There was some light shuffling and Zelos's head came into view, his bright hair a dead giveaway in the light, "Why are you suddenly training so hard? You've been trying to reunite the worlds forever, and you've beaten Mithos once already, along with anyone or anything he's thrown at you. If it hadn't been for his Cruxis Crystal, this battle against him would be over already."

"I told you back on Derris-Kharlan, I just want to be absolutely sure that we'll win, and that we'll have the strength after to revive the Great Seed. Beating Mithos won't do us any good if we hurt so bad after that we can't do that."

"And it makes sense, but it's not what I meant. I was talking about the past day. Training so that you'll be sure to succeed in the war to put Sylvarant and Tethe`alla right is one thing, and we're okay with pushing ourselves for that cause, but suddenly all of that effort, hours upon hours every day, isn't enough for you. It's useless to keep thinking that way – 'try harder, not yet, just a little longer, just a little stronger' – because you'll never be able to accept yourself that way, not to mention _you_ in particular could work yourself to death over it."

Lloyd seemed speechless at first, and then he cracked a smile.

"Hey Zelos, it almost sounds like you're admitting you care about us."

"The Chosen cares about everyone and anyone equally; that's why they're born." He gave a smug smirk and shrugged, "And despite what you think of me, I'm not as selfish as I sound a lot of the time. I'm really a sensitive and intellectual soul."

Lloyd stared down at him evenly.

"I mean it!"

He continued to stare, and it was during this vast silence that Colette realized she was doing it again, eavesdropping and proving she was a worse person than first thought. What was she hoping to hear, anyway?

"H - hey, you never answered my question anyway." Zelos coughed, hoping to put an end to the discomfort. Lloyd's brow furrowed as he finally ripped his blade from the ground and slid it into its sheath, followed by the one in his other hand, "Finally! You should have done that four or so hours ago! Now answer me. Why are you suddenly trying so hard, as though every other effort you've made recently means nothing now?"

Lloyd looked like he was thinking something over, maybe wanting to give a specific answer or thinking over the entire situation. He opened his mouth to respond but for some reason Colette couldn't stand keeping her silence any longer.

"Ll - Lloyd!" She called with a wide smile, waving as she almost power-walked over to the two young men, "Hi Zelos, hi. . . Lloyd!"

"Colette, you're awake! Are you okay though? Should you be outside after whatever happened to you last night?" Lloyd marched forward to meet her halfway, apparently thinking she couldn't handle the five or so meters of distance on her own.

"I'm fine," she giggled but couldn't help but glow when he closed in on her, as though trying to keep her close by being the pillar she could physically lean on to keep standing. "I came because when I woke up, Sheena and the Professor said they hadn't seen you since early this morning. I was worried about you, about _why _you would be away from everyone for so long." She looked him in the eyes but refused to go on about her true concerns. Did she lack such importance? He hadn't even stuck around long enough for her to wake up. But. . .

But she still couldn't blame him for it. After all, she was always causing trouble, always a burden, always dependent on his kind words and gestures.

And all of a sudden what Lloyd had been saying when she'd first noticed him there made sense. He saw things the way she did after all, something she'd always neglected to think about.

She could only cause him distress now. He had said so himself right? That he would cause everyone trouble, stressing the reference to himself as though adding the phrase 'this time,' as though he meant that usually it was someone else who made everyone fight harder, put them in danger.

Usually it was Colette who did that; in fact, she could think of nobody else but her who would cause their group more trouble.

But she smiled at the two young men in front of her anyway despite the sudden wave of turmoil that flooded her, causing her chest to ache for a moment. But that was all the time it could last before Lloyd's next statement rung through her ears and struck her thoughts into oblivion.

"Hey. . . Colette, do you know what happened last night? You seemed okay when we got to Flanoir but then. . . Well, when Presea and I found you. . . I mean, I was really worried that something was wrong but we couldn't figure out what, and even the Professor didn't get it. Were you really just sleeping all through the day?"

"Um. . . maybe. . . maybe I was a little sick. I was really hungry yesterday, after we got to the city. I'm sorry Lloyd; I didn't mean to cause you trouble again." She tapped her knuckles to her head, taking it lighter on the surface than within.

Zelos almost made fun of the both of them, they were so cute. But he seriously wondered what their reactions would be to his ruining the moment. After all, the thing about Lloyd and Colette was that they could hold hands for hours or talk intimately as though the world around them had never actually existed and they would think nothing of it afterwards; this kind of event was normal for them, it was just the way they _were._

And even he wouldn't think highly of this time between the two being ruined. At the same time he found it unbearable being ignored the way he was.

"You're no trouble to me Colette. I'm just worried about you. I told you earlier and I've said it a few times before, I don't want you to be hurt anymore. When you're in pain I feel like I've failed somehow." He cracked a sudden smile, his face tinged pink for the slightest instant, and joked, "Now Zelos? Zelos causes trouble."

Ah, an opportunity!

"Hey, what are you saying about me? I could never cause problems for you. Don't forget how much I've done to help your mission to reunite the worlds! You guys wouldn't stand a chance without me here to open up doors full of possibilities!" The Chosen of Tethe`alla whined.

". . . Isn't he the guy who sold us out to Cruxis that one time?" Lloyd laughed a little as he said it, and the immediate air of discomfort that had appeared at his words instantly evaporated. After all, if he could smile while thinking of it and bringing it up now then that meant all was forgiven. Then he turned to Zelos and jacked his thumb behind him, "Hey, I think maybe I should head back. It's getting late and I'm hungry now. Are you coming too?"

"I dunno," the red-haired man continued to sulk, "I wouldn't want to disappoint you or sell you out again. What good am I to you anyway? Maybe I should just leave you all, disappear, become a lone soldier of divine justice or a hermit or something. . ."

"Suit yourself," Lloyd shrugged and turned to walk towards the inn with Colette.

"No. . . ! How could you say that? My face is destined for much greater things!"

And Colette couldn't help but laugh, which dwindled down as she thought of what Lloyd had said to her. She wasn't a burden , somehow didn't trouble him. Lloyd was an honest person so he would have told her so if he actually felt that way. . . right?

But the though, the possibility, the fear made her grit her teeth. She would continue to smile, continue to be everything he knew and expected of her, until such a time that she would no longer be capable of it.

If she could, she would continue to fight, continue to think that she could maybe still stave off her inevitable downfall. And she would die before admitting to Lloyd that she'd failed him, before telling him what she'd really become - death scared her least of all.

OoOoO


	6. Tomodachi : Friends

**Author **- Chibi / Warlordess

**Notes **- Oh my, I've been slowly but surely working my way up to this fic for so many months now that I'm actually scared of writing it for fear that I'll be disappointed in myself. . . Still, I really liked the idea. . . I mean, Colette suffers (can you believe I'm a huge fan?) and Lloyd saves her, and it's all about the feelings, let alone a physical illness that comes into play and might or might not have something to do with Cruxis. . . Whoo. . . ! I'm so excited and pumped now!

Okay, so please read and review honestly! This is going to be my first Colloyd confession fic (if all goes well) out of. . . How many has it been now? Like, four or five? I've been wanting to do this _for-ev-er_. Lol. So. . . that's it! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer **- I wish, most sincerely, that I owned Tales of Symphonia. That OVA would have finished if I did, damnit! And Colloyd? Yeah, that would have really, totally, completely happened. And Sheena would have obviously warmed up to Zelos. . . Not to mention Presea and Genis. . . (I still want to write my one-shot idea on them anyway; hopefully it's not too farfetched, and maybe it wasn't even a one-shot. I can't remember anymore.)

**Side Note **- This chapter talks about battle "strategies," and yes, I do mean those that you can put into effect in the actual game. I try to make it sound like the characters are simply training and not being controlled by the player. It'll get a bit more difficult if I start having Sheena summon ('cause she can only do it in Over-Limit, and I feel weird making Over-Limit exist in a fan fic for some reason). I'm trying to stick to the facts, though, so that's the way it's going to be. I might mix in things from the game and the OVA but I'm trying to take my own creative license out and splash it here and there, mostly in the flashbacks. They're supposed to be conversations that I think would have happened in the game if there'd been the time. I'm trying to refrain from being too lazy so more game knowledge other than that. Therefore if you're confused about something, please let me know. I will respond to all reviews asking questions that need to be answered to understand this fic better unless I've planned for them to be explained later on a certain chapter. Even if it takes me a week to do so.

OoOoO

**Tales of Symphonia **- "Angelus Tainted"

**Summary **- The Chosen of Regeneration had not been since the time Lloyd said he would save her. And yet, Colette agonizes when she begins to realize her greatest wishes aren't for the good fortune of everyone around her, but rather for a specific someone. . . And now, Cruxis has turned her away as the one with the power to regenerate Sylvarant. Colloyd.

**Part Six** - "My Friends, Trying to Find Me"

OoOoO

_The battle against Pronyma seemed to crawl along slowly, but Lloyd was sure they could win this time. He could see Mithos standing behind his subordinate warrior, although he was completely disregarding the fight, instead making sure that the machine Colette's body had been hooked up to wasn't damaged along with the Great Seed and Martel's soul._

_They won, their victory somehow strengthened by the events leading up to it. He had almost lost everyone - had thought that there was no way they could survive and that he'd have to finish this war alone. He didn't even have Colette anymore thanks to Zelos betraying them._

_. . . But he'd proven himself, freed everyone, and brought them back to help take down Cruxis - finally. Lloyd had known that he was right to trust in the Tethe`alla Chosen despite the older man telling them all just how he felt about being "the Chosen." Colette couldn't help but be jealous of what Zelos was honestly capable of later when she heard of it, though only a little bit._

_They had beaten Pronyma, had been taken aback by Mithos's cruelty towards her failure. . . And they'd still missed their opportunity. Mithos cackled at his success. Colette's soul was gone, locked away, and his sister had been reborn after so many botched attempts._

_An incredible emotional force welled within Lloyd and Genis, and the rest of them. They'd beaten everything Mithos had thrown at them, had infiltrated Cruxis and solved all of the puzzles and mysteries, and now they could finally equip and use the Eternal Sword to reunite the worlds, but something told him - told all of them - that it would be almost pointless now, no matter how ridiculous it obviously was to think like that._

_But still they felt it, Lloyd especially. After all, who's unfortunate fate had convinced him that there had to be - or else, he had to make - a better way to regenerate the world and end everyone's suffering? And now Colette wouldn't even see what result their group would end up with. . . ?_

_Somehow, miraculously, Martel agreed with them, or she'd at least disagreed with her brother and his methods to bring her back and make everyone accept their half-elven kind. She warned him to return everything to the way it was, to remember why they'd tried to go on a successful pilgrimage from the start all that time ago. Lloyd couldn't help the thought racing through his mind at that moment: Maybe, just maybe, _this_ was what Mithos had needed to hear all along. Maybe it wasn't about fighting back. Maybe his sister talking him down from his fury and his misery would end the war without any more bloodshed._

_But instead when Martel's soul vanished from Colette's body of her own will and the blond Chosen's consciousness returned (for which Lloyd was eternally grateful), Mithos seemed to go slightly mad, giggling maniacally under his breath and stating how it was suddenly so clear to him, what his sister had wanted all along._

_To go back to their home-world of Derris-Kharlan. And so he would, and he'd take the Great Seed with him. . . but not without a fight._

_Colette could feel a strange, foreign presence within her, and knew it was Martel. The half-elf woman was warning her with her surges of apprehension and worry. Colette was nervous now too. These feelings were not hers. . . and yet they seemed to be hers after all. She felt the fear that was Martel's, and heard it as though it were a voice that could literally speak to her._

_And it was telling her that if they didn't put a stop to this now, it would all be over, in the worst sense of the word. She told Lloyd and the others as much, and the battle against their final obstacle to save and reunite both Sylvarant and Tethe`alla began. Everyone thought it would be their last and fought with every arsenal they had available. It was a long and rigorous fight and there was a time or two where they were sure they'd lost. . . but they persevered and that trait they all had in common won out in the end._

_But it wasn't really the end, was it? According to Kratos, they still had to break the seal on Origin, plant the Great Seed between the two worlds and allow it to grow. There was still so much to do. . ._

_They would do it, though. Lloyd was sure that their success would be absolute, they would do what they'd set out to do. Now that Zelos was truly on their side, now that Kratos was openly offering assistance, now that everyone was beside him once again, he knew it was impossible for them to lose._

_They marched down the pathways of Welgaia, memories of their near deaths coming to them as they passed. Lloyd saw the arrow that had impaled him in the front earlier - he'd thrown it aside when he'd woken up - and gripped the snow bunny Colette had given him a little tighter. He'd been very lucky to have it on hand at the time; he surely would have died without it. Be that as it may, he also knew he would have felt very guilty if the Flanoir luck charm had broken when he'd been hit. It was a gift from Colette after all, a physical manifestation of every worry and hope and so on and so forth that she'd ever had over him. . . And to think it had broken the impact from the arrow in his chest._

_It was like she had saved him. But Lloyd never seemed to have the chance to thank her. Instead they escaped from Welgaia as fast as possible, Kratos disappearing ahead of them so that they would meet up again in Torent Forest to release Origin's seal. That night everyone slept uncomfortably - if they slept at all - at the prospect of finally releasing the seal on the final Summon Spirit and merging together Tethe`alla and Sylvarant again. But it would be at the cost of a man's life, and not only a man but a former member of their group, and. . . Lloyd's real father._

_Despite Kratos's betrayal from before, despite him attempting to steal Colette away so many times and fighting them every step of the way, Lloyd knew there was at least _some _good in him. Mithos said it himself, right? Kratos had betrayed _him _by feeding Lloyd's group information they would otherwise not be privy to. He had helped them, was on their side, right. . . ?_

_Colette found him thinking on it again, just like the time in Flanoir. It was late, but she wondered if he might need somebody to talk to anyway and he was grateful for that. . . though not as grateful as he would have been if they could have talked together after a full night's sleep._

_They marched around the river flowing through Heimdall, coming to rest on the bench on the edge of the city, staring out at the water. The sound calmed their spirits and the balmy evening temperature cooled their bodies. And then they talked, about Kratos, the final seal - Origin's seal, themselves and the others, about what would be left to accomplish after having moved on and finishing the mess that Cruxis had left them._

_And then there were the Exspheres. Lloyd felt the responsibility of their existence weighing him down. He wasn't duty bound but he felt he was the only one capable of taking them back and doing away with them the best way possible. And Colette, bless her, couldn't let him do it alone. He just _couldn't _do it alone, right? But really, she feared he wouldn't want her around, wondered if he might value the time away from everyone - but, most of all, the time away from her._

_She knew the best way to rid herself of that uselessness was to make herself _useful _so she offered to go with him on that journey he'd decided to take after they finished off Mithos. Otherwise he would be isolated, _fight _single-handedly, that whole time and she didn't think she could handle even just the thought of it let alone his actually going through with it._

_Lloyd seemed grateful at the prospect of company while going on his next journey, though she could see the lines of anxiety creasing his forehead. He was worried about the danger he might put her in upon accepting her presence at the time. Colette couldn't help but reminisce about that day what seemed so long ago when she'd left him behind in Iselia for the exact same reasons. . . but he had found her anyway, and traveled with her to release the seals, defended her name when necessary, comforted her when her secret illness seemed too much to bear alone, but also kept it to himself at her digression._

_She would rather die than say she couldn't do the same for him._

_So the two teenagers completed their promise before getting up and starting to walk back towards Heimdall's inn. As they reached the main entrance, an air of uncomfortable silence overcame them. They weren't used to it and verbally fumbled. Colette felt - _knew _- that it was probably her fault. She couldn't say goodnight yet, she really couldn't; she just felt that after the situation they'd all faced this afternoon, after almost losing everyone to Cruxis's traps, that something was missing._

_"Are you okay?" Lloyd's concerned tone rung out all too clearly and she knew it was necessary to tell him how she felt._

_"I - I'm sorry, Lloyd. I am trying to be," she finished in a murmured stutter, "okay, that is. But right now, the way things are, I don't think I could sleep at all tonight. . ."_

_"Oh, uh, well, what's wrong? I'm sure I can fix it," and he sounded just so confident, too!_

_"It's. . . hard to explain," when in all truth it was quite easy, "and a little embarrassing," though nothing in her whole life had ever seemed easier than talking to him, "and I don't want to bother you with something like this. It's kind of childish." She finished with a slight heave in her breath, a small chuckle, and a blush igniting her face._

_"But if you don't tell me, I'll be too worried to sleep too. That might cause trouble when releasing Origin's seal tomorrow, wouldn't it?" His logic seemed infallible to her, just as it always did._

_"I - It's just that, well, today. . . everyone almost died, didn't they?" It came out so fast that he blinked before his brow furrowed, upset at the not-so-distant memory but not at her for bringing it up._

_"Yeah, you're right. They did. It's thanks to Zelos that I have you all back with me. The thought of losing you was really hard to bear," and it looked it as he clenched his fists, trying not to let it get to him._

_". . . A - and me, Martel. . . I wasn't there anymore. She _had _my body. I don't even remember anything up until Zelos was standing next to me. I was definitely. . . not there anymore." She tried to put it into the best, least offending way she knew how._

_Lloyd gulped and his jaw clenched too. he didn't know what to say to that. Maybe it was because of how true it was or maybe it was because he just didn't want to face that truth. He'd almost lost her today, like many other days in the past, but none had been nearly so close as today. It was a very lucky break that Martel had not condoned her brother's actions over the past few thousand years. . ._

_. . . But what did Colette mean, bringing that up now? Lloyd knew he couldn't forget it - he simply couldn't be capable of something that cruel - but. . . he didn't like bringing it up for no good reason either. It would forever remind him of the price he could pay one day. . . but he was sure Colette understood that; it was the proof of the strength of their bond, the fact that they understood each other's silences so well._

_Colette didn't seem like she wanted to tell anymore though. She must really have been feeling embarrassed then._

_". . . It's just. . . I _left_. . ." she finally allowed him after another few minutes of his clueless expression, "I was gone, and then I came back to everyone. And everyone welcomed me back. . . except for. . ." And she stared up at him with a prodding look in her eyes._

_"Oh. . . _Oh_! Ah hah," he couldn't help but laugh. He'd just been so relieved that everyone had made it out okay. . . All of his friends were safe from the wrath of Cruxis now, including Colette. . . He was sure it had been obvious on his face, how scared he was of having to end this war alone, of having to take responsibility for everyone's deaths, having to tell their family and acquaintances. But Colette's needing him to say it didn't put him off in the slightest and, in all honesty, actually made him feel as if things could only go right for them now._

_It was a little embarrassing but he knew it was the least he could give her._

_"You know, I'm really, really glad you're here with me. Welcome back, Colette."_

OoOoO

". . . let. . . ?" There was a muffled voice shouting that Colette somehow found herself unable to focus on, ". . . Colette? . . . Hey, Colette!"

Colette blinked up at the bright light and saw Lloyd staring down at her with a greatly relieved smile as he eased her cautiously into an up-right position.

"Lloyd. . . ? What happened?" She asked, noticing Raine beside her as well, administering First Aid. Sheena, Presea, Zelos, and Genis fought a huge Carnivorous Plant in the background.

"What happened? Hm. . ." Lloyd clenched his jaw as he tried to think of a delicate way to put it. "Well, you were knocked out. I don't really get it but you were fighting and using Stardust Cross on that," and he threw his head back in the direction of the monster just as Presea gave a near-finishing blow, ". . . but when you were bracing yourself and concentrating, he blasted you and it knocked you back."

Oh, that's right. It had happened again. Colette squinted her eyes closed in shame. She had been doing well the past couple of days so she supposed it made sense that it would happen sooner or later. Still, she could only hope none of her friends had caught on. . .

"It was weird though. It looked like you were getting ready to dodge and then. . . but. . . hm. . ." Lloyd scrunched up his face in thought, "Was there something wrong with your wings? I could have sworn they - they _flickered_ or. . ."

Colette tried to put on a desperately confused expression. She was good at that by now so it wasn't very hard to make sure it left Lloyd thinking she knew nothing about it. And then she laughed it all off.

"My wings? They should be okay. I think maybe I must have been tired is all. Ever since I got back that need for sleep, I don't think I've been taking as much advantage of it as I should. . ." She hated that she couldn't look him in the eyes as she said so, ". . . Heheh. . ."

Suddenly Regal came up from behind the trio and Raine stepped back, having been holding in her own questions for awhile now so that Lloyd could ask his.

"I found a spring a few minutes away from here. This is water for Colette," he stated in his gruff yet concerned tone. With that he handed the bowl he'd taken with him to the blond Chosen and she gulped it down eagerly, almost as though trying to show that she obviously wouldn't be able to talk while doing so.

"Colette. . ." Raine's tone was almost admonishing, though she wouldn't dare. "Is there something wrong with your angel powers? We'd thought that if you got your soul back you might have to return them but you showed us later that you still had access to your wings and enhanced senses, and your holy magic. And the parasite from the Key Crest Lloyd gave you introduced itself. . . Are you sure there was no delayed reaction because of it?"

Colette finished her drink and gave the most innocent, wide-eyed stare yet.

"I don't know. I don't think so; I feel fine, really. I think I was just tired. I haven't been sleeping well." The Professor pursed her lips but remained silent while Lloyd looked her over before smiling back, deciding she was being honest.

He was always known for having notoriously poor perception, something Colette knew and hated herself for taking advantage of. But she couldn't have him knowing. She didn't want anyone to know, of course, but least of all him.

Presea was still front-lining against the plant monster in the background but. . . she was doing so alone. Zelos had stepped back to cast Healing Stream on her and Sheena had decided to try and summon Sylph. She was veiled in a sky green aura that opened from beneath her and traveled upwards to the tips of her nose and fingers.

"I call upon the messengers of the heavens. . . Come. . . !" She chanted, winding down to the finale. But then the Carnivorous Plant dug partially underneath the earth and uprooted Presea by the feet, leaving her dangling upside down before forcefully tossing her through the air - (Colette flinched as she realized that's what had most likely happened to _her_). The ax-wielder was thrown straight from the safe-circle of blinding blue-white that had appeared from Zelos's spell casting.

She was so small and light that she sailed far, smashing into Sheena, who had just finished chanting for Sylph. But her strange dark aura had vanished a moment too soon and, suddenly winded, she'd obviously lost her sense of concentration.

Zelos tried to take the offensive but didn't have the chance. Genis finished his own incantation and unleashed his Earth Bite. Everything on the opposing half of the field started to shake, a giant chasm appearing before it split into two and devoured the monster whole, dragging it underneath the ground. That was the last Lloyd's group heard of it.

Presea and Sheena both edged cautiously to their feet, as though they expected to be knocked down again. They dusted themselves off and apologized to each other then started walking back towards the others. Genis received a pat on the back for casting his spell while Zelos. . . Well, he was admonished for his poor timing.

". . . I mean, haven't you ever heard of using a Lemon Gel?" Sheena said with her arms tossed high into the air and a slight scowl on her face, "At least I was doing something useful for her if I wasn't actually helping Presea up front. . ."

"Relax, my voluptuous hunny! There's no need for you to get your stockings in a bunch." Zelos shrugged, "Besides, we won didn't we? And everyone's okay. So I don't really see the problem."

"Of course you don't see it." Sheena scoffed but uncrossed her arms and let it drop as well. Then she turned towards their secondary team of battlers and her expression grew soft as she looked them over. "I guess. . . I messed up. I'll take responsibility _this time_." She didn't give anyone a chance to respond before changing the topic again, "So. . . are you okay, Colette?"

"Um, yeah, I think so." Colette gave a slight laugh but it faltered suddenly and she held in a flinch as a sharp pain arched up her back. Instead her reaction came out sounding like a hacking breath (which was very easy to notice) and everyone turned to look at her.

"I. . . maybe we should stop here for now." Lloyd admitted. Nobody bothered to oppose him which meant they must have agreed at least a little bit.

So they made sure all of their belongings were packed securely and gave some of the burden to Noishe, who whinnied almost in complaint but didn't try to shake it off so it was fine. Raine and Regal both took a look at the Tethe`alla map which revealed that they were Southeast of Meltokio, a fair distance unless they used the Rhieards.

"There's no real reason to go to that trouble, right? I mean, look; there's a House of Guidance only half a mile from here. We'd get there sooner walking then using the Rhieards to head North to the city." Genis came up behind his sister and drew an invisible line on the paper with his finger to trace the distance.

"It's a good point but we would have to spend money to use the facilities there, and it would also be harder to avoid unwanted fighting. In the long run, traveling the distance to Zelos's house in Meltokio would better accommodate us later when we need to stock up on Gels or Lenses or things." She folded up the map, sounding as though her argument had made the choice fairly easy. "Why are you so eager to find a place to stay? Are you feeling--" She felt the question die in her throat as she caught sight of her younger sibling stealing a glance in Presea's direction. The younger girl seemed slightly ruffled by the blow she'd taken earlier on but other than that, looked perfectly okay. But she sighed anyway, giving in. Genis must have been worried for Presea; young or not, it seemed that boys would still be boys.

"Fine, we'll go to the House of Guidance." Truth be told, it wasn't as though he was the only one worried about their party members. Somehow it seemed like they'd been dealt a lot of near-fatal blows to their _platoon_ ever since they'd begun to train for the final battle. . . Well, no, maybe it was from before that time. . . Either way, she knew she'd be lying if she said she didn't think it suspicious at all. It almost felt like there had been many a deliberate attempt to hinder them on their journey.

Given, things rarely ever ran smoothly for them anyway but this was different. It was like. . . everything would be going well, _so _well, and then it would go _too _well. And now that she considered it, most of the strife seemed to be coming from within their group.

Because, as Zelos happened to mention a few minutes later while they walked in slightly uncomfortable silence, hadn't they had a few too many close calls as of late. . . ? But as much as Raine thought about it, as much as she knew or didn't quite know, and as many educated guesses as she could make. . . she had figured some of it out already. However, just as it had been during their first journey when Colette was trying to regenerate the world, she wondered. . . was it really her place to say anything?

"So who wants to cook tonight?" Lloyd asked after everyone had placed their things upstairs in their rooms. They were the only guests this particular evening, most people too scared of the monsters to take pilgrimages of their own. Despite the lack of income, the priests were very accommodating and refused to take money from the "Great Chosen Zelos" and his fellow comrades in arms. Lloyd and the others wanted to say something about that, to set the record straight, but chose to bite their tongues. After all, it was a free night indoors even if it was because of the Tethe`alla Chosen's pitiable title, and they also decided in the end to make him cook dinner after all. At least it kept the Professor from trying out her "improved" recipe for Gratin and the penance evened out.

So Zelos made his special pork cutlets, seasoned with a particular blend of spices his mother had taught him about when he was a youth. Everyone attempted to resist the urge to applaud the taste but by the time they were finished their second helpings, they were sure he knew what they thought of it.

Showers were taken and then Sheena brewed them all some hot tea to help ease their bruised egos and assist them in falling asleep. There were bits and pieces of broken conversation between them all but nobody seemed to notice Colette keeping to herself. It would be nearly impossible for her to talk, after all, without the words dissolving into a series of whimpers.

Because gone were the days when she could distract herself with that itch she'd had before. Now the crippling pain took her over and wore her down. She could barely speak except for the times far and few in between when she felt nothing. . . But then, that meant she literally felt. . . _nothing._ It was like a fervent, overbearing form of meditation; she had to force herself to think of anything, sometimes other kinds of pain, to make this particular one disappear for awhile.

And it definitely only lasted for awhile, a _short _while. Most often it wore off while she was battling monsters, training to impress Lloyd. She usually ended up feigning some level of hunger or tiredness so that she could withdraw from the first string of fighters without too much cause for suspicion.

And it worked. Thanks to the group's collected mishap against the Carnivorous Plant proving they indeed still made mistakes and sometimes had a lot to learn, she had been let off the hook. Yes, everyone did worry and occasionally she would find one of them glancing in her direction but she would always shake them off with a smile and a very few convincing words.

Even so, despite all of her efforts to keep the pain of her condition to herself, she could not even dare to prevent something so - _so _- obvious from being noticed.

Because her illness or disease or whatever it really was had finally reached its peak and she could do nothing but sit and wait away the hours and days and - if she were lucky - weeks until her condition finished deteriorating and. . .

. . . But the point was, an obvious problem and the newest symptom (or side-effect, depending on how you looked at it) had arisen at last.

"Ray Thrust! Paraball!" Colette continued her extravagant combo even though she was using a lot of her endurance just to maintain standing. "Item Rover!" She purposely lost her footing and toppled forward onto the Bellpepper Head, the force of which was enough to make it vanish in the semi-night atmosphere.

That was the last of them, she thought as she heaved a sigh, and it was a good thing too. Suddenly the group of eight was huddling very close together, alone, in the Torent Forest at the back of the still topsy-turvy leftovers of the elven city, Heimdall. They were on the alert for anymore monsters that might want to attack them.

She had been frontlining for the past few days, had given plenty of excuses for it but really, all it came down to was that she simply couldn't do anything else anymore. She had lost her supreme angel senses, all of them from her hearing to that great strength she'd taken for granted. Then she'd forgotten her incantations and somehow couldn't bring forth the spiritual power that would allow her rains of Judgment or heavenly chakrams to appear.

Finally the last of her angelic gifts had vanished and the symptoms of her illness were drawing to a close. Her wings had gone, simply vanished overnight. Now as she thought about it, all of her itching, all of the pain, made sense. She hadn't really considered it, why all of that stress had been centered on her back, but it was suddenly so clear, wasn't it? Her wings had actually been the first thing to "malfunction" but had just taken the longest to go. And all of the itching, the pain; it was like whatever force had taken her powers had decided to do it in the most torturous way possible, plucking one feather at a time until there was absolutely nothing left.

She knew the questions were coming before anyone had the chance to ask them. Though it didn't mean that the answers would be anywhere near as easy to give.

"I didn't know you could fight from the ground like that," Sheena sounded impressed as she breached the subject, almost as though she didn't suspect a thing. "In fact, I've never seen you do that. Even way back when I was trying to - um, well, you know. . ." She turned a little pink in the face, slightly ashamed of her initial actions against the blond Chosen, ". . . you still used your wings. I thought it was just how you did it, part of your technique. That's kind of cool."

"Um, yeah, I guess you're right. I could always hide them when I needed to but I felt lighter and stronger if I had them out in the open when I battled so that's what I kept doing. But now. . ." She faltered, shrugged, hoped that what information she'd given away would be enough for everyone to form their own conclusions.

"But now. . . what?" Lloyd asked. All of their companions seemed to let the topic drop, but he had a certain look on his face that she couldn't help but notice. It was like he was staring her down, daring her to lie to him. And if that was the case, it meant he already suspected her of lying.

She might have been leaping into dangerous territory now, might she not?

"B - but now. . . um. . ." She had to come up with something, and fast! "Um, well, I've just been feeling a little tired, a little sluggish, afterwards when I'm walking around. I figured I wasn't getting enough exercise so I decided I'd just fight on my feet for awhile and gain more strength in my legs." She smiled convincingly at him and he seemed to buy it, his expression suddenly different, suddenly content.

She had fooled him for a little bit. . . or maybe forever, as long as it was necessary to do so, at the very least.

But even though her wings had finally vanished for the last time, the pains continued. There were still times she could barely stand, still others where it was slightened and she deliriously imagined that everything would be okay.

Of course it wouldn't, and then she really couldn't help but think about it - those times late at night when she was too restless from worry to sleep or else when she was bathing and simply couldn't get comfortable despite the soothing temperature of the water and scent of the soap.

After the first day, nobody asked questions about it - the topic seemed taboo. That code of silence lasted, and then lasted some more, as days and weeks continued to come and go. That was until one evening as Colette was putting on a crisply cleaned outfit and happened to gaze into the mirror halfway behind her to get a good look at her pitiful figure.

She was no Sheena, that was for certain, but the sight caused a scream of terror to erupt from her throat as soon as her eyes made contact, and the shriek carried far.

"O - oh no. . . What is. . . ?" It was just lucky she saw it as soon as she did because now she could hide it and nobody would ever see and--

--She tossed the pure white cotton dress over her head just as the door came crashing in, Lloyd's obviously panicked face the first thing she saw before he was shoved inside thanks to Zelos being pushed forward too by everyone else.

"What?" Voices were asking and Colette knew one of them was Lloyd's but everything just seemed to mesh together and she couldn't fully distinguish one person from another. "What's going on, Colette? What happened?"

"O - oh, um. . ." She had to think up something and quick. But what could she say? Even now her back was tingling, was burning in a fire she couldn't drown out. She might collapse from that soon but she wouldn't want everyone to see, wouldn't want them to realize. . . "I'm sorry. Um, I thought I saw a spider. It was, hm. . . in the window."

"But. . . don't we fight monsters like that all the time?" Lloyd asked with a brow furrowed, though he strode towards her window to inspect the area for her anyway, "Well, there's nothing here now. It may have gotten outside or maybe," and his gaze swung around the room, "it might still be here somewhere. Do you want to switch out for another bed? Or else you can share with one of the other girls if it'll make you feel any safer."

"Um. . . no, that's okay. I - I wasn't really scared. It just shocked me to see it so suddenly," and she giggled again in a way that made it sound as if there was no problem.

"O. . . kay. . ." He wanted to ask her if something else was bothering her, anything, because the Colette he knew had never before voiced concerns over a tiny spider; he was going to do it, too, had opened his mouth and everything. . . and then she gave a very loud, obvious yawn and he knew he would have to wait or else be admonished by the Professor over forcing Colette to stay awake to answer his questions.

Everyone bid her pleasant dreams and she convincingly returned the farewell as she went to close the door to her room behind them and then fell onto her mattress.

Even as her friends walked away from her, down the hall, and even though she'd long-since lost her gifted hearing, she could make out Genis and Lloyd's voices muffled from beyond the door.

"I still don't get it; I mean, we fight stuff like that all the time, and those things are a lot bigger! Colette's never been scared of them, has she?"

"Geez Lloyd, you need to start remembering! Colette's a girl even if she does fight monsters; there are things she's afraid of that she might not even be telling us about! So that's, um, when we might have to, uh, be the smart gentlemen and. . ." He coughed, sounding a little insecure as he finished, ". . . figure it out for ourselves. That way. . . if, you know, her fears get revealed like this then we don't somehow make her uncomfortable about admitting them. . ."

The next things he said were directed at Presea and Colette found that she had automatically stopped listening.

_"--there are things she's afraid of that she might not even be telling us about!" _The half-elf child had said it by way of making Lloyd reconsider his insensitivity but he'd had no idea how right he'd been, had he. . . ?

She was just so - desperately - afraid. She could lose everything they'd become, could lose _him_. And because of what? It would be because she would care more for his happiness, his distress, worry, fears - all of it - above anyone else's. And Lloyd? Well, she supposed that the reason they'd grown to be so close over the years was because he'd assumed the two of them were the same. He had known her before and at the time of her previous Journey of Regeneration, during which she'd been faithful to her mission, to the feelings of everyone in Sylvarant who were seeking salvation. She had been so good, so selfless. . . That's what he thought of her anyway and she knew that so well.

Just like how she knew she could never measure up to his expectations; she would surely fail him, like she had failed being the Chosen of Regeneration. She had faced her trials and somehow survived, and there were times when she felt redeemed by Lloyd's words, still others when the faces of people she'd met while on her pilgrimage came to mind. They had expected the world to be saved, had been waiting, been _needing _it. And she'd let them down in the most thorough and fantastic way.

But despite that she couldn't help wanting to keep these feelings swelling within her heart. Her soul constantly ignited when she thought of him and her mind raced so much, at such a degree. How could she impress upon him what she felt? Worse yet, how could she hide it from him when knowing what he'd do or say when he found out? She would rather keep him like this while deceiving him her true self.

Because it meant that she could keep him _at all_.

OoOoO

**Notes **- Okay, so it's a day late. . . but that's pretty good when you consider my past record! Lol. Actually, this chapter is very, _very_ important to me because there's a part in it that was the _very first _scene I wrote for the story. It was that scene that made me sure I had to keep writing it and, originally, it was going to be the intro. . . but then I decided I wanted the story to weave through Colette's tale of how she got sick and lost her powers, not just relying on any flashbacks to scenes when she realized something was missing. Now the story is moving forward for her too, like it is for us and the other characters. Tee hee. Sorry I make such simple things sound so complicated. I read _way _too much manga.

Also, I wanted to make note of something. I realized during my editing that there was an indescrepancy in the plot. Originally, I had made Colette and everyone face a _Bear _or something, but then changed it to a _Carnivorous Plant._ In the game, these monsters are only found in Torent Forest - (there's a lot of mention of that place in this chapter, isn't there?) - but then when they got out of the battle, they were on the Southeastern end of the Fooji continent. I know it's wrong, but I wanted them to face that monster and I couldn't think of anything more likely that I'd have liked to change it to so. . . it stays. Sorry! On the other hand, if you think about it in real-time, the only reason the Carnivorous Plant is in just the Torent Forest while the Bears are around the Fooji Mountains, it's because of the character levels at the time the player reaches these places in the game. Try fighting a Carnivorous Plant around level thirty-five or forty, which is an average of where you'd be when you first get to Tethe`alla. It's a toughie, I'm sure. Well, I'm not sure, but I can imagine, and sympathize.

Anyway, that's it. I think. I hope so anyway because I've worked the past six days straight and I'm dead tired. I don't know _how _other people do it. . . Man, I just wanna hit the hay. Oh, and just for the fun of it. . . Guess who's gonna be twenty-one in two months? Yay me!

. . . Okay, that's it. Please review people!


	7. Ni Itai Suru : Worthy

**Author **- Chibi / Warlordess

**Notes **- Oh my, I've been slowly but surely working my way up to this fic for so many months now that I'm actually scared of writing it for fear that I'll be disappointed in myself. . . Still, I really liked the idea. . . I mean, Colette suffers (can you believe I'm a huge fan?) and Lloyd saves her, and it's all about the feelings, let alone a physical illness that comes into play and might or might not have something to do with Cruxis. . . Whoo. . . ! I'm so excited and pumped now!

Okay, so please read and review honestly! This is going to be my first Colloyd confession fic (if all goes well) out of. . . How many has it been now? Like, four or five? I've been wanting to do this _for-ev-er_. Lol. So. . . that's it! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer **- I wish, most sincerely, that I owned Tales of Symphonia. That OVA would have finished if I did, damnit! And Colloyd? Yeah, that would have really, totally, completely happened. And Sheena would have obviously warmed up to Zelos. . . Not to mention Presea and Genis. . . (I still want to write my one-shot idea on them anyway; hopefully it's not too farfetched, and maybe it wasn't even a one-shot. I can't remember anymore.)

OoOoO

**Tales of Symphonia **- "Angelus Tainted"

**Summary **- The Chosen of Regeneration had not been since the time Lloyd said he would save her. And yet, Colette agonizes when she begins to realize her greatest wishes aren't for the good fortune of everyone around her, but rather for a specific someone. . . And now, Cruxis has turned her away as the one with the power to regenerate Sylvarant. Colloyd.

**Part Seven** - "But I Don't Deserve the Light"

OoOoO

"Doesn't it bother you, Colette?" He asked.

"What?" She was confused; the question had come so suddenly.

_So many people would tell her they were impressed with the words she spoke and the actions she took, even Lloyd. So she kept the truth to herself, didn't even realize it in fact until a particular person also told her how good she was, how honest and deserving of her title. She was the Chosen of Regeneration after all. She'd been taught since birth how to feel compassion towards the general population of Sylvarant, how to think indiscriminately for everyone she would ever meet, or even _not _meet._

_But then Zelos, the Chosen of the parallel world of Tethe`alla, told her he had been impressed. He'd openly expressed his disdain towards being the Chosen, and his personality made it impossible it seemed to find somebody - anybody - else's qualities redeemable. But then Colette had spewed out some words of wisdom based on her own travels in Sylvarant._

"You know. . . being the Chosen. It's your own life! Don't you wish you could live it the way you want to?"

"I'm living freely. Everyone is searching for a way so I don't have to sacrifice myself."

_But when he told her that impressed him, that he could never be capable of that himself, she realized that she must have been fooling herself anyway, and admitted to him as much. Those words. . . were just words. She said them _because _they impressed her audience, not because she meant them. It was so hard, but just as she'd told Lloyd once before, since the time she had begun having friends, she had feared death with a great passion. And she had feared loneliness while fueled by the open friendships offered by those people traveling with her in the beginning. She wondered what everyone else would say to her if they found out. She worried but, as a testament to Zelos's obvious distaste towards the title of Chosen, felt she could tell him how she really felt without him looking down on her too much._

". . . But. . . what if there isn't any way?"

"We'll worry about that when the time comes. Even if I lose my body, my heart will still be free. So I want the world to become a happy place, just like my heart desires."

_After all, they were the same, weren't they? Both were faced with a burden when it came down to being the Chosen, when it came to making a sacrifice to save their respective world. But Colette had realized very early on in life that placing value in everybody's right to live made the most sense; it was the best way to help come to terms with having to die, wasn't it? To come up with a reason why._

_And it was all the easier because Lloyd continued to convince her that she was doing the right thing; she was making all of the choices he would have made if ever faced with those same situations._

_But now that she thought of it, as brave as he thought she was, as proud as he'd said he'd been, he hadn't let her go through with it. It was interesting; the Chosen would always travel to release the seals sheltered and assisted by the priests of the Church of Martel. But when those who would've accompanied her had died at the hands of the Renegades, Kratos had stepped forward as the professional who would join her. . . And Lloyd, too. Maybe his reaction to learning she would die was why friends and family had never traveled with a Chosen of Regeneration before._

"You're amazing Colette. I could never be like that." The words hit her hard and she found that they were far more honest than her own.

". . . No. I just talk like that. If it came down to it, I'm sure I couldn't do it. Hehehe. I'm a pretty pathetic Chosen." Her head bowed in shame; would he judge her due to her sincerity?

_It worked - made sense - right?_

_The priests of the Church had been well-versed in the scriptures history and Cruxis had given them, so well-versed in fact so as to train themselves into thinking that the preservation of many was priority over the sacrifice of one person - the Chosen. It was just the way it was._

_But Lloyd, her friend of so many years who had even exclaimed his excitement at seeing her regenerate the world, had turned his back on that so simply _because _she would die. He had wanted her to stay. It either meant something very important - meaning maybe _she _meant something important - or it was just the first of many situations that had lead to proving what kind of person he was._

_No reason for anyone to die meaninglessly._

_No prejudice against the lives that should hold such clear value from the moment they're born._

_A world united not only by the resurrected great Kharlan tree but also by the people who reside in that world._

_Colette did not question Lloyd or his convictions. . . but she did have to ask herself if it was possible for the world to be changed so simply._

". . . No, you really are amazing. Compared to you, I. . ." But he wouldn't continue, and Colette knew not to press Zelos for answers he didn't want to give.

OoO

Colette's few hours of sleep were punctured by her snapping awake in pain every once in awhile. She would lay, panting as though deprived of breath, hands clutching at her sheets, rigid until the sounds of calm and blanket of night lulled her to sleep again.

She wondered if anyone could hear her through the walls. The problem with sleeping in an unfamiliar place was that she didn't know what sounds could make it through and what couldn't. So she bit her lip - almost bit _through _her lip - and tried to perfect her technique for absolutely silent screaming. At some point during her journey, enduring pain both physical and emotional had become easier to bear, but it had been awhile.

Because this person could tempt herself to feel things freely, she could get away with it, or else go on even knowing what would become of her in the end. This person was so rebellious, so brave. . . And then Colette was scared, terrified really, because she knew that wasn't really the case. She did know now what was going on, and she wondered, and she worried. Could anything stop this? Would she allow it to do so?

There was the voice in her head telling her she deserved to lose all of her control now, what little bit she still had. It stemmed from the part of her that still knew itself to be the daughter of the mana lineage, the Chosen, the one who should've sacrificed herself to save the world.

"--Colette, pay attention!" A voice shouted right before a light flashed in her eyes and the owner of that voice collided with her head-on and they both landed in the dirt, ". . . Damn! Colette, are you okay? Agh, jeez. . ." Sheena quickly flicked her strength into her wrists, flipping on them and backwards, over and over a few times until she landed gracefully on her feet a slight distance away. But she didn't dash forward again just yet, waiting for an answer.

"I - I'm okay; I'm sorry." Colette blinked bemusedly, hardly remembering that the group had approached a battle. There was a strange ringing in her ears accompanying the pain in her shoulders and back attributed to her wings vanishing. Other than that, she was relatively okay, so she hadn't been lying.

"It's fine, but. . ." Sheena wanted to say something more, they both knew it, but this just wasn't the time. The Golden Dragon approached, unleashing a white fire that spread across the barren field, ". . . Look, I need you up there. Can you hold him off for a minute?"

Colette nodded and took action, dashing forward while Sheena meditated to one of her tarot cards. Genis was casting an ice spell to absorb the fire-power. She jumped high and lashed out with her chakrams while Raine began to cast Nurse. The dragon flinched and dropped closer to the ground and the blond Chosen took advantage of the moment.

"Paraball! Triple Ray Satellite!" She shouted, caught her breath, and began to combo again. "Ray Thrust! Paraball! Grand Chariot!"

"Ready. . . ?" Sheena asked, "Tethe`-seal!" A white-blue light enveloped her and she ran forward too, her weapon now enhanced with the power of ice. She and Colette kept the monster at bay, huddled close to the ground.

"Help is on the way. . . Nurse!" Raine shouted at last, the staff she used to concentrate raised high into the air. Shadows of green light danced around the field, encircling them before melting into their skin like snowflakes, but there was no moisture. And suddenly everyone felt more energetic, especially Genis, who used the catalyst as a means to finish his own spell.

"Absolute!" A temple of ice rose drastically from the ground and smashed through the Golden Dragon, which let out one last deflated growl and burst of flame before fainting to the ground.

It was over very suddenly, Lloyd and the others running to them to wish them congratulations on their victory. Colette was pleased, she admitted it, feeling like she'd actually done something this time around. It was exciting, wasn't it? But then she saw the awkward way Sheena was holding her right arm.

"Oh. . . Oh no, Sheena; what happened to it?" Colette asked, though she knew the answer already, and she dreaded it.

"Oh, um, nothing really." The summoner tried to hide her ailment but it was fairly impossible with everyone around her. If one person couldn't see then surely another could. And it was obvious that she had burned her arm in battle, probably while protecting Colette from the hailstrom of fire. "I mean, it. . . it's really not so bad, the ice element dulled the pain a lot." She waved her hand around airily to prove a point but Lloyd grabbed it and she flinched while he began an inspection.

"Well, it's obviously not okay," he said and let her wrist go. She hissed, her face red, and held her palm closer. "Hm. . . Panecea Bottles don't really work for burns, do they? Hey, does Mizuho have any sort of cure-all we could apply?"

"Well, yeah, of course." She scoffed through a flush of bright red too; apparently she had forgotten that. "But won't it take too long to go there from here? It's on a completely different continent." The point of her questions was obvious. It was always hazardous traveling with an injured ally. On the ground it risked having to battle unprepared and unfocused; in the air there were worries too, such as that very same ally slipping up and falling to their death. "And you guys need to keep training, don't you? I'll just sit the rest of the day out. I can deal with that if it's the best plan."

"If you think you can handle it - hm. . . We can still use the Rheairds. They would cut our travel-time by more than half. You can ride with me if you want, just so you don't have to worry about anything like the climate. I'll make sure you're as comfortable as possible." Trust Lloyd to not take any chances when it came down to his friends' health, unlike anything else he could risk.

"O - oh, okay. . ." If Sheena's face managed to get any redder she'd probably burst into flames. Colette felt something ripple in her chest at that moment as they turned around and began to walk towards the sea and a very sharp flare of pain bit at her back. To keep from looking suspicious, she pretended to trip (which everyone couldn't help but buy when thinking of her history) and fell flat, face-forward onto the ground.

"Hey, Colette! Are you okay?" Genis asked, kneeling down beside her. Lloyd and Sheena followed suit, then Presea and everyone else.

It took an extra moment for her to focus hard enough to voice a clear answer.

"Um, yeah. . . I'm fine." She held out a hand and found that Lloyd's met her halfway to help her up. She turned to Sheena, feeling guilty as a result of the elation that had burst through her for that split second before - and before even _that_, the jealousy. "I'm sorry," she said pointedly to the summoner.

Sheena was a little confused. She couldn't help it. But she gave the answer she correctly assumed the blond Chosen wanted to hear.

"But it's okay, Colette, really. It's not your fault. I couldn't blame you for it anyway." She patted the younger girl on the shoulder with her good arm as Colette dusted herself off, her other arm basically useless and hanging at her side, "Besides, soon we'll be in Mizuho, and I know at least one of our special remedies could have this fixed in a couple of days."

Colette smiled up at her from the side, despair in her own eyes. The pain was getting worse, so much worse; she only wished that what Sheena had forgiven her for and what she'd been apologizing for in the first palce had been the same thing.

So the group reached the edge of the continent and boarded the Rheairds two at a time; Lloyd with Sheena as promised, Raine with Genis, Regal with Zelos (much to the Tethe`alla Chosen's disappointment), and Presea with Colette. The blond got on first and took the seat up front, intending to steer, but Presea's words reached her ears.

"Are you alright, Colette? I've been noticing something about you recently, the way you walk. It's different than before. Is something wrong?" Well, yes. It was not so much an actual limp as it was that she was trying to ease herself into taking each and every step so that the pain minimized itself.

"Oh no, not really," her breath hitched at what was coming, "I mean, I feel a little guilty right now because Sheena's hurt but. . . I'm sure that's all." She straightened out her back and hoped it would put a stop to Presea's questions.

"But I wasn't talking about anything recent. . ." The younger girl was cut off.

". . . Colette! Presea! C'mon, we need to get to Mizuho fast, right? There's someone there who has to go find the herbs to blend them together for the ointment before Sheena can use it!" Lloyd shouted from the air above them.

Colette grabbed ahold of the reins and Presea maintained her silence as she got on. Immediately the Chosen from Sylvarant knew she'd made a mistake just as soon as the younger girl's arms encircled her waist. If she were in pain at random times and for an unclear length of time then nothing worsened it as much as constant pressure. It began to tingle against her nerves and that odd tingling grated against the pain enough to make Colette start to tremble.

"Colette. . ." Presea started cautiously but the rest of her words were abandoned when the blond Chosen forced a laugh.

"Heheh. . . It's kind of cold up here, isn't it?" Then, in a more somber tone, she added, "I hope Sheena's okay."

Presea's grip seemed to slacken and the next thing the two of them knew, everyone else had begun their descent outside of the shinobi village of Mizuho. They jumped down to the ground and smoothed themselves over, their ruffled hair and wrinkled clothes. Lloyd and Raine helped Sheena down, worried that the summoner might aggravate her injury. She was pale in the face, a little winded looking, but held her breath.

"We'll have to talk to Puninja, the owner of Toyama; he'll send out his partner to fetch the herbs. We can't stock them up because unless they're blended right away, they're useless later. The wilt only hours after being picked, but when liquefied they can be stored to last," she sighed, knowing she was inconveniencing them, "for a few days anyway."

"Hey Sheena!" Lloyd clapped her on the back and forced her to look at him. "Don't sound that way. I'd rather take the time to know we're in tip-top shape before rushing in, rather than trying it blindfolded. You're never any trouble so I don't want you to think you are either." Colette blinked, unable to help the bite at her memory. Those words were a little familiar weren't they? So they. . . weren't just for her. . . ?

Everyone seemed to coo at the sentimentality for an extra moment longer, everyone except for Colette anyway, whose slightly laborious breathing had silenced itself immediately. The prickling electric fire continued to ache, her very bones feeling wary, but all of it seemed so far away as she continued to worry about the scene before her.

"Colette, are you alright?" Presea whispered, a slightly chilled hand coming to rest on her forearm, "You look pale."

It took Colette every ounce of inner strength she had not to shake the young girl off but she did succeed. Somewhere in her head she was trying to come up with an answer, a justification, but the rest of her had been taken over by a faint buzzing and a single concentrated thought.

Lloyd and Sheena. . . they were in their own little world. Colette had thought only _she _and Lloyd could pull that off with such clear success but. . . there they were - him laughing at her bashful words, which she was trying hard to speak without stuttering. And everyone else seemed enamored with the soft affection shown throughout the situation; they couldn't pry their eyes away, hadn't even heard the question Presea had asked _her _out of fear for _her _health.

Something in Colette broke away from the rest of her in that instant. She had never even considered - never even _entertained _- the possibility that she might not be the only one. . . that Lloyd would acknowledge as the one closest to him. It had always been the two of them above all others, but while fighting Cruxis they had met so many people, made so many friends, and there were so many strong and independent and attractive _girls_. . . How could Colette even hope to compete with her modest fashion sense and simple beauty?

A very foreign wave of envy overcame her. She had felt jealous before, yes, but this one was so strong that she could feel her mind racing and words forming and fists clenching. . . She wanted to hurt Sheena, to tear her away from Lloyd with dialogue, with conflict!

It horrified her - she would have _never_. . . but then, that was before, wasn't it. . . ? Now it seemed she was capable of any foul action. It terrified her; how scary that she could think such nasty and unforgivable things. And she really didn't want to do those, did she? She was so afraid of losing Lloyd that she felt the strength to lash out at anyone who would take him away.

She was so much more courageous now, but only in all of the worst ways. And she decided to change that, quite suddenly, because she knew - simply _knew -_ that she could at least try. Because the only one who could stop her was herself, right?

So, step one was to try and gain back the sympathy she used to feel for absolutely everyone, but that she only seemed to be able to feel for Lloyd now. And Sheena's situation tailored to those hopes so well, didn't it?

". . . It's going to be fine, you know?" Sheena laughed a short while later in the chief's hut, "Kurogane is good at finding what's necessary. It's what he's trained for all this time."

"Kurogane? Hah! That sounds like a dog's name, doesn't it?" Lloyd laughed too.

"He is," Sheena blinked as though this had been obvious all along, "Kurogane is the guardian of Toyama while the owner is sleeping or away on a mission. He also protects the village; he knows the surrounding land really well and he alerts us to any foreign scents. That is, people or monsters or things that are unfamiliar to him and, therefore, also unfamiliar to the land."

"But. . . isn't that, you know, a lot of responsibility to be putting on a _dog_?" Genis asked, awed by her explanation and the historical logic of the shinobi villagers.

"When you think about it, isn't that a perfect role for a dog? They protect their masters, whoever they may be loyal to, and use their keen senses to survive, let alone thrive. It comes naturally to them and that's why they can be trained. Then it isn't only a lifestyle - it's a purpose," Vice-Chief Tiga said, then took a sip from his tea.

"I guess that's a good point."

"Yeah, that's kind of cool. You know what?" Lloyd asked, suddenly excited about something, "Noishe would be a great shinobi dog!"

"Hahah, you know Lloyd, we _could _train him to be one. He's big, too, so he'd have physical strength on his side, and he's quick."

". . . But I thought we already established that Noishe wasn't even a dog," Genis interrupted lamely, "Remember? In Hiemdall?"

"Oh, yeah. . . Hm, but still," and Lloyd seemed finished with the immediate topic, turning a wide and excited grin on Colette, "isn't it cool? We should have Kurogane fight with us! I bet he'd be pretty tough to beat, don't you think Colette?"

"Um," Sheena started, "I don't know about that. He may be fast but he's still small; there's not much endurance in him."

"Oh, but. . ." Colette blinked, "Um, who's Kurogane?"

Everyone turned to look at her, and they were so shocked by her innocent curiosity that they couldn't even laugh at it.

"He's the village guardian," Sheena repeated, "You know, he spends most of his time sitting outside of Toyama, protecting the items that we've collected or made to sell there."

Colette blinked again and then crossed her eyes in thought. They waited patiently for her to remember and, a moment later when her face lit up, they knew she must have found the answer.

"Oh. . . ! You must be talking about Tiggy!" She giggled and continued, "He's so cute, isn't he?"

They sweatdropped; apparently Colette hadn't been paying very much attention to the conversation before now. But before they could say anything in reply to her off-topic statement, Chief Igaguri approached them carrying a large bowl and a clean rag.

"You should rinse out the burn with this water. A warrior always knows when and how to protect their body from harm. They've started to prepare the ointment. Soon you'll be back to fighting Mithos and Cruxis. You will not want to burden your friends at that time because you did not take this opportunity to concentrate on your physical health."

"Grandpa. . ." Sheena murmured, though not out of embarrassment or insult. She loved and respected him after all. "I understand."

"I hope you get better, Sheena!" Colette said aggressively – so much so that everyone turned to stare at her for an extra moment, "I want you to be healthy again! And I'll help you with anything you need! Just ask!"

Sheena couldn't help but laugh. Colette had her hands bundled as fists in front of her, her gaze sharp and focused, her mouth straight and narrow. It was both funny and scary. But it also made her wonder. . . if only a little. Colette was always one to be concerned for her friends, one to be concerned for _everybody_ really, but this seemed to take it all to a whole new level. Just who was she trying to prove herself to, after all? As if they didn't already know what kind of person she was. . .

"Ah, no Colette. It's okay, really. I don't think there's much that can be done except to use that medicine and cold water to keep the pain down and help the burn to heal." Sheena shrugged. It was still hurting, obviously – the cold water she was running over her arm made her skin prickle like small needles were poking at her from the inside out, "But, you know, thanks for the offer. I'll be fine; I mean, you all worried so much that you brought me immediately here. I couldn't ask for more concerned friends!" And she laughed a little to try and lighten the mood, waving her good hand around casually.

About an hour later, Puninja approached them, a small sealed jar in his hand. They asked him about the shop – if he wasn't there, then who was watching it?

"Kurogane has eyes and ears everywhere – it's fine." He started, and then held up the jar to show them the contents, "I suggest you start using it now if you want to prevent a scar from showing. You'll have enough there for about a week, give or take. Remember to use it on a clean body, massage it in thoroughly, and cover it after, twice daily. If it doesn't improve fast enough then come back and we'll try to make a stronger solution."

"Okay; got it."

They were all leaving the village together to board the Rheairds later when Zelos cleared his throat, having something important to say.

"You know, Sheena, I'd be more than happy to help you massage that ointment in. In fact, maybe I should help you clean up, too. I would hate for you to have to miss a spot, especially if—"

Sheena had turned pink, and was slowly getting pinker. She looked like she was holding her breath, and seemed at least a little bit humiliated by his words. But that didn't stop her from getting angry as well.

"You're so perverted and you don't even feel the slightest bit ashamed either!" She exclaimed but refrained from hitting him. She might do more damage to herself if she tried to use her hand and aiming with her knee or foot seemed. . . somehow cruel, even for him.

Zelos continued to laugh even after she finished telling him off but she ignored him and boarded her Rheaird, Presea taking the front seat for her this time, but they were stopped by Lloyd's words.

"You know. . . Zelos may have a point," everyone turned to look at him incredulously except for Zelos, who seemed proud, and Colette. "Huh. . .? What's everybody looking at. . .? Wait! No! No, no – I didn't mean _that_ part!"

"Then what did you mean, Lloyd?" Professor Raine asked, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

"Well, Sheena was told to clean up before putting that stuff on, right? And not doing it right could compromise her recovery, so maybe somebody _should_ watch her bathe." And, when he finally finished, everybody was back to staring him down, "Wait! No, I didn't mean me either! I – I was just saying that maybe the girls could – you know – _together_. . ." Zelos was about ready to break out into laughter again, and Genis too, though he was a bit disgusted. But it was always fun to see Lloyd put himself in a predicament. Sheena and the Professor were shaking their heads as he finally showed his "true colors" to them.

"You mean that you want us to keep an eye on her because you're worried that she might not take well enough care of herself."

The statement came from Presea, who was the only one who seemed able to see everything at face value.

"Y – yeah, that's what I was saying." And he seemed really relieved that someone had understood that too.

"Oh," Sheena didn't sound like she trusted anymore of her own words, a little red and flustered in the face, so she kept her reply short and simple, "That's what you meant."

"So, because of that, maybe we should go somewhere with a public bath?" He asked next, glancing at everyone in turn, "It'll be a lot easier for you all to be in one place, won't it?"

"Do you mean the hot springs?" Genis asked. Lloyd nodded and everyone else seemed to give their silent approval to the idea. They made sure they had everything packaged securely, then reboarded the Rheairds two at a time. Unlike earlier, however, Colette rode behind Lloyd.

This meant she had her arms tightly wound around _him_, and in some part of her subconscious, she seemed to be taking advantage of it. Her face was buried in his back and the contentment - crippled with the anxiety - shortened any exaggerated breath she might have had before. This felt good, this felt _so _good, and she knew it was right.

But then, that was a lie, wasn't it? She could tell Lloyd was slightly burdened by her position while he was trying to steer North, and at the same time he accommodated her. And she remembered what she'd been planning all day.

Step one was to try and gain back the sympathy she used to feel for absolutely everyone. She had at least taken a step forward by gravitating towards Sheena so much earlier, despite the little voice in her head that sent a warning through her that part of it - if not all of it - was in response to _Lloyd's _sympathy.

Step two, then, would be to learn emphasis for her own emotions and to urge their independence from his.

She had to separate herself from Lloyd.

Immediately, her grip on him loosened. She had to do it, she could do it, she was sure she could. But. . . how come it could hurt so much if it ever seemed like Lloyd was distancing himself from her and yet it agonized her more when she tried to do the same to him?

Maybe it was because, even know, everything she was doing was being done with selfish intentions. Maybe it was simpler, she'd always hated being apart from him, had always felt anxious when he wasn't around. Maybe she just knew without a doubt - and she did - that this entire thing was a fiasco, it was impossible, she was sure--

"--Colette?" Lloyd's voice shook her from her spiraling thoughts. He was still steering the Rheaird skyward, North, but had craned his neck awkwardly to face her, and was grinning assuredly as he did so, "Hey, Colette, is something wrong? You let go of me. For a second, I thought you were gonna fall. You should pay more attention when we're up in the air like this."

"Hehe, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry." She smiled back at him but her thoughts were miles away again. She had just realized that, despite her best efforts to protect herself and the rest of them, she had heard that question a lot lately. She wasn't a very good actress, was she? Not if the words, "Are you alright?" (or any variation of the term) had such a main role in every conversation she was a participant in.

"You should hold me tighter, I think," he continued and removed one hand from the steering tool to show her. She blinked as she felt the tug on one of her arms, then the other, until both stretched the rest of the way around his waist, her fingers laced all around themselves, "Yeah, like this," he finished and his lips widened further.

"Oh. . . yes. Um, thanks Lloyd." Her long hair whipped around her and at her face but she couldn't feel the sting or the chill of the air. Of course, she had partially braced herself before they'd taken off from the ground - both for the flight and the close proximity with Lloyd - but it couldn't have all been from that, right? Her heart pounded and her breath bated, and her hands still tingled from when he'd touched them a moment ago.

A moment too long ago.

Step one had been to gain back the sympathy she used to feel for absolutely everyone.

Step two had been to slowly but surely separate herself from Lloyd.

Step three was to use every last bit of might she had in her and grasp control of herself and the situation. She had to change this, she was the only one who could. . . right?

"Oh, hey, we're here!" Lloyd said loudly enough for her to assume it was for her benefit, and she looked up, and then remembered that it was more likely she'd have to look down. She took in the small island, a corner of which had been cleared of trees and replaced with a House of Guidance. The closer they got to the ground the more she could see the steam rising from the small pools of water.

Everyone touched down as smoothly as possible, Colette somehow landing first - and on her feet, imagine that! Lloyd gave her a funny look but she laughed it off.

_Keep your distance_, she told herself as the hair on the back of her neck began to prickle. She was going back to the way she'd been before, she was going to be who she was meant to be, and nothing could stop her. That "her" was the one everyone knew and accepted wasn't it? And it was all she deserved to be. This "her" just had to disappear, otherwise she would be rejected! And she couldn't be, she couldn't bear it!

"Hey, what happened?" Lloyd started to ask her but his inquiries were drowned out almost instantly by the others.

"Lloyd, we're here now aren't we? Should we be standing around wasting time? Sheena could be getting worse while this goes on." Zelos said to him.

"But. . . Colette. . ." Lloyd replied, though it died in his throat right after, ". . . Yeah, you're right, Zelos. Okay guys, split up for now. Professor, could you, Presea, and Colette join Sheena in the hot springs as soon as possible? Then maybe you can help her apply the ointment to her burn. I'm sorry but you're the only one here who will know exactly what they're doing."

"No, it's fine. You're right, Lloyd, it should be me who supervises anything medically-related. Are you in agreement that we should meet back here in ten minutes to get in the hot springs? And Genis," for the first time she turned all of her attentions to one person - her brother, "I'm leaving you with a great responsibility, alright?" Everyone seemed to be waiting for it, what she was going to tell him. And then, "I need you to keep an eye on Zelos. His eyes and hands have a way of wandering where they shouldn't."

Sheena scoffed - it was an understatement, after all - but remained in silent agreement. Genis nodded and said he would do as she asked. Everybody walked upstairs and ordered a few rooms, the female party members all marching into the same one to change out of their clothes and bag the necessities for the spring.

Colette was the first one to reach the door to their room but, at the last minute, she pulled her hand away from the doorknob and turned to face the rest of them with one of her brightest-ever smiles.

"Um, I'm sorry, I really am. . . but I'm sort of tired. I don't really feel like taking a bath right now. But if you want, I can go make dinner for us." She didn't look anyone in the eyes, finding herself fixated on their hair or their shoulders or the wall behind them.

"But Colette, wouldn't this be good for you too?" Sheena asked blankly, one eyebrow quirked. "You don't seem to be scratching your back anymore but what if that rash, or whatever it was, comes back? You finally got rid of it, didn't you?"

"Oh, it won't. I'm sure it won't." They all looked at her still and she attempted to rephrase her statement, "I mean, I'm pretty sure it won't. It's been gone for so long now so. . . and I could be more helpful in the kitchen facilities, couldn't I? That way, as soon as you're all finished, we can eat and go to bed. Tomorrow won't be any less busy than today."

"And. . . you're sure you'll be okay? I mean, you deserve to relax just as much as we do. But then," Sheena broke off and seemed to be thinking it over, "I guess going to bed is just as relaxing as a hot bath, isn't it?"

"Alright, Colette, if you really want that - if it's what you think you need - then by all means. . . You go right ahead. Please make something healthy for us. Make it savory to our taste buds."

Colette felt something peculiar in the Professor's words, a form of judgment in her tone. She was gauging her pupil's reaction to her words.

"Okay, I've got it," but she blew it off with the finest of ease, "I have it all planned out."

Minutes and then hours passed by. It was soon discovered by Raine and Presea that Sheena's burn was worse than they'd feared. It still wasn't life-threatening but it was enough to put them out of commission for a couple of days while she soothed away the tingling aches with the ointment received in Mizuho.

"It. . . stretches all the way up her arm?" Lloyd asked and took a bite of his curry which, unfortunately for him, Colette had added too much spice to. "Ah. . . ! Eh. . ." He looked down at it, then back up at her. She had frozen in place when it had been revealed just how bad Sheena was hurt, and had frozen worse than even that when everybody had taken their first few bites of her curry and then stopped to stare at it curiously.

"Um. . . I - I'm sorry. I got sort of distracted while I was working on it." Yeah, she had, while considering her close call with the public bath earlier that day. Her secrets had almost gotten out. "My hand slipped. . . I hope it tastes okay."

"Of course!" Lloyd said adamantly, causing everyone to jump. "I mean, of course it is. It tastes great! Um, it's just how I like it. And I'm sure it's the same for everyone, right guys?"

They all looked at each other, then back at Colette, slowly nodding and agreeing or else taking their next bite to prove it tasted at least acceptable. And Colette knew they were lying. . . but she was flattered that they'd lie for the sake of her ego. It was more than she deserved. And Lloyd had been the first to defend her from her mistake, which--

--Which shouldn't matter to her like it was. If she were the Chosen - even if only by birth title and justified by the Cruxis Crystal around her neck - then she should be equally grateful towards anybody who would accept her despite her imperfections.

The rest of the meal was strangely silent through the efforts made to strike up conversation. They talked about how much stronger everyone had gotten, how weird it was that they hadn't heard from Mithos for so long because, well, he always made a point to keep some sort of tab on them.

Colette refused to speak on the matter, mostly because it would include also divulging secrets about what was happening to her.

And after the meal she stiffly offered to do the dishes - well, she _was _the one who cooked - while the guys went to bathe and the Professor agreed to check on Sheena's ointment application. But even as she stood there alone, she found it extremely hard to simply remain conscious. There was a faint buzzing that drowned out everything else and she was lucky nobody had attempted to talk to her.

After everything was dry and set aside she decided it was finally time to go to sleep. She hadn't been lying earlier that day when she'd said she was tired, but she hadn't been completely honest either. . . had she?

She flinched from a slight shiver of pain that ricocheted up the nerves of her back but it wasn't so bad this time around. She wondered if she was just so tired that nothing else - no other emotions or senses - penetrated through that, but it was hard even to focus too long on that one thought process.

Slowly, blearily, through half-closed eyes and squeaking and aching limbs that screamed to finally be still, she stumbled up the stairs. If she could have found it in herself to consider it fully, she would have taken the chance to ask herself where all of her energy had gone. Honestly, it fluttered away so suddenly - suspiciously - and left her deprived of anything. She was sure that it took most of what she had in her to walk and breath alone; it was just so unnatural.

After what felt like several hours later (though it had only been a minute or two), she had found herself standing beside the door leading to her own bed. Desperately, she wished she could just _phase _through it somehow, because she wasn't sure she could even lift a hand to turn the doorknob.

". . . you okay?" A voice from seemingly nowhere asked her, ". . . Hello? Colette!" And the blond Chosen blinked, coming to her senses, and turned her head slightly to the right, facing a curious Sheena. "Are you okay? You seem a little out of it."

There was that question again. But she could still fake a smile.

"Oh no; it's okay, Sheena. I'm just really tired by now. I couldn't sleep until," she had just enough wit left within her to come up with a plausible excuse, ". . . until I knew you were going to be okay. I hope you are." She looked up at the older woman, who was surely touched by her sympathy.

"Definitely, I _definitely _am. Don't worry Colette. I mean, I may have gotten hurt protecting you but. . . despite that, I know I'd do it again anytime because you're a great person, a great friend. So, that being said, you're always worth protecting." There was a bright smile on the summoner's face as she said it, even though she was looking highly uncomfortable while still damp and her damaged arm in a makeshift cotton cloth sling.

"Thank you Sheena," Colette found the words had left her mouth before she'd even considered attempting to keep them inside. Even so, she couldn't have done that because she really was moved by that confession. And it made her feel pretty guilty too.

Somehow, her exhaustion - forgotten for just one moment - returned full-fledged. She really wanted to go to sleep.

"You _do _look tired." Sheena continued, and it sounded like she was simply trying to start a conversation - any conversation - because the absolute silence made her uncomfortable, "And pale. You should have gotten in the hot springs with us. They would have, um, soothed you. . . or something."

"Oh, no; it's fine. I just didn't feel like it. I'm grateful for your worrying over me and I," she blushed a bit now, "appreciate what you said about saving me and how you'd do it again. . ." She stepped up to Sheena and found her arms outstretched before she could hold them back, ". . . I really like you Sheena. You're a good friend and I'm glad we got to know each other so well."

Step one had been to gain back the sympathy she used to feel for absolutely everyone.

Step two had been to slowly but sure separate herself from Lloyd.

Step three was to use every last bit of might she had in her and grasp control of herself and the situation.

And now. . . step four to recovery, she had to make peace with herself and these feelings, didn't she?

"O - oh, yea. I obviously feel the same way. I never said it but. . . after I got to know you - like when we were fighting Kvar and meeting the unicorn and releasing the last seal in Sylvarant. . . Even then I said some cruel things to you about how I might still have had to kill you if Remiel and the Cruxis angels couldn't stop Tethe`alla from declining but. . ." She laughed here, Colette's arms losing their grip from around her shoulders. But still, they sat there, ". . . I'm a lousy shinobi, and an even worse emissary of death, because I don't think I could have ever pulled it off. You were just too good a person. You wouldn't have ever deserved to die like that - by me, or Cruxis."

". . . Yeah, I guess I'm a good person, huh?" Sheena didn't respond fast enough and Colette let even her fake smile falter, ". . . Maybe, anyway."

Sheena blinked and gaped silently for a moment, not knowing what to say. And then she sighed, forming a conclusion, and helped Colette ease herself upright again. Neither one of them had even noticed that the blond had stopped hugging her out of appreciation and had instead begun to lean on the older woman more out of desperation.

"Colette, you're tired, and you definitely look it, so go to bed."

"Hehe, you're right Sheena. I'm sorry for keeping you up. I hope I didn't hurt you. . ." She indicated the wounded arm before taking a few steps backwards towards her own door, not turning to face it just yet without reassurance.

"Ah, nah. The lotion mostly numbs it as it heals, so it's fine."

"That's good. . . Um, goodnight."

As the conversation hastily ended, Colette opened the door, stepped into her room and shut it again behind her. And the thought occurred randomly but she knew for sure that it was the honest truth.

After all, she'd done everything she could think of to regain the persona she had once had, the one Lloyd and everyone had accepted. But the voice in her head was back, telling her it was useless, because. . . if this agonizing lethargy was any indication, and with the pain in her spine almost paralyzing at this point. . .she was sure she'd failed, knew it was too late. And what was worse. . .

. . . She feared with near certainty that she would die soon.

OoOoO

**Notes **- Oh, whew! I'm so glad this chapter and the research for it are done! Man, I've just been working so hard, and time kept getting away from me. My mom's birthday is Monday, then mine is the following month. . . But I'm going to try and keep this fic going - there are only _two chapters _left - and have it all finished by the time my birthday rolls around at the beginning of September. Oh, and I figured I'd say it. This chapter expresses my secret feelings towards Sheena. Hah, that sounds so bad. . . Basically, I've seen a lot of shinobi-related series, read a lot of books. . . and she just doesn't tailor to any of it like she needs to. She's definitely not a bad character, but - wow! - she needs a new career path, and _how._

Ah, that reminds me! There was a discussion at the start of the chapter that was supposed to be taking place between Colette and Zelos. For those who don't recognize it, I wanted to let you know that it's from the skit entitled, "Two Chosen." I was so excited to read up on it and incorporate it into my story. I love those discussions that show the sides of characters we rarely get a chance to see! That was a major point in this chapter, too; Zelos being concerned for someone, and Colette knowing that she wasn't nearly as good and brave as other people might think. And I gave Chief Igaguri a line too, didn't I? That's so awesome. . .

And that reminds me of something, too! I don't know what side-quests the readers have unlocked - (I've tried to find and complete everything that I can) - but I wanted to list out all of the things I've done (a lot of which might have had a part in this story, if not by actual use. It maybe have simply been a ripple-effect, but I wanted to put the information out there so it doesn't just seem like I'm pulling these possibilities from thin air. Yes, I am bragging just a little bit. Lol. **If you don't want to hear me rambling about side-quests, some of which are very popular and some of which have not been shown so much, then please stop reading here and either review **(please) **or go back to the page before this.**

OoO

First, really early on, I _rebuilt Luin_. And then I was broke, so I went back to the Temple of Earth and fought the dragon there a lot until I had about 100,000 Gald. You know, just to have it. Lol. Then I started working on _Colette's Dogs_, because I've wanted to get that title for her forever! After that, I worked on costumes. I got every character's individual costume (Raine's "Maiden," Genis's "Katz Katz Katz," Lloyd's "Arrgh, Me Hearties," Sheena's "Successor" - which is also explained more a bit later, Zelos's "Masked Swordsman," Colette's "Maid," Presea's "Dream Traveler," and Regal's "God of the Kitchen"), along with beach costumes and formal party costumes. Of course, Lloyd and Colette were featured in both of those. Tee hee, they're just - _so - _cute! I trained like crazy until I was, like, level 95 so that I could defeat the _Sword Dancer _(final battle) and _Abyssion_. Then I traveled to _Niflheim _to defeat the demons with our Soulfire - (let me be honest, I did not actually destroy the book this time around; I liked that world and I wanted to continue training in it). I also fought _Maxwell _and had him join us.

The following side-quests are not as well known. I discovered them randomly while playing the game my fourth or fifth time and really liked the closure they presented, so I do them again and again everytime I play. The first thing is the _Imperial Research Academy student _in Sybak. He'd given his tuition money to a girl he loved, and that girl ran away with it and (according to rumor), married a rich noble. At some point you run into her, then back into him, and then her, and then him again, and then the both of the them together - whew! - until the complete truth is unlocked. Yay!

Next is _Presea's past_. Well, a small inkling, anyway. I think this one is a little more known, but whatever. Basically you make Presea your avi and enter the nobleman's home at the end of the court where Zelos lives in Meltokio. There's a man next to a piano inside, and a woman by the window next to a harp. She'll talk about how she wants to impress her brother who goes to the Research Academy in Sybak, but her teacher is a hardcase. And Presea thinks they both look familiar (once you actually _find_ the brother in Sybak). Lloyd must make two very obvious choices of conversation. After meeting the brother, head back to the sister again and she'll talk about how a baby sitter from a long, long time ago used to sing to her, and who also influenced her love for music. Interestingly, that was Presea. Go figure.

The third references the costume section above - _Sheena's _"_Successor_," which I said I'd talk about again later. Well, here it is. Talk to Orochi outside of the Vice-Chief's hut, who will then tell you that strange sounds have been coming from inside. Tiga will also say that the Chief has been talking a bit, though not much, and at some point you're requested to go to the Temple of Lightning. There, you'll meet the phenomenon that Chief Igaguri has become, a wandering spirit who is lost in the past and can't find his body. And he's counting the Guardians, some of which have gone missing, because he'd given them to Sheena all that time ago for the failed battle against Volt. Yes, the Guardians were those things she used to fight you those two times, and then to help everyone escape Kvar. Anyway, you'll talk to Igaguri and then head back to Mizuho. And now he's awake! He'll ask to keep Sheena overnight and you have no choice but to agree. The next day you return and Sheena has been accepted as the next Chief of the village. Yay! Oh, there's also a line that happens during this that I use in the next chapter (I think) of my fic. Sheena will try to get the Chief's attention by identifying herself as the child he had found in Gaorrochia Forest so long ago, which interests me greatly because it means she wasn't born in Mizuho. . .

The fourth can take place as early as the defeat of Forcyctus and the Iselia Ranch, I think. Once all of the prisoners are taken back to the village and you're free to wander aimlessly around, a skit will pop up that takes place between Sheena and Lloyd. Sheena will say something feels strangely familiar, though it shouldn't, then hassle Lloyd to tell her where the nearest great source of holy energy is stored and Lloyd will assume she means the Martel Temple. Go there, travel to the top floor where you first found Colette's Cruxis Crystal and met Remiel, and you'll see a beast waiting around. Oh, but wait! It's Corrine! But wait again! It's not necessarily Corrine; it's _the Summon Spirit of heart, Verius_!

The fifth had a role in an earlier chapter (or maybe two, I can't remember) and that is the _Princess Hilda rescue _from the Pope, which also leads to a dinner party and the formal-wear costumes. Yay! Not much to say here; talk to Sebastian (I don't think I spelled that right. . .) in Zelos's house, who will say that the King had sent someone for Zelos and his followers. Hah. Go to Meltokio castle and talk with the King about how Princess Hilda's been taken hostage and how the Pope wants to exchange for Zelos. A couple scenes take place and you see Kate again. You also learn a bit more about Zelos's past - that his mother was killed by a half-elf (who was also a victim of the Pope), which is actually a great reason for his dislike of the race, and not just because it was the way he was brought up, which is something he had told Lloyd at the beginning. Again, I find it all so interesting. . .

There are a few others, naturally. Such as unlocking Dirk's and Altessa's customization abilities (Dirk's got some fabulous items, just so you know), and meeting Seles in the Colosseum and then _beating _Seles in the Colosseum. Then there are the special weapons you can get for Presea and Regal once you reach level 80. Well, that's a lie; you can initiate the situations with the people who would give them the weapons once those characters reach level 80, but you don't actually get them until later on. . .

But I've kept you all way too long, and I'm finally done; I swear. Just stop reading this and go play the game! Or review. Yeah, you should review first, and then go play the game! I hope I didn't ramble for nothing, I hope at least one thing was learned. . . I was just so excited when I started finding all of these hidden little things that weren't introduced in walk-through's (yes, I have looked at a walk-through or two) and I wondered if I was the only one.

Well, anyway, goodbye!


	8. Kurayami :: Darkness

**Author **- Chibi / Warlordess

**Notes **- Oh my, I've been slowly but surely working my way up to this fic for so many months now that I'm actually scared of writing it for fear that I'll be disappointed in myself. . . Still, I really liked the idea. . . I mean, Colette suffers (can you believe I'm a huge fan?) and Lloyd saves her, and it's all about the feelings, let alone a physical illness that comes into play and might or might not have something to do with Cruxis. . . Whoo. . . ! I'm so excited and pumped now!

Okay, so please read and review honestly! This is going to be my first Colloyd confession fic (if all goes well) out of. . . How many has it been now? Like, four or five? I've been wanting to do this _for-ev-er_. Lol. So. . . that's it! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer **- I wish, most sincerely, that I owned Tales of Symphonia. That OVA would have finished if I did, damnit! And Colloyd? Yeah, that would have really, totally, completely happened. And Sheena would have obviously warmed up to Zelos. . . Not to mention Presea and Genis. . . (I still want to write my one-shot idea on them anyway; hopefully it's not too farfetched, and maybe it wasn't even a one-shot. I can't remember anymore.)

OoOoO

**Tales of Symphonia **- "Angelus Tainted"

**Summary **- The Chosen of Regeneration had not been since the time Lloyd said he would save her. And yet, Colette agonizes when she begins to realize her greatest wishes aren't for the good fortune of everyone around her, but rather for a specific someone. . . And now, Cruxis has turned her away as the one with the power to regenerate Sylvarant. Colloyd.

**Part Eight** - "Forgive Me While I Fall to Silent Slumber"

OoOoO

Colette spent the next day or so swimming in and out of consciousness. She lay in bed until the morning after her talk with Sheena, almost afternoon, until Presea and Genis had gone to wake her. Though they found it an impossible task. She couldn't move, wouldn't budge, blinking away the urges to warn them of her deteriorating condition and her own whimpers. The pain lasted through anything else; it was the one thing that woke her up and then it was the one thing that sent her spiraling towards sleep again.

Her bouts of waking only lasted a few moments but she could remember one time at least where she'd felt the cool light weight of a wet rag on her forehead. Her eyes eased open with a bemused flutter and she could just barely distinguish a silver-haired maiden with brown cloth robes.

"Colette, can you hear me?" Raine asked in the tender voice of someone who was caring for someone else, "You've had a fever for the past two days and it's only getting worse. . ." The vision at the corners of her eyes blurred towards darkness, ". . . Please, I need you to stay with me. We have no way of treating you more than this because we don't know what happened to make you sick. . ." The darkness overcame her for a moment but she attempted a level of focus and was able to straighten her back in a stretch, ". . . Colette, I need you to try and answer my questions, alright. . . ?"

Colette opened her mouth to agree, to say something - anything - but there seemed to be no words left in her. Instead a very faint moan gurgled a bit in her throat. Expelling it seemed to devour what little bit of energy she had as well, and her neck twisted to the side as she collapsed again, her ears drenched by the echoes of the Professor calling her name.

"Isn't there something we can do?" Lloyd asked later that night with gritted teeth and clasped hands. He wasn't accustomed to feeling so useless to those around him. Or, at least he wasn't accustomed to _knowing _he was useless to those around him. "I hate sitting here just knowing Colette is suffering! She doesn't deserve that!"

They all agreed with him of course but at this point the majority favored ruling by reason rather than emotion.

"Maybe we could go find a doctor. The one from Flanoir treated Altessa well, and now he's completely recovered! And he was near death before. . ." Sheena noted out loud.

"It's a good idea but, for now, we need something more immediate," Raine started thoughtfully, "Her fever keeps rising. Soon, even in her waking hours, Colette will be too delirious to tell us anything. If she's constantly disoriented we'll only be able to question her for the benefit of an invisible audience. And we won't be able to get any information from her that would be valuable in making her well again."

"Raine, can you heal her at all?" Genis asked, honestly curious.

"If only I could, this would be a lot simpler. But my arts are only used to regenerate natural energy, and to cure valid status effects, such as poison. Whatever Colette has isn't linked to that, the same as her Angel Toxicosis. . ." And the expression on her face turned momentarily thoughtful again, as if she was considering something new.

"But, even so, if it's not poison or something, couldn't it be similar? And if it is, maybe you could still use magic, even if it's only temporary." Lloyd seemed hopeful at the prospect, "I mean, it couldn't hurt, right?"

Raine knew it was true. There had never before been a healing spell that had incidentally ended up hurting its target. But she wondered still if it would do any good. The blond Chosen was feverish, was internally and physically ill, and it was something that originated from her body. Even if her healing arts could stimulate Colette's immune system, which was farfetched enough to speculate about, she was almost positive that it wouldn't be enough to cure her completely. But. . .

. . . But what else could they do right now?

"Alright, Lloyd, I'll give it a try." Raine noted his response, impatient as he jumped from his seat and the first one to gather around the bed. Colette's bed. He was probably very worried for his friend, desperate about the situation, and willing to try just about anything to rectify his mistake of not noticing sooner that something was wrong. It was not logical to him, this curious need to do something and the hypothosis that her Revitalize and Recover spells would have an effect; he was so torn up about it that doing _anything _seemed like a good idea.

And it was this that rushed Raine into focusing with her rod in hand and her mana gathering against it, and her fingertips. In the heat of battle under any ordinary conditions, she would feel the pressure necessary to aid those fighting alongside her, to make them well again. And if she were to heal after battles, it would probably be low-grade, flesh wounds that were not a priority, so that the pressure would be off. But she had a feeling that if she took her time now - and she bit back a wry laugh at the thought - Lloyd would probably explode, wouldn't he?

Of course he wasn't the only one worried. That wouldn't make any sense. But he did seem to be the most obvious among them, and so desperate to do something to help that it didn't seem like he really cared or even thought at all about the repercussions.

But she was a little impressed that he could fundamentally care so much for any of them.

"_Recover_. . . !" Raine let the one word fall from her lips mechanically, routinely. A green light enveloped Colette's still body and the Professor began to concentrate again, this time taking a little longer before raising her scepter slightly above her head as the physical manifestation of her magics wafted outward towards her former pupil, ". . . _Revitalize_!"

The results were nearly instantaneous, thank goodness. The breath expelled from Colette's mouth evened out and her eyelids fluttered open. Then her body convulsed and stretched out, her toes curling and her torso going rigid. Her eyes shut again, clamped tightly closed from the pain and she let out a yelp in agony, then bit down on her lip to keep from making anymore noise.

"Wh - what's wrong with her?" Genis asked fearfully. Lloyd, on the other hand, didn't know what to say. He had requested that Raine try her magic on Colette, to wake her up so that they could ask what was making her so sick. . . It had been his idea and was, therefore, his fault.

Her seizing fit stopped unexpectedly and Colette became aware of her surroundings. Her breath heaved for a few more moments, wild eyes shifting from one person to the next as though she didn't recognize them.

And Lloyd put his hand on her shoulder to calm her, and it worked. He moved his hand up to her forehead, removing the towel that had been nearly tossed from her. He placed it back in the bowl to his right while Sheena saw and understood what he was doing and joined him, leafing her hand softly through Colette's hair.

Finally someone spoke.

"Colette," the Professor tried again, just as she had earlier that day, "Can you hear me now? You've been sick with a fever for almost three days. We need you to tell us anything that might have led up to this happening. If it's food-related or if you came into contact with anyone else recently who also seemed unhealthy. . ." Raine's suggestions of helpful information died in her throat as Colette began to rapidly shake her head, indicating she had no idea, but she had seemed to calm down over all. "Are you sure? You don't know anything?"

She shook her head again, opening her mouth just so to try and say something else but all that came out was a hoarse gurgle. It made sense that her vocal cords would have a small bit of temporary damage after not using them for half a week.

With a strange look on her face, Raine sighed and turned to face everyone else.

"Genis, I want you, Regal, and Presea to stay here. Keep an eye on Colette and make sure you give her anything she needs. The rest of us are. . . going to make some tea for her throat," she finished mysteriously, and though everyone questioned silently why it would take four people to complete such a simple task, the rest of their group left unmentioned followed her obediently from the room.

"If her fever keeps rising, her life will be in danger."

_Again_. Nobody said it but the additional word drifted between them, cutting through the silence.

"We have to do something! Anything! Colette is. . . she's fought so much and withstood so much, just waiting for me to keep my promise and save her! I told her I would so. . . !" Lloyd broke off, clutching his fists and lacking any better words to describe what he felt and what needed to be done.

"What do you expect to do?" Zelos asked, though he was less curious and more trying to explain what was going to happen. "The Professor is far more experienced than the rest of us when it comes to diseases and health-related matters and she doesn't have any idea what's wrong. Colette still has her Cruxis Crystal but all healing arts will do is wake her up and put her in pain. Thinking about it, doctors would probably be able to do even less to help, wouldn't they?"

"I think that maybe Colette knows more than she's letting on." It was a simple statement Sheena had made, thoughtful as she remembered her last private, and otherwise telling, conversation with the blond Chosen.

"No, no; there's no way. I mean," Lloyd laughed though it was slightly choked and uneasy, "Why would she keep secrets when she knows that they're doing something like this to her?"

"Perhaps she doesn't know. We're speculating about secrets and knowledge she may be keeping from us when in fact, we don't know anything, do we?" Raine asked, "Or there's always the possibility that she does know something but is unsure bow to articulate. And while that's worrisome, we can't pry that information from her tactlessly. This situation may be more delicate than that."

"Delicate?" The word caused a distinctive expression to appear on Lloyd's face, "Maybe but. . . how do I figure out the right thing to do or say?"

"Lloyd, I doubt this is something you could pull off." Zelos began with a laugh that bit through the tension for a split second. "I have much more experience in this area so I think we all know what the best course of action would be. . ."

"I. . . I'll talk to her." She was apprehensive at first but Sheena couldn't help but feel that she knew a little more than the rest of them, and she knew that if she were to continue to completely disregard Zelos she would have to take control of her convictions.

Fortunately, the other two seemed to be on the same page as her and nodded in agreement. And so they finally got down to making the hot-boiled tea that had been promised to the others, finished it, and headed back upstairs to the room Colette was resting in.

OoO

"Hey, Colette, are you sure you don't know anything? We're just really worried and we want to help. We don't like seeing you look so sick and in pain," Genis attempted to urge the truth from her.

Her lips, clamped tightly shut, unraveled and opened slightly. She gulped and sputtered for a couple seconds but either couldn't or wouldn't find the words and at some point, finally gave up. Instead she shook her head.

"Does that mean she doesn't know anything or that she knows something but doesn't want to tell us?" Presea asked aloud but wasn't looking at any of them.

"I suspect that. . . it may be the latter." Regal made note. Colette looked suddenly fearful and denied the claim more rapidly but stopped just as soon, closing her eyes to ease away the nausea that followed. Genis saw her adamant reaction and bristled, wanting to defend his friend from - at the very least - Regal's insensitivity.

"Hey, Colette's not like that! She knows we just want to help; why would she make it harder for us to do that?!" He near-shouted, on his feet instantly. He didn't seem to notice the just-too-obvious way Colette turned her head towards the wall on the other side and avoided his gaze.

"I apologize." Regal was a little shocked at the half-elf's ferocity and it showed on his face, "Although it was only conjecture and I didn't mean any offense by it. I think that maybe, you might be. . . _deflecting_."

Genis opened his mouth to respond to that, then closed it, then opened it again. Each time his face seemed to get a little redder. His gaze averted to Presea once or twice, who seemed to think it was a more valuable use of her time paying attention to Colette, dabbing the cool and wet cloth across her forehead. And then she spoke.

"There is validity in what you both say. Colette has kept secrets from us and distressed in silence before, so there's a chance she may be doing the same thing now. The question is why when Lloyd has already cleared away her doubts on repeated occasions?" At this, Colette's breath froze and she turned swiftly with terrified eyes, facing them immediately.

They _couldn't _figure it out! Please, oh please, stop trying to figure it out! The many voices screamed in her head and she wanted to say it aloud if not for the suspicions that would arise, and the fact that her throat ached from lack of using it the past few days.

But her throat was the least of her problems. That pain was nothing compared to the thrills playing up and down her spine, as if somebody was performing it like a piano and running their hands merrily along all of the keys. It made her stiffen, made her want to physically fall apart, and then it numbed her.

"Maybe," and Genis seemed a little too despondently sure of it as he continued, "Lloyd _is _the problem?"

None of the others, including Colette, had a chance to reply before the door finally opened again to reveal the last four members of their party. Unfortunately, they had no time to pass on their theory to the rest of them before being ushered out of the room with barely another word on the matter.

"What? What's going on?" Genis asked when Raine had finally pulled him out the door and let go of his shoulder. He saw in the back of his mind the very confused expression Colette had on her face as everyone was marched out. She had seemed hurt that they wouldn't stay with her, and a little scared, which made sense. . . If he wasn't imagining it.

"We're going to send Sheena in alone, to talk. Hopefully if Colette's keeping something vital from us it will come out while conversing with a friend, someone her own age, and gender."

"Oh." Actually, Genis liked that plan. Usually he would think Lloyd would take control by now and confront her alone but maybe that wouldn't be the best thing, especially if his own statement in Colette's room had been right. Unfortunately he'd been forcibly removed before getting to see any telling change in her facial expression. Looking at the older boy, the half-elf's best friend, it seemed pretty obvious that he wanted to be the one in there with the blond Chosen, but he'd grown resigned to the possibility that maybe there was more sense in it this way.

Sheena seemed apprehensive too, despite advocating herself for the position. And what Genis decided to tell her alone a minute later when she was about to walk into Colette's room didn't help matters at all.

"Why do you want me to talk about that?" She asked almost incredulously, causing everyone else to stare at her just as dubiously thanks to her reaction. "Um. . . I mean. . . what makes you think that _that's _the problem. . . ?"

"Hm, I guess you'll just have to trust me. I mean, I'm not sure either but when I thought about it in her room awhile ago, and I said it out loud, she didn't. . . she seemed scared that I might go on about it anymore."

Sheena thought about it too, back on those derogatory things Colette had said about herself a few evenings ago during their conversation. It had happened right _here_, in this exact same spot. And it had been strange, but Sheena figured in Colette's exhaustion (which, now that they knew about the fever, made a little more sense) and had then assumed that maybe she didn't know what she'd been saying. But if, per chance, she had been lucid and meant every single word then. . . maybe there was more to this emotionally.

"Okay, I've got it." She sighed then, clenched her fists as though telling herself to persevere, "Well. . . I'm going in."

Genis blinked, heard his sister handing the summoner a tray with some rattling utensils placed on it, followed by a click as a door opened and closed, and - like everyone else in their group - prayed for success.

Inside, Colette's head snapped to attention as soon as she heard the door close. A complicated mix of feelings overwhelmed her when she saw Sheena, and only Sheena. She didn't want Lloyd to see her like this and ask obvious questions, but she knew that the sight of his face would bring her comfort even now. Did he not want to see her then, to hear her excuses and fake laughter as she continued to bottle up her own fear until. . . her end came upon her?

The possibilities left her speechless as Sheena approached.

"Hey, Colette, I wanted to check and see if you were okay. . ." She held open her arms where two cups of tea stood out of the pot she'd helped make downstairs. "We thought this might help your throat. I added some honey and cream so that it would be smoother and easier going down." Sheena proceeded to place the small cups on the nightstand, Colette's eyes following her the entire time in non-judgmental silence. She was trying to figure out what the summoner was up to. "Okay, here, let me help you sit up so you don't spill. . ." The older woman grunted as she used most of her upper body strength, ". . . Oh, sorry about that," she said lamely as the rag that had been on her forehead fell to her lap. It was quickly dumped unceremoniously into the bowl also sitting on the nightstand, perhaps belaying more of her own distaste towards the situation.

Sheena couldn't help it though. She had hoped to have more time to come up with a game plan. . . but the rest of them had wanted answers as soon as possible, which she also understood of course. It wasn't like she didn't want to help in anyway she could. She cared about Colette too! But what Genis had said to her a few moments ago ate away at her mentality, and her sympathy.

"Here you go." Sheena said, holding out the cup of hot and steaming tea. Colette accepted it with a whole-hearted and honest smile, mouthing a thank you. Then she blew on it, took a small sip, then another, and cleared her throat. Sheena took a seat beside her and waited patiently the whole time.

"Th - thank you, Sheena. . ." Her voice was hoarse and Colette gave an odd twitch with her stuttering, compliment of the pain, but the next moment she had a content expression on her face once more. The least Sheena could be grateful for was that she could honestly say she knew better than to believe it.

"So. . . how are you feeling?" She had to start slow though, right? Rushing into things might only cause the blond Chosen to deny their suspicions. And why had she elected herself to come and talk everything out anyway? Just what good did she think she could do alone? What did she think they might have in common . . . ?

"I'm okay I think. Um, I'm a little dizzy, and maybe hungry, but. . ."

". . . But you don't think you could keep anything down." It wasn't a question. Sheena had been sick before too, after all, and she knew what that kind of nausea felt like.

Colette nodded in silence before taking another small sip of her tea. Sheena decided to join her in that, finally picking up her own tin mug and blowing on it to cool it down before gulping it down heartily to fill the gap that their lack of words had left behind. Now she could take the opportunity to think of something else to say too.

"I know you've said you don't have any idea what's wrong but everyone's worried about you and thinking only of you and ways to make you feel better. We can't go on nothing, though; we can't just go on a mission to find a cure based off of your symptoms alone. . . Well, we could, and we probably would, but Tethe`alla's a big world on its own, let alone the fact that we're been traveling to Sylvarant too, you know?"

Colette was silent a moment longer than necessary, though. Sheena didn't know why - if it was the nausea or just some wit-gathering - but still she continued to wait, the epitome of patience.

"I - I'm sorry, Sheena. I don't know anything. . ."

"B - but. . . ! Colette, you say that, and keep saying that, but I think you're lying!" There was a great gasp for air and Sheena stared at her, or through her, desperate for any ounce of truth she could get. Even Colette could tell that this had nothing to do with self-gratification. Sheena was begging to know everything because she really wanted to help.

"You say that, but you're been acting strange too! You're don't use your wings in battle, you don't cast spells, you were constantly tired - let alone feverish _now _- and a few days ago you. . . you. . . ! You said you weren't sure if you were a good person! There's no reason you should ever question yourself on that, right? I mean, to me. . . to all of us. . . You've always been worth protecting, and isn't that what's led us to facing Cruxis. . . ?"

Colette wanted to fight against what Sheena was saying, she wanted to pretend she didn't hear or understand. . . but then the part she knew was wrong - the part she had tried and traied again to kill - only wanted to hope. If only the rest of her was willing to give in to that feeling. But, even if she couldn't, Sheena had admitted to her knowing all about the things she'd been trying to hide for so long. And not only from her, but everyone else as well. If that was the case then. . . what was she really keeping from them? Now they knew - _now _she was just being stubborn, wasn't she. . . ? What did she really have to fear from these people she called her friends?

Then again, Sheena had said she was worth protecting because she was obviously a good person. . . Would they still think that way if she told them about her anger and jealousy and insecurities. . . ? Somehow she was sure that they could never look at her the same. They would deject her, reject her. . . and she couldn't tell them if that was the only thing possible.

So she managed to twist to her left and place her tea mug on the bedside table, a distraction if ever there was one. She didn't meet Sheena's gaze yet. She wondered if the reason for that was her almost non-existent willpower. If she were to catch Sheena's eye. . . to _do _that. . . She would probably tell everything, have it spill from her mouth before she could do anything to stop it.

"You know," the summoner started, and Colette almost jumped. She hadn't expected there would be anything more to say, "Lloyd wanted to be the one to talk to you, but he said he would have trouble knowing what to say that would help you." She laughed now and it was so clear that Colette couldn't help but pay attention so that she would hear why. "It's funny, isn't it? He never realizes but he always says the right thing when it really counts, doesn't he? Maybe he would've been the better choice. . . to come talk to you after all. . ." And suddenly the awkward silence filled the air for another moment.

"Hey, speaking of which, does this. . . have anything to do with him or. . . ?" Colette's breath stilled while Sheena spoke on. She didn't know how to answer, she realized quite abruptly; she was being asked directly about the roots of her problem and it troubled her that she couldn't lie _now_, though she'd had no trouble omitting certain truths before. But the truth was so personal and so - so _shameful_. . . ! She couldn't just place the weight of her guilt on Sheena either, could she? She had already lost almost everything to her 'disease' and promised herself she wouldn't involve everyone.

"Are you sure? Genis wanted me to ask because when he considered it before, you. . . reacted a certain way. Kind of like you did just now, like you're forcing yourself not to admit to it, though it's true, right?" Sheena told herself that asking these sharp questions with an even sharper tone might have been - must've been - the best way to get answers out of Colette. It was something she'd noticed thanks to a shinobi's attention to detail - Colette had no trouble keeping secrets if all they did was voice suspicions and ask questions, but if they were more forceful and had some _hard evidence_. . .

"I - it's not! It's not true! I care about Lloyd and he could never do anything to make me sick or hurt me!" The words came out louder and stronger than she'd meant them to, and she gave a small gasp, immediately clutching a hand to her mouth. She was trembling and squinting away from the summoner, who was looking at her in a new light thanks to her confession.

"Of course. . . of course he couldn't. But he cares about you too, and us. More than all of that, he wants you to get better, to be healthy. . . to be _happy_. Are you really happy now, while you're sick and in trouble, in pain, and not telling us _why_?" There was suddenly a hand on Colette's shoulder. She did not maneuver away or remove it despite the fairly unpleasant tingling she felt all along her arm and neck, needles trying to poke their way from under her pale and clammy flesh.

The hand comforted her, which she knew was the purpose of course. But more than that was the fact that the hand _was _meant to comfort her - somebody was trying to ease away her agony even though she didn't dare to deserve it. The thought made her flinch while Sheena waited out her vast silence. And she squeezed out a tear, then two. . . Soon she was outright crying, sniffling, hot tears leaking from her eyes like wax dripping down a long-lit candle. She shook her head, overcome with the grief of one who was obviously suffering, albeit suffering alone.

"You love him, huh?" Sheena asked impulsively, automatically, but also knowing it was true. It was especially so when Colette's expression changed to something closely related to horror. She should have known sooner - the two of them were so close and it was obvious that she depended on him both emotionally and physically.

But how could this information be helpful?

"Colette, why do you look like it's breaking you? Love is. . . a challenge, I guess, but other than that. . ." Sheena let the words falter as a sudden question invaded her mind. Why would she help Colette, who could very well now be considered her rival? She wanted Lloyd for herself, right? And these - well, for lack of a better word - _doubts _the blond Chosen was having meant that she considered the two of them on even ground.

But Sheena knew better than to believe that herself.

"Tell me, Colette. Why do you look like you do when you're in love? What's wrong?"

". . . I wanted you to not talk about him like I did."

"What?"

"I. . . You liked him too much and you liked that he cared about you and how he effected the kind of person you are and what actions you take. But I. . . I didn't want anybody else to be that way with Lloyd!" She shook her head rapidly left to right, hands clenching the blanket wrapped around her waist, eyes clamped shut again because she couldn't bear to see Sheena's reaction to this information. "I. . . I knew it made me selfish and I tried to stop it but. . . but it just got worse! Lloyd, he treated everyone the same and I. . . I just wanted to be special to him. Why couldn't I. . . ?" Her voice cracked towards the end, so Sheena grabbed her tea for her to take a drink.

She couldn't lie. She was a little disturbed by the intensity of Colette's emotions. Not that Colette wasn't known for being emotional of course but this seemed to be another thing entirely. And she'd been there before, herself. She knew what it was like to think she wasn't good enough, to think she was losing her mind to the anguish of never being able to compare to the one she wanted more than anything to notice _her_. Colette had always been rather neutral, in the sense that she cared for everyone equally. But Sheena supposed that if anyone could tip the scale, it would be Lloyd.

That brought the summoner back to her initial process, didn't it? She and Colette both wanted the same person to love them. If that were the case then Sheena knew more than almost anything that she should withdraw for now. How could she really, honestly help Colette get better when she had a personal vendetta? But she looked to the blond Chosen who was sitting in front of her, her shoulders quaking from either the distress or maybe the pain, it was unsure. And she knew immediately why she couldn't go. She _had _to stick around.

Because despite everything she'd just heard, and her own doubts and worries, and feelings, she knew that she loved Colette too, in another way, but just as strongly. So she had to try, and keep trying, to persuade Colette into opening up until there were no more secrets left concealed. And it all started with one question.

"How did it get worse?"

Colette didn't answer immediately - she really didn't want to. But it was hard to keep her vow of silence knowing that she'd already started talking and hadn't been turned away yet. She bit at her lip to draw in her reservations. Logically, it would be near-impossible that nobody would figure everything out step-by-step now that she'd given them a clue or two. But by then. . . would it be too late to save her?

And, by asking that question, could she assume that somewhere within her, though she surely didn't deserve it, she wanted to be saved. . . ?

"Colette. . ."

She did, didn't she? The feeling that she acknowledged awhile ago - that ignited her soul with a flourishing fire - returned hopefully to her just then. She. . . wanted this to be alright. She wanted to know that feeling the way she was did not make her a bad person. It was the acceptance she had wanted all along, all her life, but that she couldn't give herself. She couldn't be so easy on herself about this. She needed to hear it from somebody else.

But could she place her faith in Sheena to say what she needed to hear so badly?

"Lloyd. . . he comforted Presea after she killed that man Vharley who had given her the exsphere. I - I know he was trying to help, he was just saying what she needed to hear, but. . . I was there and I heard it, all of it. And I wanted to ruin his words and that moment!" Suddenly, her hands leapt up to her hair where she grasped at her scalp and convulsed violently from the shame. "He does it for everyone, he always did, but I wanted his words for me to be the most important, the most special. . . !" She gasped for breath and Sheena was inclined to join her, having somehow lost the will to breath on her own. And then Colette was calm, nearly detached, as she went on.

"I know what's wrong with me now though." She said it plainly with no emotion left in her. "Cruxis made me who I was, gifted me with so much power and magic, but I. . . I had to be _the Chosen _in return for all of that." It was the first time Sheena had ever heard Colette refer to her title with such disdain. "It was fine at first, the priests and grandmother. . . They made sure that I followed the scriptures and teachings perfectly and I did so willingly because it was right. '_The Chosen is selfless, they must never think of themselves, they must succeed in releasing the seal on Martel by valuing only the outcome of every life born to the world equally._' It was all I knew because the Chosen before me had failed too so everyone had to ensure I would regenerate Sylvarant."

Sheena listened intently to what Colette said. Everyone knew the life that the Chosen was supposed to lead, the journey they would take. There was an emotional weight that would always burden the Chosen because of it. Thinking about it, maybe the reason Zelos so often shirked his responsibility as that person was because he didn't have the mental capacity to handle all of it. It was almost enough to make her sympathize with him.

"But I turned my back on that when Lloyd said he would save me by finding another way. I believed that he would plow a way through all of the pain and suffering we would see leading up to that time." She was being purely honest here, Sheena noted absently, though the summoner hadn't known what she would have expected otherwise. "And I started to feel things the Chosen shouldn't feel. I treasured one person more than anyone else, I wanted to hurt others who would get in between me and. . . that person. I would bite back words and actions but my jealousy began eating away at me inside. Soon I couldn't avoid it. I couldn't pretend it didn't exist. I couldn't change or destroy it.

"So Cruxis decided I was no longer fit to be Sylvarant's Chosen and they began taking my powers one by one. Each day passed while I began to think more and more of _Lloyd_, and each day I lost a little more angelic power. Now," she broke off here a moment, a shuddering breath overtaking her momentarily, "there isn't anything left. . ."

Suddenly Sheena knew the threat was just as great as they'd imagined earlier that day. She didn't know what to say that would assuredly comfort Colette, though more than anything else at the moment she knew that was what she wanted to do.

And though Colette didn't know it was what she'd done, she'd indeed proven that honesty was the best policy.

"So. . . do you know how I feel about Lloyd, too?" She asked, and the question caused Colette's head to snap to attention. She didn't look shocked at the news however; she seemed more shocked that Sheena would want to talk about that now of all times. And despite it all, the gnawing in the back of her head - and at the bottom of her heart - began again. She didn't want to hear this! How would she feel about Sheena - what would she want to do to Sheena - if she continued to listen?

"I want to make a move, I do but. . . it's really hard - maybe even impossible - because every time," she stopped here with an exasperated sigh, "and I mean _every time _I look at him, he seems to have his eyes on you. You guys have such a vivid connection to one another that someone like me wouldn't be able to stand a chance against it. In fact, how you could manage to not see it is beyond me." She shrugged here, biting back a slightly bitter laugh. "Believe me, Colette, if you asked anyone else who knows you two at all, they wouldn't blink or have to think about it. They would tell you that you're obviously the most important person to him."

The expression on Colette's face didn't seem to change. Sheena was tapped out of intuitive things to say. Slowly, she got up, leaned forward, and placed a hand on the younger girl's shoulder which seemed to wake her from her numb stupor. The two stared at each other for a few moments before the summoner sighed again and spoke aloud one last time.

"You. . . Colette, drink some more tea, then go back to sleep. It's for the best right now."

She took three seconds to walk swiftly across the room and out the door, her eyes dragging along the mundane view of the floor in shame. And then she almost collided with that doo, but did manage to think of it just in time. She threw it open, whisking her hair around due to the draft, but remembered to close it much more softly so that she wouldn't disturb Colette anymore than she had already.

But the thing was that she. . . she had actually been trying to help, hadn't she?

"So," a voice said just as the door closed again behind her in the hallway, "Lloyd, huh? Figures." Zelos scoffed when Sheena snapped to attention, her expression livid at the thought of his eavesdropping on her. "Ladies always go for the completely oblivious hero." The smirk on his face didn't seem wholehearted or assured like it always was, though the summoner couldn't see it through the bitter, angry red haze clouding her vision.

"Zelos, you were listening? Why would you do that?" She raised a hand, probably to hit him, but through his obvious flinch he saw that it was still sitting there mid-air almost a minute later. And it was trembling. The Tethe`alla Chosen quirked a brow, half-suspicious that she was just waiting for the perfect opening and half-curious. Could she really be so angry? "_Stupid_. . . ! Stupid Chosen!" But she lowered it again and clenched both fists with her head downward.

"Hey, hey! What did I do this time?" He asked her, hoping he would get the reaction he always got from her. First she would give him a look - one that said he must be ludicrous to not know the obvious thing he'd done wrong, then she'd shout at him until she simply no longer had enough breath to speak. And somewhere in all that she'd throw in a smack or a punch that she would say he deserved.

But that seemed farfetched and unlikely, especially when Sheena said the following just barely loud enough to hear.

"I wasn't. . . talking about you." She said it as though she hadn't realized this also until just then. Yet she knew, without any doubt, that it was true. "She, and not just her. . . _the Chosen_ always suffers, huh?" She wouldn't looked at him while saying it but, realizing it was a serious conversation, he decided he should look the part. "It's just. . . I always hated the Chosen! I mean, what they did for the world was so important but when I was a kid, all I saw or heard was that this one person lived happily and freely. They had a beautiful, upscale home and all the food and shelter and attention they could want. I hated it because. . ." She bit her lip, not sure if she wanted to continue. Everyone knew of her past history in Mizuho - how her failure against Volt had made her the outcast from the village of outcasts. That was one thing.

But to tell them the other half, the part that she barely remembered where she'd been beaten and left battered game to the rogue animals in Gaoracchia Forest. . . That was something else. She felt like there may have never been a time or place when coming out with that would be considered sensible.

But Zelos seemed honestly curious as to how she could think that way. Either he cared or. . . or maybe he was just being selfish enough to wonder who could hate _him_.

"I was just. . . jealous, I guess; more than anything else." She finally decided to say, and didn't elaborate, "As I got older, I grew stronger by training for hours everyday, until at last I was a proud shinobi warrior. . . despite any past mistakes or failures. Awhile after that, the king in Meltokio summoned the Chief to meet with him and Mizuho made its first political alliance in decades. At some point I met you and knew that everything I'd heard about 'the Chosen' was right on the mark. People flocked to you and begged the chance to answer your beck and call. . . so I knew my hatred for you was justified." She stopped here and looked at her captive audience. Still he didn't say anything and Sheena was shocked into realizing she'd forgotten she was talking to Zelos. She hadn't thought it possible he could keep his mouth shut for so long. . . so she finished her statement or story, or whatever it would ordinarily be called.

"Then the King asked for _me_ and I knew I'd have my chance to make everyone proud. He introduced me to Yuan and the Renegades who told me about Sylvarant, then they sent me to kill Colette, who was their Chosen. I saw my chance for vengeance against the kind of people I hated, like you. But," she stopped again and took in a great gulp of air before continuing, "but she _wasn't _like you at all and I couldn't keep my distance. Soon I was fighting with her, or for her, in case of the last seal we released. And even though I told her I might still have to fight her in the end, I was sure I wouldn't be able to. I'd finally witnessed what the Chosen must endure for the sake of world regeneration and I pitied her." Sheena felt ashamed to admit it. "But more than that I sympathized with her. I don't know if that's what she needed or not. . . but it was all I had available."

There was another heaved sigh and she seemed ready to face her judgment - or _his _judgment. Zelos gaped inwardly. Even he couldn't believe it. What could he say? What right did he have to say anything? But then, that was something he was usually told by the others when he tried to make light of an incident or situation. He knew the tactic he used was not wrong. . . but even the difference between 'not wrong' and 'right' caused a blurring in the lines.

"Hahah!" He slapped her on the shoulder with a bright and cheery laugh, which caused even her facial expression to waver. "C'mon, my voluptuous hunny! There's no reason to be upset! Everyone's jealous of the Chosen, especially one as handsome and strong as me! I get it, I understand!" But the smile vanished without a trace and the laugh dispersed soon after. And for once, Zelos was humble and modest, perhaps a reflection of the secrets from his past that he would not tell them all either. "Maybe it's just a reminder to be grateful for what you've got, huh?"

Sheena wanted to be mad again, she really did, but she couldn't bring herself to be that way when her only excuse for it was that he was _right_. And least of all, at a time like this, did she want him knowing that. But he seemed to be waiting for a reply of some sort so she decided to fake it.

"Zelos, you stupid pervert! I don't care what your excuse is or what you have to say to me now! Don't eavesdrop on a private conversation I'm having with someone else! A - and get off of me!" She shrugged her shoulders wildly until he removed his arm which, surprisingly, neither had noticed being there all that time, and it hadn't tried to inch its way downward in the direction of her waist either.

He looked about ready to object to her cruelty towards him but she didn't give him the chance.

"I'm really mad right now, and upset a - about how Colette's suffering and why Lloyd's involved and what it means for me. I don't want to hear your annoying voice right now. . ." She gave him a stern look before adding, "Why can't you see that, sometimes, the best kind of comfort is silent? Not all girls want you to talk them down from their grief; sometimes you just need to let them ride it out themselves until there's nothing left!" She didn't look at him or say anything else now, her head turned to face the wall beside her and her teeth gritted. She hadn't been so tempted to wail and cry all of her tears since that day so long ago when her grandfather had found her and taken her to her new home, to Mizuho. She hadn't even done it after the incident with Volt. She'd be damned if she was going to break down now, and in front of that pervert Chosen, no less!

A hand was on her shoulder again, but it was soothing and no poor excuses or jokes accompanied it. She looked up, staring at the arm attached to that hand, then the shoulder, and finally the face. Zelos's face. And she found contentment in the gaze he returned. Somehow he understood. Maybe something she'd said had breached his shallow barriers.

Offhandedly she remembered that time in Derris-Kharlan when the group had been separated by the monumentous amount of deadly traps there. They had known what they were doing, sacrificing themselves for the good world that Lloyd had wanted to create and for the purpose of rescuing Colette from Mithos once again. But she had been unsure, had wanted Lloyd to turn back and save her, though she never told him that.

_But that wouldn't be my style, now, would it?_ She thought both reminiscently and ironically. Here she was, putting herself on the line again. And Zelos, despite his history. . .

. . . Well, she just hoped that he was risking as much as she was.

"It calms you down, doesn't it?" A voice asked suddenly, and Sheena raised her head, unfocused. She hadn't noticed time passing like it was, but a couple hours later she had already referred what she'd learned to everyone - careful not to disclose anything related to right after, either - and now sat in the hot springs again, accompanied by Presea. Professor Raine sat inside with Colette almost constantly anymore.

Distractedly, Sheena straightened her slouching back, massaging up and down her arms, tracing her fingers over her already fading scar. Somehow it was all she could think about, lest she fall back on her conversation with Colette - which was a sore memory for her now - or else over the news shared with the Professor and Lloyd and everyone. . . and since none of them had come up with any new theories to help Colette's health, that was even worse.

"Sheena, is something wrong. . . ?" Presea asked, and the summoner snapped to attention, comprehending where she was for the first time since that afternoon. Finally, she gave an answer, one from the recesses of her melancholy subconscious.

"I'm. . . fine, I guess. Just dealing with my latest personal defeat." And it was true, she realized, as she slowly dipped her chin into the pleasantly warm water and blew through her mouth despondently. For every time she could remember being overwhelmed by her feelings for Lloyd, for all of his advice and tender reassurance and the possibility of them inching closer together. . . she knew she had been fighting a losing battle.

If Colette loved Lloyd enough so much that it was effecting her life - nay, possibly _ending_ it - then there was no way she stood a chance. Her feelings were miniscule and measly and insignificant here. Colette's were framing her lifestyle and paving the paths she walked. The two of them were simply on entirely different playing fields, weren't they. . . ?

"But you're right. I guess _this_," she gestured to the area around her with a nod of her head, "does make me feel better."

"Yes, it's too bad that Colette wasn't feeling a little less disoriented." Sheena ignored the thrill of apprehension that filled her and gazed at the young girl before her questioningly. "Water is clear, pure, and soothing, and hot springs are usually known as a natural stimulant for the wounded body. Colette's sickness might be waived if she could bathe in it." It seemed to have been an afterthought, a spontaneous comment used to stir up conversation. It was only said to mean what it was was, no insinuations intended. . . but Sheena felt the familiar jolt of an idea coming to her.

"Well, why not?" She asked, getting up and swiftly (sluggishly) wading through the water until she could feel the elevation of the slate stone underneath her toes. Finally she stepped ashore, pulling her soap and washcloth and folded robe from the round, wooden tub she had been keeping it in. "Hey, Presea, can I put these in yours?" She held everything up but the robe, which she obviously intended to wear.

Presea gave her ascent.

"Thanks!" She then dunked her wooden basin under the waterfall and removed it again, watching an extra moment for any leaks. She threw on her robe one-handed and took off, sprinting around the barriers that the wooden board walls presented with the accuracy only a shinobi warrior could maintain.

Sheena found a fresh, dry washcloth in their bags and easily balanced the weight and unstable container of water under one arm, finishing her trek up another flight of stairs, down the hall, and around the corner where Colette was resting with the Professor. She was sure that everyone else had seen her come dashing inside - just as sure Zelos had made a lewd comment about the provocative way she had dressed herself (not intentionally, of course) - but it didn't seem to matter. All that did was that she prove she was indeed trying to help.

"Oh, Sheena. . . Is everything alright downstairs? I heard a lot of. . ." Raine had opened the door and peered curiously outside, coming face to flushed-red and out of breath face with the summoner, ". . . Is that water from the hot spring? What did you intend to use it for?"

So Sheena told her what Presea had said. They really had nothing else they could do right then, and nothing left to lose, did they? Even as she spoke, Raine had eased open the door a little more and let her in, and she caught sight of Colette still in bed. She was pale and perspiring - probably from the fever they couldn't stave. And more importantly, she was avoiding eye contact. That made sense, didn't it though? Sheena had probably said a few things that were a cause for concern.

"I understand. . . Alright." Raine nodded and opened her arms, accepting the pail from Sheena along with the rag. "You just finished bathing, yourself, didn't you?" She put on a stern expression and continued, "Worry about your own health for now. I will assist Colette with this. Why don't you go see if Lloyd needs help making dinner once you're finished? He was very eager to make something that would help you two get better. . . but he may be too excited to do it properly." It was her way of saying that, as the responsible adult of the group, she would handle things here as much as she could.

"Oh. Uh. . ." Sheena couldn't help it; she looked at Colette anyway from over Raine's shoulder. She could at least tell that the blond Chosen seemed uncomfortable at the prospect of those two spending time together and she respected that. But what could she say to the Professor, who knew nothing of their discussion about Lloyd from earlier that day? "Sure, I guess I can see if he needs any help after I put some lotion on this." She held up her arm to signify the burn, where a pale white-ish scar looked to be fading slowly away.

She wanted to tell Colette that she understood now. Or rather, she did _not _understand, could not understand, and that was the point. Colette's feelings were so much the same and yet still so different, so much _stronger_. And she knew she didn't stand a chance, much like anybody else who would try to get in between the blond Chosen and Lloyd. But was there a right way to say it?

Because of the Chosen's duties to the world, they must constantly be selfless and give up anything they might want for themselves. So, because Colette wanted something exclusively to belong to her, she was unable to cope with the emotional change. And she was being far too hard on herself - or so Sheena thought at least. But then again, as the Chosen (even if not in the end, thanks to Lloyd), she would have been trained for that, be programmed for it, and. . . as everyone learned at some point, once you were accustomed to something - a lifestyle - it was very hard to change it.

Sheena appreciated that, she really did, but. . . as strong as Colette's feelings were, how could she ever manage to hold them in for so long? Her willpower was a lot greater than any of them had thought, wasn't it? The idea of not knowing, of being unsure and always curious and - and. . . The possibility was something unbelievable. Given, Sheena hadn't had the guts to confess either, but still.

Maybe the problem was that, while she did comprehend, she simply did not - could not - comprehend. Colette was worried about Lloyd. . . worried about him rejecting her? There was a very slim chance, wasn't there? But the fact that her angel powers were effected, were gone. . . and Colette said they'd been taken from her by Cruxis. . . But did she really know that for sure? It sounded like speculation no matter how suspicious the situation was.

"Uh, hey Sheena; are you okay? You've been standing there for a few minutes."

"Oh, Lloyd. . . Uh, I - I mean, hey Lloyd." The summoner laughed uneasily, realizing that she'd subconsciously followed Raine's directions and sought him out in the kitchen downstairs. "What are you doing?"

"Hm. . . well, I'm cooking, sort of." He removed his hands from the dishes and utensils he was holding and let them sit there before him as he continued to speak, "But I don't really know what to make. I wanted to make something light for Colette, and something simple for you because you only have full use of the one arm. . . but we don't have the supplies for all of that. And. . ."

The words flowed naturally through her head and to her lips as if he had spoken it aloud to her.

". . . And you don't want to run to town right now, not knowing for sure about Colette's condition."

He didn't answer her but he gave her a look that said she was clearly right. And she was more sure than ever that she had lost her battle, something she hadn't fought knowingly all this time.

"But, I'm not the best cook anyway, and trying to do it while making something with those stipulations--" Sheena gave a light, distracting cough, a little curious as to how Lloyd knew the definition of that word, "--is a little hard."

"Oh, yeah. . . Well, do we have any miso?"

"Hm. . ." He crossed his eyes in thought, "Yeah, I think so. Not much though."

"It's fine." She raised a hand to stop his excuses. "It's been awhile but I'm pretty sure we have the other ingredients for miso soup, too. It's the perfect dish because it's full of vegetables and tofu, so it's healthy, the broth is black so there's no acidic quality, and it's easy enough to east one-handed, isn't it?"

"Hey, maybe that'll work after all! As long as it doesn't have any green peppers in it." He gave a light laugh half from victory and half from the amusement of his own joke.

"Huh?" Sheena didn't understand what he meant and didn't have a chance to ask.

"Uh. . . g - guys? Raine needs us upstairs in Colette's room. She says it's important." Genis stressed the word, his eyes worried and a little watery. He seemed close to tears but gulped them down and was a little braver a moment later.

They knew immediately that it was nothing good and, as Sheena opened her mouth to ask what exactly was wrong, Lloyd dropped everything and took off out of the room, around the corner, and up the stairs in the same time span it took Genis to blink after being moved out of the way.

She did not waver, she did not worry or consider the possibilities. Those feelings fluttered away from her and she decided she would be nothing but courageous as well, ruthlessly striking down anybody who would stop her from finding a way to make Colette better.

OoOoO

**Notes** - Okay, well, first are the apologies. I definitely didn't mean to take this long in updating but the past few weeks (months?) have been a bit crazy. I had to pick up some extra hours at another location of one of my jobs, because they'd cut them by ten where I normally work, plus I just turned twenty-one years old at the beginning of September! How awesome is that? Add to that the fact that I got no reviews after posting chapter seven and then the knowledge that this chapter is probably the longest of the entire fic (and my computer chair is killer, I swear, and not in a good way), and I was just really low on time and inspiration. Oh well; only one more chapter to go!

Oh, right; just to say it, this is one of the biggest chapters of the entire fic. As if it weren't so obvious. Colette's feelings become clear to someone other than herself, and Sheena confronts her own hopes and despairs over Lloyd. I think that this could be some realistic closure on the Sheeloyd thing, to be honest, or maybe I'm just giving myself too much credit. I'm even thinking of dubbing this, "Sheena's Chapter." Lol; because everything that was said and done and thought here revolved around her.

Well, anyway, if you review (please, _please _review), let me know what you thought about the passive situation revolving around the above paragraph (or vice-versa). The final chapter will hopefully be up by the end of October, though I know I have to edit a bit of the finale.

Will Lloyd and everyone face off against Mithos after what he's done to their friend, or will they find another cause for Colette's illness? And what about her feelings for Lloyd? Will he discover them, or will Colette die to protect the relationship she already has with him, the one she can't afford to lose?

Look forward to the answers in the next chapter!


	9. Yuwaku :: Temptation

**Author **- Chibi / Warlordess

**Notes **- Oh my, I've been slowly but surely working my way up to this fic for so many months now that I'm actually scared of writing it for fear that I'll be disappointed in myself. . . Still, I really liked the idea. . . I mean, Colette suffers (can you believe I'm a huge fan?) and Lloyd saves her, and it's all about the feelings, let alone a physical illness that comes into play and might or might not have something to do with Cruxis. . . Whoo. . . ! I'm so excited and pumped now!

Okay, so please read and review honestly! This is going to be my first Colloyd confession fic (if all goes well) out of. . . How many has it been now? Like, four or five? I've been wanting to do this _for-ev-er_. Lol. So. . . that's it! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer **- I wish, most sincerely, that I owned Tales of Symphonia. That OVA would have finished if I did, damnit! And Colloyd? Yeah, that would have really, totally, completely happened. And Sheena would have obviously warmed up to Zelos. . . Not to mention Presea and Genis. . . (I still want to write my one-shot idea on them anyway; hopefully it's not too farfetched, and maybe it wasn't even a one-shot. I can't remember anymore.)

OoOoO

**Tales of Symphonia **- "Angelus Tainted"

**Summary **- The Chosen of Regeneration had not been since the time Lloyd said he would save her. And yet, Colette agonizes when she begins to realize her greatest wishes aren't for the good fortune of everyone around her, but rather for a specific someone. . . And now, Cruxis has turned her away as the one with the power to regenerate Sylvarant. Colloyd.

**Part Nine** - "A Place Where You Must Find Me"

OoOoO

"What's wrong, what happened?" Lloyd exclaimed, dashing through the door, which had actually been open for once instead of shut tight and hiding every secret within. He turned his gaze wildly, worriedly, around at the other inhabitants, who looked just as confused as him at this congregation, and just as dreadful. He was sure that they were expecting the worst too.

Finally his eyes rested on the span of the room right in front of him, where Colette lay in her bed and the Professor right next to her. Colette was clutching the blankets to her front, a little pink in the face. But it was hard to tell what that was from - the fever, all of the eyes focused on her while she sat there, or there was also maybe something else.

Maybe she was just as worried about what they were going to learn.

"Wh. . . what happened, Professor?" Lloyd was just barely brave enough to ask. He gulped down the fearful reproaching tone in his voice. He didn't want to chase away the answers - the truth - anymore. He had to be proactive! He had to help Colette whether or not that was what she wanted. But. . . was it what she wanted?

Lloyd mentally shook his head at his own insecurity. It didn't matter, though he was sure on some level that she must have wanted to be saved. . . He had to do everything in his power, after every other loss, all of the pain, fear, secrets - not necessarily all of it belonging to her; he simply couldn't let this happen. . . !

"I think that. . ." Raine swallowed some bile that was crawling up her throat and along her tongue. It was just. . . so grotesque! "I've found the source of Colette's pain. After learning about what had happened to all of her angelic power, it makes some sense I suppose but. . ." She shook her head as though trying to clear something unfortunate from it, ". . . I don't know for certain how else it could be explained, or how to see it. I think it's simply best for you to look for yourselves."

Colette whimpered and opened her mouth to tell them to stop, she wanted to say no, they couldn't see what she'd been hiding in its entirety, they weren't allowed to do that. . . ! But the words were stuck and she could only stare blankly, horrified, at the thought that everything. . . _everything _she'd worked so hard to hide, to prevent. . . now, it would all be obvious to everyone.

Lloyd croaked when he saw, and he wasn't the only one to have that reaction.

"Oh, my G. . ." Zelos muttered, not sure what else he could say.

"What. . . is that?" Presea asked.

"They're. . . Aren't those _scars_?"

"Holy. . . what? Why?"

"Colette!" Sheena exclaimed, making the blond Chosen jump and then flinch in response. This was something not even revealed to _her _before now. And she was a little angry about that, but mostly she was upset that Colette would continue to keep anything secret from the rest of them.

The scars were symmetrical, looking aged and yet. . . It was as if they had been forced to throb anew repeatedly. They were white, bleaching the skin on her back while the area around them was blotched pink and red.

Lloyd, through the very slight embarrassment of seeing his best friend in such a state of undress - (because, really, was this the time for that?) - leaned slightly forward and went to place a cool palm to them but drew back at the last moment. And while he was scared to look at them, the fear was not what stopped him. Rather, Colette had been holding her breath for so long now, she had realized what he was going to do and completely stilled herself. . . He didn't want to run the risk of hurting her.

He didn't think he could handle her expression of terror much longer, possibly because it seemed to be directed at him. All in all, it was easier to leave the room and continue the discussion outside.

"Colette, why don't you go back to sleep? I'll come back to wake you when dinner is ready, okay?" He told her kindly, and smiled reassuringly. It was a little hollow, and maybe Colette noticed that because she didn't say anything to him in response, just laid back and turned over to face the other way, at the same time finding herself staring at the Professor's legs.

"Lloyd?" Presea asked him, unsure of what he was doing.

"Let's go guys." And, when his eyes met theirs, an added statement made itself known through the silence. _"Let's continue this somewhere else."_

"Those are from her _wings_, aren't they?" He asked almost as soon as they'd shut the bedroom door. It was obviously the case but still. . . it just seemed so ludicrous, so impossible. . . Just like a girl who had suddenly sprouted wings to begin with so long ago, right? "Why does it look like that? Isn't there some way to make it go away?"

They continued they walk until they'd reached one of the other bedrooms they were renting.

"I don't know what we can do." Raine shrugged almost nonchalantly but her eyes never left the reflection of Colette's back, proving that she was still just as attentive as before. "But this reminds me of something. . . Colette has collapsed a few times recently, she's suffering from chronic pain and fever, and she's lost any powers tying her to Cruxis. And an ordinary doctor would not be able to help her. Haven't we seen some of these symptoms before?"

Lloyd was still confused, and it showed clearly on his face. Genis, on the other hand, seemed to have grasped the meaning in his sister's speculation.

"You mean. . . kind of like that other time?" He asked, only making it worse. It was annoying to a point that Lloyd associated with such smart people. It was like they had their own language, like they talked down to him, and used riddles when they didn't want him knowing what they were discussing. But. . . he had to know. . . !

"What? What is it?" He was panicked, he was impatient. But really, who could blame him?

"Angel Toxicosis." Raine answered simply, then added just as Lloyd opened his mouth again. "In reverse, I would assume."

Unfortunately, more than half of the group didn't know what she was talking about. Sheena just barely understood, she'd joined them so late in the journey to regenerate Sylvarant. Raine took the initiative and explained what she could.

"When we released the Seals in Sylvarant to save the world, Colette would pray at the alter to grant her power needed to set the goddess free and become an angel herself." She stopped here, wording everything delicately, "At the same time she faced hardships, resulting in her health being at risk and the loss of her humanity in exchange. These periods in time when she would be ill and sometimes bedridden, I dubbed due to the phenomenon, Angel Toxicosis."

"But wait; does that mean that Cruxis really did do this to Colette?" Zelos asked, reminiscent of how much he'd hated being the Chosen all of that time. Just imagine if it had been Tethe`alla's Seals needing release. . . ! What would he have done to his world to avoid that torture. . . ?

"I can't be sure about that. . ." Raine chewed on her bottom lip for a moment - just one - before noticing that everyone seemed to be looking to her for answers. But after her last one, she was basically tapped out. . . She didn't have anymore answers to give them. "All we can do right now is give Colette something to eat and then let her get her rest. Lloyd, have you at least decided on what to make for supper?"

"Oh yeah, I did!" And as an afterthought, he added, "Actually, Sheena helped me figure it out."

The summoner heard it loud and clear and gaped, open-mouthed, at him. How could he say that? Sure, it was true but - but to say it right nextdoor to Colette's room? What if she had heard him? After everything she was still trying to piece together? She was going through enough without him forcing her knees to buckle under more weight. . .

Even so, as she thought about it, she did wonder what Colette's reaction would be. She seemed almost traumatized at the knowledge of them figuring everything out, and in a state of shock. She had remained mute and unable to communicate with emotions because of it. Would this news, as small and insignificant to everyone else as it was, be just as devastating to her, or faze her at all? Maybe it was just the fever of course, but there was something about that expression that made it seem, quite simply, like Colette had given up hope. Was Sheena the only one who had noticed? More important than that, the same question that had dared to drift through Lloyd's head earlier now floated through hers. Did Colette want them to help at all or. . . did she want to be left to her own devices, left to suffer alone?

Raine knew what Lloyd wanted them to do. He wanted them to run around and try any possible cure they could for their friend. He was tired of just uselessly watching her get sicker and sicker because there was nothing else he could do. She understood that feeling, she knew that everyone did but. . . she also knew better than to give in to that impatient temptation. She was fascinated by Colette's illness just as much as she would be fascinated if they found that cure - _when _they found it. If she doubted them, she would doom them.

They gave Colette some miso soup, though she barely touched it, eating only a third before claiming to have lost her appetite. Then she soothed herself to sleep after they left her again to the silence of her room. Nothing kept her awake, no horrors or terrors or worries because, well, everything was out in the open. Now all she could do was wait out the end and hope Lloyd didn't turn her away before that. If she had to go then the only acceptable way was to do it while she was still known as the person they all believed in, trusted, and loved. It was the _only_ way.

But, even as she thought it, knew it, and slumbered to it, she didn't cry. It was like she was emotionally empty, she didn't have any tears left. It was almost comforting to feel that - or not feel it. The nasty part of her that actually thought she deserved to live wouldn't be able to manipulate her friends without a convincing facial expression, would it?

And while she slept, albeit, not so peacefully, those friends of hers convened downstairs to try and come to the ultimate conclusion about what to do for her.

"I can't believe Mithos would do this to Colette! We have to stop him!" Lloyd stated indignantly, smashing a fist onto the coffee table in front of him and making it rattle. "We've put this on hold long enough, we've trained for so long. . . We have to be strong enough to take him down by now, right?"

"Hold on, Lloyd, maybe you're not thinking this through," Genis was the first one with the common sense and enough guts to admonish him. "Mithos is going to be the strongest he's ever been before because he's desperate to win, to beat us - to kill us! You can't just decide that you want to waltz in and take him down. It doesn't work like that."

"Genis is right," Presea added, making the small half-elf blush, "Do not make any rash decisions to suit your momentary anger. You must think calmly, rationally."

"Yeah, Lloyd. I mean, I get it, you want to impress the ladies, you wanna be like me, but this is just stupid." Zelos gave a sharp laugh, a little cold, biting, but otherwise just honest. "You need to take your time with them, otherwise you'll just freak them out."

"That's not it! That's not what this is about! I mean, Colette already went through enough, didn't she? Why should she have to keep losing these fights - getting sick, getting hurt - when I should be strong enough to stop that from happening? What good am I - to her or to myself - if all I can do is watch and wait for something more to happen? I'm tired of being just a little too late, a little too slow to react, a little dumber than whoever or whatever's trying to finish her off. . . I refuse to keep going like this! I have to do something!"

The statement was met with a vast silence that swept over them all and clouded their atmosphere. Slowly it suffocated until finally, somebody had to speak.

"But do you honestly think your best choice now is to take advantage of Colette's state, leave her behind so that she can't be harmed anymore, and prove your worth by challenging an enemy you're not sure you can beat just yet?" Regal asked, "You say you want to help, you want to stop Colette's pain, but it seems foolhardy to me to leapt at Mithos just to prove you can save her like you've promised to do this entire time."

Lloyd fell silent, not sure how to react. It was a shame that nobody would back him up, but it was even worse that he knew they were right. He wasn't thinking through his anger, his rage, he was _feeling _through it. It wasn't sensible, it wasn't smart, despite the fact that he was human. If what he hoped for in the end was the reunification of both worlds, plus Colette's life, then he had to muddle through the times like these when all he wanted to do was rush head-first into things.

"I've been thinking about it," Raine, who had been silent for the longest time, finally spoke. Everyone turned to look at her automatically, "and it's not logical to assume that what's happening to Colette is Mithos' doing." She slowly shook her head in agreement with her own conclusion, even though everyone else was still staring at her for elaboration. "He's always been so much more direct than this, hasn't he? Even when using methods of manipulation, he ensured that we knew he was behind our hardships. He wanted the credit that comes with tearing apart his enemies. I'm sure it's something we can all agree on. The way he's always seen things is that the best way to control those who would rise up against him is to prove his power over them, and for that he would have to identify himself. We never had to make guesses; if ever we planned something against them and they fought back, Cruxis would leave a - well, a symbolic fingerprint."

"So what are you saying? Do you want us to consider other possibilities?" Sheena asked.

"Exactly. If our view is so narrow-minded, we'll never get anywhere. We'll never be able to find the best results."

"Professor," Lloyd sounded both wary and suspicious as he let the question flow from his lips, "are you trying to turn Colette into another experiment again?"

"Maybe." She replied plainly with nothing to hide. He got up in arms about it, stepping forward as though wanting to retaliate. She raised a hand to stop him wordlessly, palm up. "But that does not make me any less dedicated to finding a cure. I'm still capable of helping you."

"How can I really believe that, huh?" His voice was a little louder than anybody would have liked but he couldn't control the impulse. He was angry. "How can I know that you're being serious about this?"

"Science is a very serious subject for me, Lloyd. I would appreciate it if you don't doubt that. I will always be focused on the conclusion of an experiment." She actually chose this opportunity to look bashful as she finished. "Science is pure, whole-hearted, and thorough. I will always have my heart in it, I will always be dedicated." She stopped for a moment, not sure she should say it, but knew Lloyd needed to hear. "I _care _about the results."

"O - oh, uh. . ." He was embarrassed now too, obviously. He'd let his temper get away from him and accused a friend of not caring for Colette's health. Raine was always the most logical one in the group. She was brisk and a little cold most of the time, saying things bluntly with either a trimmed level of detachment or an over-emotional fuss. It was just the way she was. "Sorry."

"Wait. . ." Sheena near-whispered, a hand coming to rest thoughtfully on her chin. "Could. . . could _that _be it?"

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" Genis asked, an eyebrow quirked as though unsure about the summoner's sanity. She was practically talking to herself, after all.

"Well, it's just. . . Lloyd was really mad just now, right? His feelings got away from him and spiraled a little out of control. He looked like he wanted to pick a fight. What he felt effected his actions, and. . ." She felt bad, like she was disclosing information she shouldn't be. But if it would help. . . So she recalled her conversation with the blond girl and voiced her theory aloud. "Colette was sort of the same, wasn't she?"

"What do you mean?" Presea asked now, her head cocked to the side.

"Well," she sputtered because even she wasn't quite sure what she was talking about, "Well, she was so worried because her emotions started changing and because of. . ." Her eyes met Lloyd's and she bit her lip. That secret was _definitely _not hers to tell, ". . . It's, uh, because of a lot of general stuff but anyway, she thought Cruxis was stripping her of her Chosen powers, which only made the perception worse, and all the more real to her. I guess. . . but I'm not really sure I know how to put it. . . but could it maybe be coming from _her_. . . ? It's just that she's agonized over it for so long on her own."

"So you're wondering if it's psychological . Hm. . . it's not impossible."

"Wait, wait! You're saying. . . Are you saying she could be doing this to herself?" Lloyd asked incredulously with his fists clenched. He couldn't believe that! Could she _really _put her life in danger like that?

"It's a possibility that we shouldn't exclude. Emotions are strong, they effect daily life, the actions people choose to take and how they take them. I've heard of this before, the emotional instability in a person leading to physical illness."

"B - but. . . but to Colette?"

"Have you ever heard of something called the placebo effect?" Regal asked. Raine's eyes lit up in understanding, though hers were the only ones, so he elaborated. "It's a tested theory that doctors have used in the past to assist patients in getting better. They give two separate groups of people two different medicines, assuring both that they will definitely ease their ailment. One group receives actually medication suited for the affliction while the other is given a placebo, or fake drug."

"So. . . they suffer because they're lied to about their medicine?" Genis gaped, appalled at the thought, let alone the fact that this had actually been used on people before.

"No, no. . . that's not the point," Raine interjected but not admonishingly this time, "They are given fake medicine but assured just as much as the other group that they will be cured. Because of that, because they are told without a doubt that they _will _get better, they continue to take those medications. . . and the results are not bad. Both groups score relatively the same."

"But how is that possible?" Presea wondered out loud.

"It's thanks to the positive thinking of the subjects. They are told they will get better and. . . they _do_." Regal continued to explain, "Thinking encouragingly on the bright side of things is a medicine all its own. Liquid serums and tablets can barely compare."

"Whoa, hold on. . . But still. . . It's not just my cute Colette's physical health that's in trouble here." Zelos stated, his hands up. He was a little curious about the similarity of the two situations. "It's her angel powers that went haywire. Doesn't that mean anything at all?"

"But it makes sense. . ." Sheena said, more to herself than anybody else, though they heard it anyway, "Well, I mean. . . It's all about her duties as the Chosen, all about Cruxis. . . She feels a change in her priorities that the selfless sacrifice in her can't accept. Then when she starts losing her special skills, she figures that she must be getting punished by Cruxis. But it all ties together, doesn't it?"

"Thanks to her perceptions. You're right, Sheena," Raine stopped for just a second as though calculating everything in her head, and then surmised, "And with all of this compiled information, this theory shouldn't be considered a possibility, but a probability."

The words met with absolutely awkward quiet. Nobody knew what to say. What do you do when - _how do you help _- somebody who's hurting themselves, especially when it's unintentional? As hard as it was to even think about, it was even harder to try and come up with a game plan for retaliation..

It was worse for Lloyd. He'd made excuses so long for Colette's secretive behavior and her sickness because he couldn't face the knowledge of having failed to protect her again. And he'd only made it worse for her by trying to tell everyone to give her time, that she deserved to be given the chance to defend herself, that they shouldn't accuse her of anything based on circumstance. He'd only. . . _made it worse_. . . It didn't matter that she denied everything when he asked questions, it didn't matter that she didn't take his advice and ask for help - even if it turned out not to be _his _help. . . It just _didn't _matter.

Because he had decided long ago, by way of saving her from dying to become Martel's vessel, that he would take responsibility for her life.

And now - _now_ - he might lose her anyway. It was something he couldn't allow.

"We have to stop it. I'm going to stop it." Lloyd stated both suddenly and clearly so that everyone turned to face him, some in disbelief, because he just sounded so confident. Or maybe it was more resignation at the thought that this was _his_ duty, what only _he _could do. "I'm going to talk to her, to save her. There has to be a way!"

"Yeah, but. . . what is it? What are you planning to do?" Zelos asked with a quirked eyebrow. He was probably still skeptical about this psychological standpoint. After all, being the temporary traitor to Cruxis meant he knew the ruthless action they were capable of taking. He wouldn't put anything passed them.

"Well," Lloyd fumbled, not sure, "Well, the Professor and Regal said that the way a person thought about the outcome could actually _effect _their physical health. That means that. . . that Colette's been telling herself she won't beat what's happening to her all this time. So, to change that would mean that. . . she would get better, right?"

"Yes, that might work. But first. . . you'll have to convince her." The words were spoken by Presea and Lloyd gulped, knowing that she was right. It would prove to be a difficult task.

"In fact, I'll go with you. I should check up on her." Raine said thoughtfully, and the two calmly retreated from their friends, who prayed for their success this time around.

And still, as Lloyd approached that dreaded door his best friend waited behind, _still _he didn't know what he'd say to her. He assumed that she wondered about herself, about what kind of person she was. But he'd told her time and time again how much he thought of her. Perhaps he knew somehow that those words, no matter how true they were or how confident he was of them, would mean nothing to her now. It wasn't just about _those words_; it was about more than that.

Unconsciously he braced himself.

"Would you like some advice?" Raine asked softly, but her tone underlined how serious she was.

"Uh. . ."

"You shouldn't feel like you're approaching battle. Colette is not searching for victory or loss; she's searching for answers, and honesty, clarity. So talk her down from her feelings and insecurities. Words will be better than any aggressive action you would ordinarily take."

Lloyd blinked, staring blankly (and almost shocked) at the Professor. Surprisingly, what she had said had helped. It wasn't like he'd thought it wouldn't but. . . but he assumed it wouldn't matter. In the end, he figured he could be the only one to help, that nobody else could effect the situation anymore; it was his turn to try and resolve this.

But what she said calmed him, eased his mind. He could look forward to what he had to do now with a little less fear. It stimulated that part of him where he stored the strength needed for times like this.

"O - okay; thanks." Lloyd nodded, grateful.

With that, the two entered the room. Colette slept peacefully in her bed for once, not fitful. Thank goodness for those small mercies. Only then, he was forced to think back on her jerking reaction to Raine's spell casting the first time they'd woken her. He hoped that wouldn't be the case this time around.

Raine cast her spells without much conviction, and it made Lloyd wonder if maybe she was dreading this a little more than she let on. But he didn't ask questions, rather focusing on grasping Colette's hand firmly in his own. If. . . if she did wake up in even half of the pain she had been in before then. . . he wanted her to know she wouldn't be alone through that.

But fortunately she woke up with barely a flinch, terrified beyond any measure when she saw his face, even though he tightened his grip on her still.

"Lloyd," she began in a croak, then cleared her throat, "Lloyd. . . what are you doing here?" But Professor Raine stepped up and distracted her befuddled mind by beginning another follow-up physical to assure any changes in her illness.

"Colette, your fever. . ." She started, then stopped and bit her lip. She didn't want to scare her former pupil. . . but what if this was the only way to get her to talk, to unravel the rest of what she was hiding? Or else just a warning to her, ". . . Your fever has risen quite a bit since the last time I checked it."

"O - oh. . ."

Lloyd opened his mouth to start speaking, though he suddenly didn't quite know what to say. He wanted to put the squeeze on her - if it was the only way, he wanted to offer her something in return for what information she would give him but then. . . what was safe to say? It did not cross his mind that maybe this was what _she'd _been worried about all along as well.

Suddenly there was another knock on the door. It eased itself open, or so they thought, until they saw the sharp almond-colored eye peering at them precariously from underneath satin ebony bangs.

"Uh, hi. Sorry for intruding, but I thought of something after you two left the rest of us downstairs." Sheena started, knowing Colette wouldn't dare to look at her. She probably thought the summoner had come to steal Lloyd away right from under her nose at this point, she was so scared. The theory proved plausible when the blonde girl actually tried to clutch his hand a little tighter, a little closer.

"Can I show you something outside, Raine. . . ?"

The Professor nodded, a little hesitant at first, but she knew that Sheena wouldn't disrupt them at this crucial time if it wasn't equally as important. So the two women stepped out of the room, closing the door softly behind them. And still they chose to whisper, just in case.

"What did you need to show me. . . ?" The Professor asked, though she was already sweeping her gaze up and down, until her eyes landed on something. "That's your. . ."

Sheena held up the jar in her hands as though trying to shove it at Raine.

"Yeah, yeah; I know. This is the lotion they gave to me in Mizuho for my burn. But, really, it works for all kinds of scars. Me. . . I cover mine with my shinobi gear if it's necessary, plus as a natural warrior, I'm used to the idea of. . . skin blemishes. But she, Colette. . . I mean, she might not care about them either, but looking at her, at _them_. . . I can't be the only one who thinks it's unnatural. It's wrong."

"I'm impressed that you would offer up your medical solution for somebody else, even one of us." The Professor paused long enough to accept the jar into her own arms. Then she added, "And I'm sure Colette will appreciate the selfless act, even through the fight she'll put up against using it." They both smiled at the thought, knowing the girl they were thinking of was prone to giving and giving but could never take just as easily.

The conversation between them ended silently after that, Sheena knowing her place was with the rest of their friends downstairs and Professor Raine returning to the room. There she withdrew from a knapsack some cloth binding. Ever since the time Colette had gotten sick, she'd left the bag next to her bed on the floor. It was always good to have things handy, after all. And if Colette did happen to know what was wrong and wanted to fix herself alone without their knowing, well, Raine didn't want to ignore any possibility.

Just as both she and Sheena had assumed, Colette fought her a little bit over using the summoner's special medicinal application. But it didn't last long. Colette was still often jumping from the tremors of pain, and grew tired sooner because of it. It seemed like Lloyd had yet to start trying to talk to her. He'd even stopped holding her hand now. It wasn't sure whether that was because he was embarrassed by Sheena walking in on it or if he was concerned by what Colette herself would think. Then again, he could have just decided to keep his distance in the beginning and work his way up to that.

But she didn't want to keep them from getting down to the heart of the matter. Silently, quickly, she dressed Colette's back after coating it in a healthy amount of the medicine Sheena had given them to use. Then she took her leave saying that she'd make sure Genis brought them some dinner in a couple hours. Lloyd courageously considered that the timeline; he would try to alter Colette's perceptions by then.

"Is it a little better? Sheena said that it mostly numbs the pain while it heals. Is it helping you?" He asked almost too casually.

"It. . . it's fine. But Sheena. . ." She felt guilty. What discomfort would she be causing her friend by accepting this gift?

". . . Sheena knew you needed it more; that's why she gave it to you, okay? Don't worry about it, Colette! If it comes down to it, somebody can accompany her to Mizuho for some more when you're all better."

Not able to help herself, a sad grin bloomed on Colette's face.

"But. . . if I don't get better, what good did it really do me at all?" It had been a murmur, he wasn't supposed to be able to hear that, but he did, and his retaliation was an expression good enough to force her hand towards silence, her eyes averted towards the quilt she happened to be lacing her fingers through at the time.

"What do you mean? You're getting bed rest, you're eating and drinking despite having a fever, and. . ." He fumbled momentarily, not sure if he wanted to finish what he was saying, but in the end decided there was no reason to hold back, ". . . and now we know why you're going through this." Her head shot up, aghast at the news, but he pretended it didn't phase him. She looked as though she dreaded it, she hadn't wanted them to figure it out. "And as long as you can identify the problem, you can always find the solution."

He had meant to sound comforting, had wanted to make her feel better so that he could ease her into opening up, but it didn't seem to be going as planned. She sighed at his words and then, after taking a second longer (maybe to think it over), she slowly began to shake her head, that sad smile on her lips again.

"No. . . no, it's okay, Lloyd. I don't want you to keep fighting this. I've tried to do that for so long and I've only ended up _here_." She attempted an up-beat, uplifting tone now, as she looked him in the eyes. "I appreciate what you and everyone else have tried to do for me, helping me, making me feel comfortable even though I'm so sick. . . but. . . it's okay now, really. Fighting didn't get me anywhere, and while I have all the faith in the world in you. . . No, it's fine. I've just accepted it."

"Accepted it?" He blinked, apparently confused. Or suspicious. Honestly, she wasn't sure. "Accepted _what_?"

"Um. . . Well, I - I mean I've accepted _this_." She roved her gaze over her own body. "I've accepted that this is happening and no spells, no medicine, can cure me."

"What? How can you be so sure?" Lloyd almost shouted, his fists clenched in frustration. For one moment he forgot himself, forgot the theory, the plan, the patience. . . He wanted to force her to believe she would be okay, force her to _want _to be okay in the end.

"Well. . . the Professor knows more about those things than anybody else, right? But she couldn't find anything that would make me better. Doesn't that mean something?" She asked, and he bit his lip. She had a point. But still. . .

"Colette! . . . Do you really want to die? That's what will happen if you just lose faith, just give up. . . So please, just let me help - let us - because I can't! I can't let that happen to you!"

She was staring up at him now in silence, apprehension, maybe a little fear. He realized then that he was standing straight-backed and tall, his shoulders narrow and his breath heaving. He must have been quite a sight to behold. But he gathered his wits, bundled them tightly together, and regained the seat he'd abandoned.

"Besides," he started, "we don't think you need something like that - a medicine or a spell." She looked quizzically at him but didn't actually ask any questions, so, with the utmost confidence, he continued, "I just want you to tell me how you feel."

Her eyes widened, her mouth open just a little, she blinked once, and he was sure a pink tinge was growing on her cheeks.

"How I. . . how I _feel_?" It came out as a squeak that even he was concerned about. Was she in pain again, despite the ointment solution Sheena had given her? But that didn't seem right. She didn't look like she was in pain, she just looked like she was worried, embarrassed. He thought maybe she wasn't sure what he wanted to hear, so he elaborated.

"Yeah, how you feel. You know, about this, about why your sickness targets your angel powers. . . about being the Chosen, too." It was the final part of his statement that made all the difference. The way she looked at him was proof enough that she understood at least a little bit about where he was coming from. But the answers roving through her head didn't suit her, didn't suit what he thought of her. She wondered if Sheena had talked more with him than was hoped. She wished that wasn't the case - she was already apprehensive enough around the older woman.

But she wondered how else Lloyd's collected assumptions could be so precise. Unless, and it was unlikely but not impossible, these were based single-handedly on their theories including the minimal information Sheena would have been able to assuredly give them.

"So. . . I'm here as long as it takes to listen to what you have to say." He sat back in his seat almost too comfortably. The only thing missing was the nonplussed, overly-casual action of placing his hands behind his head. "Sheena didn't give us a lot of specifics, just the facts, just what you said was happening. She thought that was the most, or only, important thing. So. . . tell me when all of this started."

Colette saw no reason to quell in fear from that question, so she did answer, telling him about a certain discussion with Sheena from a long while ago. She, too, conveniently omitted some specifics, but pointed out that her back had started itching around then. And then she admitted to her failure outside of the Pope's office, how her angel hearing had malfunctioned. But with her disgression, and her unwillingness to share all of the details, they seemed to be random occurrences. They had no connection, therefore they made no sense. Lloyd did not disrupt her even now though. He wanted her to go on a bit.

Then she talked about the battle against the Sliver, how she'd mysteriously gotten dazed, gone speechless, because she couldn't remember her incantations. Again, she neglected to tell him why she thought that had happened. Still, she explained how the itching in her back had turned to pain - which she hid, so nobody knew any better about that. And the pain continued in the loss of her wings, her last angelic attribute. That more-or-less delivered them to where they were now.

"So what made you think that Mithos did this?" Lloyd asked finally after mentally evaluating all that she'd said.

"Well. . . because I didn't think there was anybody else who had that kind of power, especially over the Chosen," Colette blinked, then answered as though it were the most obvious thing. "But it was also because you're wanting to find a better path for me to take led us both, and our friends, to defying _his _plan for me. I was the vessel for Martel, right? He expected me to give up my life peacefully to revive the world. . . and his sister. I was going to, it would've pleased him, but you saved me and led us here to Tethe`alla. I just thought that, since he was the one who'd given me the power that only the Chosen could possess, that only he could take it all away if I failed to be the Chosen he wanted."

"That makes sense, except. . ." Lloyd faltered here, a curious expression on his face. Colette had never before seen him work so hard to try and figure something like this out, ". . . except, well, haven't we been on this same track for a really long time now? I mean, yeah, he's tried and failed to take you from us again, and maybe that just ended up frustrating him too much, but. . . I dunno. It just seems a little sudden. And Professor Sage was saying that if Mithos had done it, he would've been less subtle about it. He would confront us in person, or send somebody to confront us in his name, or else at least leave a calling card of some sort."

"Oh," Colette had never thought about all of that before, mostly because it brought back to light her original question. If Mithos hadn't done it, then who else had that kind of power? Certainly nobody _they'd _ever met.

"Yeah. . ." He didn't know if there was a way to delicately phrase the next part, so he gave up and asked the question she knew had been coming all along. "So. . . I don't really get it. Why did your powers go haywire at those times? It's like something happened around then that. . ."

"I. . . don't know." She didn't want to tell him, she couldn't tell him. There were very few possible reactions she could see him having to the news. One was the most obvious, her greatest fear; rejection and abandonment. The only other was. . .

"Do you want me to tell you _our _theory?" He asked her, seeing as she didn't seem to want to talk anymore. She nodded silently in response so as to sound curious, accepting, innocent. At the same time though, she questioned it. Could she have made a mistake? Did she really want to hear this? Especially if it happened to be the truth she'd been trying to conceal all along.

"Okay. Hm. . . We couldn't think of anybody else who could do this to you either, so the Professor told us to consider other things. And Sheena," Lloyd didn't seem to notice the slightest of jumps that Colette's shoulders made at the sound of that name, "thought up something. It was a little crazy but it was creative too; and it made some sense." He faltered here for a few moments to beg the question, "Why did you tell her that you might not be a good person?"

Colette blinked, and her mouth fell open a little.

"I. . . I didn't say that. . . I don't remember saying that." She put a hand to her scalp as though trying to figure out if or when that had happened. But the thing was that she _did _remember. She didn't want to believe that he knew about it, that he would confront her. . . because what could she really say in response?

"You don't remember? Huh. . . that's weird. . ." For one second she thought she might have escaped the question. Then Lloyd started speaking again, "But that's not true, is it? Or rather, if it is, then. . ." And he thought it over before saying something that was rather enlightening considering it came from him, ". . . Sometimes, even if we're not in our right mind because we're sick, or tired or," Colette braced herself, though it still wasn't enough for what came next, "_desperate_. . . we can end up being our most honest. Hm, did that make sense?" He gave a light, almost embarrassed, laugh. But he didn't notice how heavy his words had made her feel.

"So maybe you sometimes really think that way about yourself?" He continued.

Colette didn't flinch away, didn't move at all, didn't even breathe. Well, she _did _but only just enough to stay conscious. She didn't have it in her to focus on any one task, her thoughts and feelings were so scattered. And Lloyd continued to sit at her side, peering at her intently with the kind of strength and courage she simply couldn't produce anymore. It was like he wanted to emotionally pry her open. . . which was probably the case, wasn't it?

"Okay, fine," he conceded to her silence and chose a different approach, "but at least tell me why your angel powers are the only ones effected. I mean, that's a little weird, isn't it? And don't you think it's worrisome because you're not as strong as you used to be? And because people might not recognize you as the Chosen? Don't you remember Dorr and his army in Palmacosta? They only realized you were telling the truth when you showed your wings. . . but now you can't do that anymore."

"It wouldn't matter, would it? I'm a failure as the Chosen. . ." The words escaped her in near-monotony. "Even before I got sick we were told that by so many people, so many of our enemies. . . but also those who resided in Sylvarant. It was because you saved me. . . and I decided that I wanted to live. And we fled to Tethe`alla to find a way to change things." There was a small hiccup as she heaved in a breath, "But I'm. . . not strong enough to fight against those voices anymore. I can't be the Chosen, I was always going to fail. . ."

"W - what are you talking about?" He asked incredulously.

"It's because I always thought of you. When you weren't there, I was so nervous. I told you that once, remember?" She gave the slightest of shallow laughs. "I couldn't hear your voice whenever I wanted and I couldn't see you so I didn't know if you were alright. And I lied to you when I left the village so I worried about you losing your faith in me. But when you were there again at my side, it didn't get any better. I always needed to hear you, see you, feel you. . . Maybe - maybe I was always winding down to this, wasn't I?"

Lloyd sat in silence as Colette finished speaking. He was slightly flabbergasted at the fact that she was blaming him for what had happened, something that Colette had never, ever done before. But maybe she hadn't meant to. It didn't sound like Colette, although he was having trouble deciphering what _did _sound like her anymore. He didn't understand. But, for sure, the one thing he wanted to do more than anything else was. . .

"I want to save you _now_, Colette. I don't care what's wrong, or why. I just want you to keep being with me like you always have been. Does it make sense. . . ? Will you help me do that?"

She turned to face him, staring at him as though staring through him. She had come so far, knew it was no use - nothing could save her, and she only wanted to go while being remembered as the same person Lloyd and everyone had always cared for. . . but that didn't seem to be an option anymore. Lloyd was relentless with his questions; he would _not _back down.

So then, her last chance must have been. . .

"I love you, Lloyd."

OoOoO

**Notes **- Well, I lied. I lied my foot off. Lol. Unfortunately this is _not _the last chapter. It was definitely going to be but then I typed it all up and realized it was over thirteen thousand words and I wouldn't wish that much reading on anybody, no matter how fulfilling it is. Lol. So you'll just have to wait a little bit longer. On the other hand, because I've already typed it all up, you're only waiting about a week between chapters, you're not waiting for me to actually catch up to anything. So just be patient, okay?

**Also**, I have a couple requests to make to the readers of this fic, whether they've reviewed or not. On my profile page here on FFN, at the bottom of my biography, I've posted links to a couple of sites that I'd like everyone to visit for some ToS / Colloyd stuff. One is a link to a quiz I made for fun and was hoping a few other people would take, and another is for an anime music video I made for Colloyd after acquiring the fourth OVA episode. Please check them out if you have the time and let me know if you like them! (Whether on those pages or in a review or. . .)


	10. Owari :: End

**Author **- Chibi / Warlordess

**Notes **- Oh my, I've been slowly but surely working my way up to this fic for so many months now that I'm actually scared of writing it for fear that I'll be disappointed in myself. . . Still, I really liked the idea. . . I mean, Colette suffers (can you believe I'm a huge fan?) and Lloyd saves her, and it's all about the feelings, let alone a physical illness that comes into play and might or might not have something to do with Cruxis. . . Whoo. . . ! I'm so excited and pumped now!

Okay, so please read and review honestly! This is going to be my first Colloyd confession fic (if all goes well) out of. . . How many has it been now? Like, four or five? I've been wanting to do this _for-ev-er_. Lol. So. . . that's it! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer **- I wish, most sincerely, that I owned Tales of Symphonia. That OVA would have finished if I did, damnit! And Colloyd? Yeah, that would have really, totally, completely happened. And Sheena would have obviously warmed up to Zelos. . . Not to mention Presea and Genis. . . (I still want to write my one-shot idea on them anyway; hopefully it's not too farfetched, and maybe it wasn't even a one-shot. I can't remember anymore.)

OoOoO

**Tales of Symphonia **- "Angelus Tainted"

**Summary **- The Chosen of Regeneration had not been since the time Lloyd said he would save her. And yet, Colette agonizes when she begins to realize her greatest wishes aren't for the good fortune of everyone around her, but rather for a specific someone. . . And now, Cruxis has turned her away as the one with the power to regenerate Sylvarant. Colloyd.

**Part Ten** - "To Find My Happy Ending"

OoOoO

"I love you, Lloyd." The words had finally left her, despite every and all attempts made to keep them inside for so long. A strange sensation swept over her as she recovered from them. Despite all of the fear and dread, she also felt. . . _relieved_. She hadn't thought it possible all this time. For so long, she had assumed that if she didn't tell him, she would die. And if she did tell him, she would _still _die. The only difference between the two situations was that Lloyd's belief in her would depend on if she elaborated or not.

Unfortunately, now that it had started speaking, her heart would not stop until it was completely done.

"I love you, but inside, I don't know what to do about it!" Lloyd gave her a questioning glance, perhaps to ask what she meant, but she couldn't let him keep her from going on, "I mean, it's changed me. . . I'm fighting so hard so that it won't - so that I can undo it all, but it's impossible! It hurts so much when I think I might lose you, and sometimes I have violent urges to keep you to myself - to tear you away from everyone else. . . !" She heaved a sigh, then another. She had said everything in one gulp after all. "But I can't, I won't, I'm constantly holding myself back. I don't - I didn't ever want you to figure it out. . . because, in loving you, I somehow ended up neglecting everyone else. . . and so they suffer without my thoughts and prayers."

Lloyd blinked; that speech had been rather long-winded and contained a lot of information, and he didn't know what to say. Part of him wondered if she'd strayed purposefully from his questions, but another part of him thought that maybe he understood. May she'd answered him the best - the only - way she knew how. Although that didn't mean that he had no new questions because of it.

"But. . ." And, as if he hadn't heard the first thing she said - _the most important thing _- he continued, "But why does it matter so much? I mean," he hadn't meant to say it like that, like he didn't care! He just. . . it was just that he wasn't sure, and she was the only one who could help to connect all of the pieces, "I mean, you. . . Colette, change isn't necessarily bad, you know? What you _feel_, who you _are_--"

"No! No, no. . . It's not about that! Well, it is, but it's worse than what you think!" She tried to collect herself and drew in a deep breath, stilling her trembling hands, "It's because of those changes that I'm not who I used to be, who I should be! I used to be able to pray for everyone's safety, everyone's hopes and lives, but I can only do that now if I force myself to. All I can think about is you! That's how it's been for so long. . . ! I'm sorry!" She exclaimed, and probably would have bowed in shame and forgiveness had she been standing at the time. Instead she felt her lungs quake and her head spin, so she quieted down for a moment and drew breath, afraid to collapse in front of him. Or, rather, she was afraid that, in losing consciousness, she would also lose sight of him, and maybe wake up again alone. She didn't want him to abandon her; she wouldn't be able to handle it, she knew.

"You're. . . sorry? But what are you apologizing for?" He asked, slightly frustrated and with a creased brow.

"B - because. . . you worked so hard to save me, your friend, and now. . . I can't even be that person anymore. Because of these feelings, this love, and how I've changed because of it. I'm sorry. . . but," she bit at her lip, remembering that time awhile ago now when she'd come to terms with it all. No, not the time when she had been trying to go back to who she'd originally been, but the time before even that, when she had decided on what she would like to do _for herself_, "but. . . I've felt like this for so long now. Behind the fear, underneath my frustration, clouded by my worry that you would never accept me the way I am, I embraced this new strength. I wanted to keep it forever, and hold it so close. . . I love the idea of being in love. . . even if it's impossible for me."

Lloyd seemed baffled by what she was saying. She couldn't help but wonder if he'd even wrapped his mind around her confession and accepted the knowledge yet. Despite everything - and she couldn't help but laugh at the hilarity of it - she felt herself go a little red, was slightly anxious. It wasn't about all of the great, if terrible, things she had considered (not to mention expected) now. This came from the innocent teenage girl inside her who had just plucked up the courage to confess her love for a boy for the very first time. It did not outweigh her other fears, or alleviate them in the slightest, but for a moment - one instant - she felt the clear consideration that _that _was her only concern.

"Why would it be impossible for you? And why would I never accept you. . . ? Colette. . . you _are _my best friend. How many times do I have to tell you? No matter what happens, no matter how much time passes, or how much _either _of us might change. . . you'll still be you. Does that still mean anything to you at all? Don't take what I say so lightly, okay?" He dared to laugh towards the end of his statement, assuming that would be all she'd need to hear. But, alas, his final words did indeed only make it worse.

". . . That's the problem. I can't take what you say so lightly. Every conversation I've ever had with you holds a special place in my heart because everything you say to me has such great value. I'm sorry, Lloyd. . . you're the only one I think of like that, all of the time.

"And it's what I've been afraid of for so long. Could you accept me when I'm so selfish?"

"Me? Could _I_. . . ?" Maybe something had finally breached his immature mind or maybe it was just luck, but his cheeks seemed to be tinting more and more red, as if he was suddenly too uncomfortably hot to bear. "Hm. . . before that, I can't help wondering if the real problem is that you can't accept yourself. I get that these feelings are new, they're probably something you're not used to. . . but. . ."

An expression of dawning comprehension came to his features. Without realizing it, without paying any of the attention he should have been, he'd found his answer. At least, he thought he had. For so long she had fought this, abhorred it, denied it. . . but it had happened anyway. She'd attempted to alter it but to no avail. She was doomed to the perception of the Chosen versus humanity. He'd always known she was raised differently than him, had faced different challenges growing up. . . and it was keeping her from understanding that - despite how she'd grown up, how she'd studied to be the Chosen and accepted those duties, how she'd gone on her Journey of Regeneration and been embraced as the pinnacle of coming peace and salvation by the people of Sylvarant - she was still _human_. And as such, she was just as susceptible to those sometimes irrational fears, emotions, actions. . . just like the rest of them.

But she couldn't see it, couldn't see beyond the role Cruxis had given her at the very start of her life. Even though he had fought so hard to save her from that tragic end, had reinforced his ideals that all lives be given purpose, she still doubted him, and _why _was that? Was she that afraid of changing so much, or seeing the value in her own life, and all aspects, as much as everyone else's?

If he kept reassuring her, kept saving her, and they'd still ended up at the here and now, what did that mean? Furthermore, what could he do or say to convince her once and for all. . . ?

"I'm sorry, Lloyd. . ." Colette bowed her head in shame at the sight of what she thought was her friend's suffering. And she was right. Lloyd struggled amidst his own concern, his concern for _her_, and of course those questions that came to him swiftly without any sort of answers that followed. But through all of that, he felt a sense of frustration shake him at her words.

"Stop apologizing, you dork! I've told you already, again and again, that you shouldn't say sorry for thngs you can't. . ." He stopped suddenly and blinked. He'd just been reminded of the countless number of apologies she'd given him. . . including those recited in their current conversation, ". . . control. . . Colette. . . ?" He looked at her but his newest inquiry wouldn't leave his lips. More than anything, he prayed that it wouldn't be true though he was also very sure that it was.

She stared silently back at him, not sure if she should offer anything to say on her own.

"Colette. . . _that's _killing you, isn't it?" He seemed to be thinking it over for a moment. He knew what he wanted to say, what he had to say; and luckily they were the same thing, weren't they?

"Colette, I would always accept you, whatever you might be or change into!" Her hand was close enough for him to reach across and grab it without her pulling away. He had to grill this truth into her head. It might save her! "All this time we've been fighting and finding the answers about why the worlds are the way they are, why Mithos is so desperate to bring his sister back to life, what the purpose is of the Chosen of Regeneration! We've gotten help from every source we could so that we could put it all right! But _you're _the one who pushed me to that! I didn't want you to die like that, for such a useless lack of purpose! You're my best friend, aren't you? Didn't you want to experience that for a little while longer? You know, a life with friends and family who care for you like you do them? A life where you can get away with being ruled by your feelings for an instant or two, sort of. . . like you're doing now?" He wondered if he'd said something wrong. Colette felt alone now, wallowing in despair over these new urges and strengths - or weaknesses. He was sure that he wouldn't be making it better by forcing her to recall all of that, plus the weight of his own knowledge. But still, he hoped she would begin to see things the way he did. After all, if he couldn't. . . then. . .

"But. . . I - I'm not. . . I can't, I'm not supposed to! I'm not allowed! That's what I automatically tell myself when - it - happens! But it. . . doesn't get any easier, not for me. . . I shouldn't be able to get away with it, being the Chosen and forsaking that fate for all of those great things. . ."

"Being. . . the Chosen. . . ?" Lloyd blinked again bemusedly, wondering if he would finally be able to fit all of the puzzle pieces together with those words, "The Chosen? No! No, no! All this time, all of these fights and lies and discoveries! No! Colette, don't you see that it's because I - _we _- didn't want you to become like that?"

"But. . . it's who I am, all you know me to be. . ."

"But - well. . . !" She had a point, and he gave her some credit for it. From the very beginning of their friendship he'd known there was something special about her. How could he not, considering the way she was treated by all of the other villagers, the adults, the ones who knew what awaited her in the future? But children like him could only gather together and speculate based on the half-formed conversations they eavesdropped on once in awhile until that day that their Professor would deem them old enough to hear the scriptures of Cruxis, the words of the Goddess, and the history of the special ones who had been born _before_ Colette.

He, like all of the other children, could only stare after the blond girl who always smiled despite herself and the obvious faults of everyone around her. They could only wonder about her special treatment, about why she ate different foods, why she got to skip out on lessons at least once a week, why the mayor and the priests from the Church of Martel would often visit her and her family at her home.

Innocent and curious, Lloyd had befriended her, the mysterious girl who was so important to everyone. He'd gotten to know her - the oblivious attitude, the ever-hopeful disposition, the clumsy affect. And then she wasn't so mysterious anymore - she was the Chosen, savior of their declining world who would defeat the Desians and monsters without even having to necessarily fight them in hand-to-hand combat. But even after learning all of that about her, Lloyd had felt like he was in on a special secret. After all, even though the whole world would be looking to the Chosen to save the land, he would be looking to Colette - his best friend - as she became an angel and brought peace to everyone the Desians were tormenting.

But then, that had begun to change slowly after he'd joined her on her journey. Here, Colette was supposed to be growing stronger, doing wonderful things only she could do, becoming an angel and bringing forth the right justice of the Goddess Martel and yet. . . yet she suffered the further she got, the more seals and holy power she released. It wasn't supposed to be like this, was it? The question began to cross his mind - could what they were doing be wrong? Should they have continued to push forward through Colette's illness and, as later revealed, her permanent loss of humanity?

But he hated questioning that. They were saving the world; _of course _it was right! And now Colette was releasing the seals and doing everything possible to wake the Goddess from her slumber! Could he really afford to have these doubts when his best friend needed him to have all of his faith in her? So he put the questions aside. . . but they didn't vanish completely, did they? They just stored themselves in the back of his mind until he couldn't avoid their existence anymore.

"But. . ." He tried again, the words barely existent and unintelligible, "But, Colette. . . that's not all you are. If it was, if that was the case, you would be gone, wouldn't you? But I knew you deserved more, and the rest of our friends, they wanted that for you, too. The Professor was the one who said we should go to Tethe`alla, Sheena was the one who wrote a letter to the king in Meltokio even knowing what it might do to the delicate position Mizuho was in. And Genis and I. . . we fought everything in our way to make sure you wouldn't be taken from us. We had to save you. We had to make sure you lived. Because all people saw in you was the sacrifice for Martel's vessel, and I think that was even all you saw in yourself. But you're so much more than that. . ." He coughed, looking embarrassed as he finished, ". . . to me anyway.

"Nothing you say or feel will change that fact. You're not the Chosen of Regeneration anymore, are you? Mithos decided that you were so long ago but we're going to end that. You shouldn't tie yourself down to the past. Who you were and who you are - neither makes you a bad person. . . You can embrace these new things you couldn't experience freely before. Nobody can hold it against you. I definitely won't.

"After all, the person I've always known is a good one. She's helpful and caring, sometimes clumsy, but she always tries her hardest no matter what. And she'll befriend anybody, hear anybody out, even if they've tried to hurt her once, because she believes in everyone she's ever met. If those qualities are from the Chosen, then I guess I never knew Colette. But if they came from my best friend, then I think I should know Colette pretty well by now, right?"

A breath of fresh air enveloped her from her fingers to the back of her neck, from the soles of her feet to her heart; her soul. It was the kind of peace that did not come from succumbing to the worst. This came from the perception of universal acceptance. She didn't know it would feel like this, didn't _know _what it would feel like in fact, because she had never expected it would happen to her.

She had been "the Chosen" for so long that it had in fact _been _her name, her nature, her identity. She had never thought it possible to separate herself from that. She didn't know she had it in her.

"So now, don't worry about being the Chosen, about being a sacrifice. Just be Colette Brunel. I've always liked her more than anybody else anyway." Lloyd shrugged and laughed happily. He had thought he'd gotten through to her. . . Was he right?

Instantaneously, she felt the nausea and the numbness, the fear and the pain, all disappear. It was as if she'd been drenched in water just to have it all washed away. She was left with the lethargy but also the relief. It was the rejuvenating sense of freedom, the same that had suddenly been aware to her when she'd gotten her soul back on the Fooji Mountains. But all of the trials she'd faced leading up to this point left her exhausted and, luckily, she was already laying on a mattress.

To just be Colette Brunel, a normal girl from the village of Iselia, who was kind and giving and forthright, who cared for everyone. . . but who also would fall in love with a boy and live a long life. . . It sounded like a nice story, an even better reality. And to think, it could've been _her _story, _her _reality.

It left her content enough to sleep to its lullaby. . . except for the gnawing at the back of her mind. She felt like there were still questions, still things needing cleared up. She didn't know the answer to - _that _- question yet. . . and, beyond even that, she couldn't help thinking of those few times awhile ago when. . .

As if in response to the obvious expression on her face, the hand encircled around hers even now tightened its grip, just enough to remind her it was there.

"What's wrong?" The voice was just as soothing to her, and it eased her guilt. How could she still doubt him, even if she really didn't doubt him? Why should she still have questions to ask and past situations to verify? She was surely pressing her luck.

"But Lloyd. . ." It was very hard to bring up with somebody you wanted to believe in that you were scared of believing in them. Please don't let him hold it against her! Please don't! ". . . I. . ." And she bit her lip, clamped her mouth shut. She definitely couldn't ask about that! She had just remembered that doing so would grant him knowledge to something she had done that she never wanted him to know about.

But which did she wish for now? Answers that would enable her to keep going or silence that would nibble at her soul for the rest of eternity? Just as strongly as her resolve was to sit back and accept her grim fate of death, was her new acceptance that she could live long and happy. This was the start of that new journey for her then. She would have to fess up.

"Do you remember that time when Presea killed Vharley? We found out about the Pope working with him, and about the King being poisoned, and. . ." This was a lot harder than she'd hoped it would be.

"Yeah, I remember that. You couldn't hear him then, could you?" Lloyd asked cautiously. He didn't want to distract her too much from where she was going with this, just wanted to ease her forward by letting her know that he was definitely still listening.

She slowly shook her head before continuing.

"But that night you asked me when I went upstairs to my room at Zelos' house if I was fine and I told you I was and - oh, I'm sorry for lying. . ."

"Geez, you dork, we're past that now right? What are you trying to say?"

". . . Um, well, you let me go to bed and said you'd check on me for dinner. . . But later on I woke up hungry and went downstairs to eat. You - you were talking with Presea. . . about what she'd done."

"Oh, yeah." He seemed to remember that, too.

"I'm sorry; I listened to your conversation with her even though it was none of my business. . . I just couldn't ignore it, especially when y - you _lied _to her."

". . . I did?"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry but I know you too well. You rarely ever sleep the whole night so I know you had to have been up most of that night, too, but you told her you'd only gotten up to get a drink and would be going back to bed. You were lying, weren't you? You had been waiting for her to come downstairs. You wanted to talk to her, to spend time. . . with her. . ."

"Colette. . ." He fell silent for a moment, and she almost jumped at the sound of his muffled laugh a second later. "Heh, you were jealous or something? I don't get how you can be so passive about something like that! But. . ." He grew serious here, for which she was grateful because she knew that her face simply couldn't get any redder than it was currently. "But you have it wrong. I wasn't waiting for her.

"That night, I did as I told you I would. I went upstairs a few hours after our talk to see if you wanted dinner, but you were sleeping soundly and I didn't want to wake you. I'm sorry; I probably should have. You were hungry, right? But right then you just looked so tired, peaceful too; and you were cold, so I pulled up your covers and let you keep sleeping."

Colette blinked. Now that she thought about it, she remembered wondering how they'd gotten on her. She hadn't pulled them over herself, had she?

"You're right, though. I hate to admit to it, but I did lie to Presea. I didn't want her to feel obligated to hold in her thoughts if I told her the truth. That night, I was wide awake and waiting. . . for _you_. I was hoping you'd wake up finally and come downstairs so we could keep talking. I like our time together. I like talking alone with you. . . but more than that, I wanted you to tell me the truth." He blinked too, sounding as if he hadn't realized it until now. Maybe he hadn't. For awhile he had wondered why he kept letting her go, let her get away with keeping her secrets about how she was getting sick again.

He had given up his one chance early on to talk to her alone about all of it so that he could help another friend in need. Just like the Lloyd she loved so much.

"Not only that," he went on again, one brow creased as though he knew he was unveiling some huge secret of his own, "but there are times when I feel the same as you. Like, when we were traveling back to Meltokio with Princess Hilda. Zelos put his arm around your shoulder and. . . I wanted to beat him up!" He laughed it off here, bashful because of his confession. "I felt bad about that, and I'wouldn't actually do it because I know he's never serious about those things but I felt like he was trying to egg me on and I fell for it and got angry. I guess I get jealous sometimes too, huh?"

Colette gulped, hardly daring to believe it. She had noticed Lloyd wanting to end the moment going on with the rest of the group that time, but had written it off like everyone else, had assumed that he was just restless and looking for a fight. And maybe he had been, now that she thought about it, but it must not have been with any of the monsters in the neighboring area. . .

Jealous. Lloyd had been _jealous _of another man touching _her_.

He was staring at her seriously again and she knew she had to pay attention to what he said next.

But he didn't say anything. His tongue was tied.

". . . D - do you hear that?" She asked suddenly before she could stop himself. Curious, he looked around thinking that it was coming from out the window or in the hallway or something. She tightened her grip on him now, out of fear. It was a strange thumping sound, sort of hollow but thick and heavy, repeating over and over. "It's pounding in my ears. . . It's so loud that I can barely block it out. But I don't see where it could be coming from." She explained, hoping that if she did, he would be able to assure her that everything would still be okay.

"O - oh," he croaked, "that's it, huh? Hm. . ." He creased a brow again and seemed embarrassed, bringing his free hand up to his face and hoping she wouldn't notice it, but it was a little too obvious for that, "I - I'm pretty sure. . . I mean, I think I might know. . . hm. . . what you're talking about." He smiled despite himself and the next thing she knew, Colette was being drawn slightly towards him thanks to their interlocked fingers.

She wanted to ask what he was doing but her voice caught in her throat too. No, it wasn't because of the pain. . . This time it was simply because she was equally as nervous as him. But at the same time, she was still curious as he bashfully pulled that hand of hers towards his torso and loosened her fingers so that her palm sat flat and open against his chest, directly over his heart.

It was shallow enough so that she could barely feel it, but she did. The pounding that she somehow heard so clearly. . . it was coming from Lloyd, from his heart. She blinked, realizing it but unable to tell what it meant. Could she really afford to get her hopes up. . . ?

"It looks like you got your angel hearing back. . ." He said, almost stuttering, but he remained strong even throughout his feeble joke. At the same time, he felt he owed her an explanation, even if only to serve as an excuse to keep talking. "I can't seem to make it stop. I guess it's because I'm sort of like you. I'm nervous when you're not there because I don't know where you are or if you're okay, but I'm. . . also nervous when you're close by. What if I can't protect you? What if I fail? I - I can't do that. . . but I need to have you around. . .

"I love you. I mean, of _course _I love you. Everything I've done, I've done for you, with _your _best interests in my heart. My thoughts are always full of you and how I can keep you here with me. I'm sorry, Colette; I'm so possessive and I try not to be but. . . if I'm not then I might not be able to see you everyday. I need you here to keep myself going, don't you see? If you can keep being that person for me then I. . . I can love you freely for the rest of our lives. Is that okay?"

Colette gulped after hearing all of this, hardly daring to believe it. But he had offered the fact to her - a fact; it was a _fact_ that Lloyd loved her like she loved him. Her head was swimming, suffocating from the news. But just as strong as all of that was the thought that coursed through her head. Sheena. . . had been right. She had not lied for Colette's benefit, but had told the girl her honest opinion. And she was right.

Suddenly Colette felt guilty all over again, understanding the summoner's point of view. Somehow, maybe because she'd gone so long feeling as though she wasn't worth Lloyd loving her forever and ever, the kind of love only teenagers believed existed, the kind that transcended realities. . . she knew she would owe the older woman an apology. And a word or two of gratitude, because she had been trying to help after all, though Colette refused to see it at the time.

But for now, she just wanted to bask in _this _feeling, this happiness. She wasn't sure how long it would last, and didn't want to give it up just yet. She wanted to hug Lloyd, because she knew she could. She wanted to kiss Lloyd, because she knew he would let her now.

Everything was right with her world, she decided. Now she could confess to him freely everyday exactly how she felt about him.

"I love you, Lloyd!" She was excited to be able to shout it as loud as her sore throat would let her.

And so they remained sitting there. Just two kids in love.

OoOoO

**Notes **- Hahah! It's over, it's finally over! I've worked so hard to finish this right, though I'm sorry that I broke my sort-of promise about it only being nine chapters long. But can you blame me? Sheesh, that last one was over fourteen thousand words! Who would read that, really? Gods, I hope I remembered everything I wanted to put in the finale. I mean, geez, there was a lot of ground to cover. Well, if you think I missed anything, I'm sure you'll let me know, right? Please do; I'll edit it and give you the appropriate credit. Just to let you know, though, that the other couples mentioned were only supposed to have snippets together anyway, so saying that I forgot to include their confessions too doesn't count. Lol.

Also, as this is the final chapter, I had thought about putting a little thing together at the end, a list of all quotes and things that inspired this fic, whether by words or situations. I hope that's alright. I just feel like some of these things are so easily ignored unless you pay them close attention, but the messages in the story become more clear and mean something more based on the understanding of these lines. At least, that's how I feel, and that's why I used them for different chapters of the story, or the plot in a whole.

Oh, wait, one last note. I couldn't find a place in the chapter to add the statement or narration. I mean, if you really paid attention then maybe you figured it out for yourself, but just in case. . . The scars mentioned in chapter nine were what Colette saw on her back when she was dressing herself in Heimdall in chapter six. She screamed and, when everyone came looking, said she'd seen a spider. But that was a lie, obviously. I'm sorry; I just couldn't seem to find a place to fit that idea, but I wanted to place it somewhere because the greatest thing about this fic for me is that I kept all details in check. Like, I made references in chapter nine to things that happened in chapter four. And stuff. And it was all planned, not some really lucky coincidence. Lol.

Anyway, back to my original notes.

OoO

**The following are quotes and things that inspired this fic and the situations involved. If you don't care to read, please scroll down to the end of the page or press the back button to return to the submenu page you were on before. Those without references were either made by me or by an unknown person.**

**But, just to let you know, all reviews would be **much **appreciated. **:D

1.) This first thing is the different English titles of each chapter, plus some that I chose not to use partially because the fic simply wasn't long enough to cope for them all and partially because others fit that chapter better. _This is an original piece I wrote created specifically for this story._

"Ensnared in the web

A puncture to the flesh

And I'm slowly fading

My back faces the dark land

Where I hear them calling

My friends trying to find me

But I don't deserve the light

And my head is far too low

Below the surface,

I'm drowning

It's no longer worth gasping for air

Forgive me while I give in to silent slumber

A place you'll have to find me

And then, my happy ending."

2.) The second things are random quotes (mostly taken from Arina Tanemura's manga, since she's my favorite shoujo artist ever and her work always leads to the characters discovering themselves on a psychological level) that I felt literally _made_ Colette's point of view throughout different parts of the fic. Please enjoy and take them to heart.

(a) "It all starts from the tips of your fingers. . . From the moment we met. . . romance bloomed." - _This Love is Non-Fiction_ by Arina Tanemura.

(b) "Please let me be the one who moves you. I want to shake your ground and clear your skies."

(c) "There is one wish that I want to come true. . . God, I'm a girl with a cursed fate. I've fallen in love with a boy. . . and I want to be happy." - _Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne _by Arina Tanemura.

(d) - "What kind of thing is love anyway. . . ?"

- "You unwittingly keep following that person with your eyes. . . and when you're with that person, you feel pleased. And happy. And you feel your heart throbbing or feel irritated. . . at every word you hear from that person. And even though you've just parted, you want to see that person again. A feeling as if your whole world revolves around that person, I guess." - _Tail of the Moon _by Rinko Ueda.

(e) "It's important to remember when you're drowning to try and keep your head above water." - _Scrubs_ TV show.

(f) "There's never, ever been - nor will there ever be - a love quite like your first. There is so much dedication, so much pure energy, put into it that nothing following could ever compare."

(g) "When it's important, you have to rush at things head-on like a spoiled kid." - _Nosatsu Junkie _by Ryoko Fukuyama.

(h) "This is the kind of love that only happens now, when we're [young]!" - _Evangelion:Angelic Days _by Fumino Hayashi. The original word was [fourteen], but obviously that doesn't work one hundred percent. Nevertheless, even editing got the main message across. Young love is so earnest, isn't it?

(i) "Haven't you realized? That _you're _the one who's moving _me_?" - _Kimi ni Todoke _by Karuho Shiina.


End file.
